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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go to a wedding abroad?

76 replies

Bleurghhhhhh · 15/04/2023 12:39

A friend of mine is getting married in April 2024. She'd talked about having a UK wedding which I would have been able to attend, that's now been scrapped the wedding is going to be in the Seychelles.
She's said nothing at all to acknowledge that this is going to be about a grand on flights for us from London.
Not even said anything apart from 'please tell me asap whether you and your husband are coming '.

I don't think so, I know it's a year away but I really don't have this kind of money. The most I've ever spent on a flight was about £250 return and I thought that was very steep, I just don't have that sort of money. Not only flights, we'd have to stay over for at least a week as can't just pop over there for a weekend. Not to mention all the spends needed.

I've learned my lesson from spending hundreds on friends' hen parties in thoe past instead of using the word no. I've only just gone up to 25k a year.

Hopefully she'll understand and not fall out with me, I feel bad letting her down, but surely she can't expect this of people unless they're very wealthy.

OP posts:

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 15/04/2023 16:47

in answer to your question- yes, I would and have gone to weddings abroad.

YABU though. If you can’t afford it or don’t want to, don’t. It’s not complicated. I’ve gone to the ones I wanted to and could afford/manage. I’ve declined others. It’s all fine.

Doyoumind · 15/04/2023 16:47

YANBU. It's a big ask.

I missed a friends wedding abroad. It was a long time ago. I really couldn't afford it. It wasn't a package trip and there were only a handful of people going. I would have had to find accommodation and organise travel to an out of the way place myself. I wasn't in a good place mentally at the time so it all felt too much. I felt guilty but I still think I made the right choice.

CordyLines · 15/04/2023 16:55

What is so great about the Seychelles anyway. It is very far away and a huge journey for turquoise sea, palm trees and precious little else really.

I am going to really annoy people by saying that one sea and sand place in Europe is as good as anywhere else, just choose the area that suits your tastes. OK there might be blue sea, coral and giant tortoises in the Seychelles..... but still!

JadeSeahorse · 15/04/2023 17:31

Definitely say no!

Seychelles is beautiful but it's not only the flights which are expensive. Accommodation and eating out is generally very expensive too and you may find you have to stay at the same hotel as B & G as many hotels are quite isolated. (I am retired senior travel industry.)

Totally unrealistic for someone earning £25k to save the amount you will need in just a year IMO unless you have healthy savings already or are prepared to live like a pauper.

Has she actually booked it yet? I have a feeling if she hasn't then this could all be a pipe dream and once she realises the costs involved - unless she is a high earner of course - the destination may change again.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 15/04/2023 17:33

Not unless I a) had the financials to do so b) wanted to visit that destination and c) we had the annual leave to cover it.

Nellieinthebarn · 15/04/2023 17:34

No I wouldn't go. Why should you put yourself in financial hardship to attend someone's wedding. I think expensive destination weddings are very selfish and entitled unless you can afford to pay for all your guests flights, accomodation and food.

BoomandBlast · 15/04/2023 17:44

Echoing @JadeSeahorse . The Seychelles are beautiful but it’s very expensive when you get there. Plus I don’t think there are direct flights so it’ll be a heck of a trip. I bet she’ll have a rethink when she works out the costings.

JimmyDurham · 15/04/2023 18:06

I try every way I can to avoid weddings in the UK. No way am I travelling overseas to one.

GetYourActTogether1 · 15/04/2023 18:09

I love an overseas wedding but in your circumstances I would decline as Seychelles is a very expensive destination. I hope it all goes ok when you tell her your decision.

BelleMarionette · 15/04/2023 18:54

Having weddings abroad, or in remote parts of the country away from where family and friends live, puts the cost on the guests, often making it cheaper for the couple. If people choose this for their wedding they need to accept many won't be able to make it due to financial reasons.

