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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to a wedding abroad?

76 replies

Bleurghhhhhh · 15/04/2023 12:39

A friend of mine is getting married in April 2024. She'd talked about having a UK wedding which I would have been able to attend, that's now been scrapped the wedding is going to be in the Seychelles.
She's said nothing at all to acknowledge that this is going to be about a grand on flights for us from London.
Not even said anything apart from 'please tell me asap whether you and your husband are coming '.

I don't think so, I know it's a year away but I really don't have this kind of money. The most I've ever spent on a flight was about £250 return and I thought that was very steep, I just don't have that sort of money. Not only flights, we'd have to stay over for at least a week as can't just pop over there for a weekend. Not to mention all the spends needed.

I've learned my lesson from spending hundreds on friends' hen parties in thoe past instead of using the word no. I've only just gone up to 25k a year.

Hopefully she'll understand and not fall out with me, I feel bad letting her down, but surely she can't expect this of people unless they're very wealthy.

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 12:41

if I could afford I'd love to go, what an amazing trip

CordyLines · 15/04/2023 12:43

People who get married in far flung difficult to reach destinations in general are hoping for a tiny guest list!

If she doesn't understand that you will not be trekking half way around the world for her big day, she is not your friend.

Don't fret too much about it, just decline gracefully and maybe treat her to a nice lunch out before or after the wedding to mark the occasion.

Oncetheystartschool · 15/04/2023 12:44

Her choice. If you can't afford it just say so, its not your fault she's chosen somewhere too far for you to travel.

I went to a wedding in Australia but it was my only holiday that year and some of my friends and I stayed for 2 weeks after the wedding to make the most of it.

ilovesooty · 15/04/2023 12:45

If you can't afford to go or simply don't want to spend that much money / annual leave, it's perfectly reasonable to decline. Those who book weddings abroad need to accept that people might not be able to attend or indeed want to.

Original poster
Bleurghhhhhh · 15/04/2023 12:45

Yeah hopefully she'll understand, I just don't understand the lack of self awareness, wanting to know asap, I haven't got a spare grand to just book the flight with right now.

OP posts:
Heroicallyfound · 15/04/2023 12:46

Don’t overthink it. You can’t afford to go, very sorry, would love to have been able to support her, hope she has a lovely time etc.

Leeds2 · 15/04/2023 12:57

You certainly won't be the only one who can't make it. YANBU to just say sorry, but no.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/04/2023 12:59

Just say no.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/04/2023 13:00

No

Amboseli · 15/04/2023 13:02

If you say you can't go and she falls out with you then she's not a good friend so you've lost nothing.

Inthebathagain · 15/04/2023 13:02

You really need to ask? 🤷

Of course it's a no, don't go.

Softleftpowerstance · 15/04/2023 13:02

In your circumstances I’d definitely say no.

If you plan a wedding like this you have to accept a lot of people won’t come.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/04/2023 13:02

No way. Wouldn't even consider it in your situation.

If your friend doesn't realise, she soon will.

Skankylanky · 15/04/2023 13:03

Don't go then.

If she's booked a wedding that far away then it's likely she only wants a small guest lists and doesn't mind if people don't come.

MavisMcMinty · 15/04/2023 13:03

YANBU, in fact I hope everyone invited declines, on grounds of the cost of living crisis.

Caspianberg · 15/04/2023 13:04

No, not for that kind of wedding.

If they lived in the Seychelles and so we’re having a wedding at ‘home’ I would think differently.

We live abroad, having brothers wedding next year back in uk which will cost us ££ but we will pay as it’s ‘home’ for them

Original poster
Bleurghhhhhh · 15/04/2023 13:04

Thank you for your help, I have decided to tell her later today.

OP posts:
TheWildOnesRunningWithTheDogs · 15/04/2023 13:05

I absolutely would not attend this wedding in your shoes. I find the whole thing really odd. What kind of person thinks a far-flung beach location is more important than their friends and family being able to attend without getting a second mortgage? Why not just have your honeymoon there if you're keen to go?

Tomorrowisagesaway · 15/04/2023 13:05

She knows she won't get many guests going to the Seychelles, I'd say she's asking for a quick reply to keep the numbers down even more. Maybe she wants the small destination wedding without the hassle of people being offended by not being invited.

I wouldn't feel I had to get her a present just because she sent you an invite.

Mrsjayy · 15/04/2023 13:06

I couldn't afford the Seychelles so I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either, I think when couples get married abroad like this they are hoping people won't come but feel they have to invite so as not to look bad.

rookiemere · 15/04/2023 13:06

Definitely tell her sooner rather than later.
She may not have realised that others simply can't afford to come to a destination wedding.

JMSA · 15/04/2023 13:07

It's a big ask for sure! I wouldn't go to a wedding like that unless for a close family member.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/04/2023 13:07

I would, but I have the money. If you don’t have the money then just say so and wish your friend well rather than tie yourself up in knots thinking of a way to get out of it or getting resentful trying to find the money.

We’re having a wedding which involves flying and a long weekend (and it was always going to be so for some of our guests even if we got married in the UK, as DP is American) and accept that means some people may not be able to make it, we know it’s not a personal slight if they don’t We have far more people we’d like to invite than we have spaces anyway, as I expect your friend does, it’s not worth dwelling on in that sense.

titchy · 15/04/2023 13:08

Has she actually asked you though? Or are you assuming an invitation will be forthcoming?

Gothambutnotahamster · 15/04/2023 13:13

I would always go if I could afford it and it was a good friend, but in the situation you've described, I'd say no without hesitation. If she doesn't understand, then she's not a true friend!