Lcb123 · 15/04/2023 18:57

I don’t care what others do for their wedding but if it’s abroad you have to appreciate it will be a small wedding. Tell her sooner rather than later

Thebigblueballoon · 15/04/2023 19:07

We’ve been to one destination wedding (Lake Como - so it was not bloody cheap!) because my fiancé was the best man and they were genuinely close friends. I was also friends with his wife. Otherwise, we absolutely wouldn’t have gone due to the expense, especially nowadays. We made it into a mini holiday, rather than just going to a wedding.
Unless they’re particularly close friends and you could see the opportunity to make it into a wee break yourself, I’d politely decline.

HermioneWeasley · 15/04/2023 19:07

It’s a ridiculous ask - apart from the huge cost, the amount of time off required for that destination.

even if I wanted to go the seychelles and it coincided with a convenient time, I’m not sure I’d go - the chances that their wedding overlaps with where I want to be when spending that amount of money are slim.

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 19:09

It would be an unforgettable trip though

EsmeSusanOgg · 15/04/2023 19:14

It depends.

What is our relationship, are we close? We'll jump throughmore hoops for a best friend or a sibling - for example.
Are my DH and kids invited? If not it is a straight up no, as that's money that could be spent on family holidays.
Can we afford it?

JacobsCrackersCheeseFogg · 15/04/2023 19:16

My husband is attending a friend's wedding in Poland this year, but that's because he only has to pay for a budget flight. His hosts are paying for everything else. If his bestie said, we're getting married in the Seychelles!, he'd have to say no because of the cost, the distance and trying to get enough time off work.

evuscha · 15/04/2023 19:21

I would go to a wedding abroad in Europe. I wouldn’t go to the other side of the world if I couldn’t afford it! (unless maybe I always wanted to visit the place so combine it with a personal trip)
I am sure she doesn’t expect everyone to attend and will be fine if you decline.

Coldilox · 15/04/2023 19:22

No I wouldn’t. Holidays abroad are for family and we choose where and when we want to go

CheersForThatEh · 15/04/2023 19:27

Just say no who no space for wiggle room. Something generic like 'sounds amazing. Me and hubs wont be able to make it but have an amazing time!'

I'd live to go Seychelles but wvwn if I could afford it I wouldnt want to spend a week there meeting a wedding party and running around after a wedding. I'd rather go on my own terms.

The more people say no upfront the quicker she will come back to reality.

MissAmbrosia · 15/04/2023 19:30

Seychelles is ridiculous. My cousin got married in Cyprus and I would have loved to have gone, and could have afforded it but couldn't take dd out of school. (Not UK) Anyone having far flung weddings need to expect hardly anyone will come. At least in Europe it is possible to just travel for a couple of days.

woodenfork · 15/04/2023 19:35

Only if I wanted and could afford the destination as a holiday, so basically the wedding wouldn't be taken into consideration 😆. I also wouldn't spend anymore than I otherwise would have in fancy accommodation or extra wedding stuff .
I might make an exception for a sibling, not a friend .

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/04/2023 19:43

Bleurghhhhhh · 15/04/2023 12:45

Yeah hopefully she'll understand, I just don't understand the lack of self awareness, wanting to know asap, I haven't got a spare grand to just book the flight with right now.

This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. You do seem to know that you can’t or don’t want to go now, If you wanted to and you could (or had reason to believe that you could in the future) afford it you’d also be in a good position to know.

I did see your last post that you were going to decline. If she gets upset about that then so be it. You can’t control that.

Cosyblankets · 15/04/2023 19:52

We got married abroad and were not in the slightest offended by anyone who didn't come.
We fully understood. Ours was a few hours away. Not the Seychelles!

autienotnaughti · 15/04/2023 20:17

My husbands bf got married abroad it was £700 for both of us for flights and all inclusive for 3 nights. (5 years ago) We had an amazing time. There was about 30 of us and it's hands down one of the best weddings I've ever been to. But we wouldn't have done that for anyone other than immediate family/closest friends.

Daffodil92 · 15/04/2023 20:20

I would definitely go to a destination wedding if I was close to the couple and could afford it. I have been to a destination wedding in Cyprus and had a fab time. However, I reckon most people cannot afford a holiday to the Seychelles. The bride needs to be realistic and accept that, unless her family and friends are all loaded, it’s going to be a small wedding.

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