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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He charged me £10 for a lift

110 replies

Seeusernamehistoryyy · 14/04/2023 23:44

It's our neighbour, we've known him for 6 years and I felt we'd become friends over that time so DH was happy enough to give him the odd cigarette when he asked for one.

This gradually morphed into him knocking on almost every day, sometimes even twice a day and DH continued to oblige even after the price of cigarettes shot up, it became quite annoying actually but he's a friend and all that jazz. He'd occasionally give DH the odd quid in exchange. DH didn't ask him to. He isn't poor btw he's a business owner who owns properties. He could easily buy his own but begrudges buying a full packet.

If he needed a hand with something heavy (he owns a shop) he'd knock on and ask DH for a hand lifting, or for help when he was building something in his garden. We borrowed the odd thing briefly like a drill / screw driver. You get the picture. Neighbours helping one another out.

Anyway.. we are moving house and don't have the use of our car at the moment as its in the garage. We needed to take a couple of small boxes to the new house a 5 minute drive down the road. DH asked neighbour if he'd mind giving him a lift there. No help lifting required. There wasn't much.. but too much to carry alone.

Neighbour says sure, we thank him and then once DH is putting the boxes in the boot he asked me for £10 petrol money, cheerily adding that it saves me paying for a taxi. The taxi would have been cheaper and you can drive 50 odd miles with a bloody tenner.

I was a bit gob smacked to be honest but handed it over as I needed to crack on but it has left a bad taste.

Are we being unreasonable or was he?

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 15/04/2023 09:47

Well it's done now and likely you won't see him again.
Lesson learned but move on

Schnooze · 15/04/2023 09:49

Well I suppose he saw the end of the free fags so used this as a last chance to use you for his own benefit again,

ShowUs · 15/04/2023 09:51

I’m quite surprised at these responses.

There have many times an OP has said about lifts and the majority say ask for petrol money.

It doesn’t really have anything to do with the fact you borrow things from each other or do each other favours.

If it was one trip then I personally would have done it for free but I wouldn’t begrudge anyone for charging me.

Although I would have offered money when I asked for the favour and then he’d either say he didn’t want paying or said he wants X amount and if I thought it was taking the mick then I’d decline and get a taxi instead.

So I would be a bit annoyed as I would do it for free but some posters are being a bit dramatic.

Singapore4 · 15/04/2023 09:53

I don't think you were foolish to be fair I would of been gobsmacked also.

Now is your opportunity to say no to lending anything to him.

Phantomime · 15/04/2023 10:01

Seeusernamehistoryyy · 14/04/2023 23:58

I feel like a mug, more fool me indeed.

I don't mean to sound dramatic but it's hurt my feelings a bit, kinda highlighting the fact he obviously didn't think of us as friends in the first place which is sad as I thought we'd keep in touch after the move. Not now we won't.

Suffice to say when he came knocking today we didn't bother opening the door.

I absolutely get the hurt feelings.

i grew up with someone and ended up marrying a friend of his. Both worked in the same field. DH had been made redundant and friend suddenly met with some health issues that left him struggling to keep up with his work. DH stepped in, helped him through and despite many promises of what would have been extremely helpful payment, he never saw a penny.

About a year later DH needed to use a specialist bit of equipment which friend had. He went to friends house, used it and was then asked for £20 to cover the use. It cost pennies for DH to use this. By this point I’d been ‘friends’ with this person for over thirty years.

DH paid and it ended the friendship for us. Like you he often wished he’d been quick enough to say give your head a wobble but at the time you don’t think. We get a Christmas card from him yearly. It’s never reciprocated.

Ktime · 15/04/2023 10:09

PuzzledObserver · 15/04/2023 09:28

Don’t feel bad about being caught on the hop, OP, we’ve all been there.

You are allowed to charge for giving people lifts, but only up to the actual cost of doing so. Same as the HMRC rate for business use of a private car, 45p per mile. Anything more than that and you are plying for hire or reward, and I doubt he is insured for that. So it’s a good job he didn’t crash on the way.

Anyway - he’s out of your life now and it sounds like good riddance.

Of course you can charge whatever you want for a lift!

The 45p per mile applies to businesses, not friends and neighbours.

Ktime · 15/04/2023 10:12

ShowUs · 15/04/2023 09:51

I’m quite surprised at these responses.

There have many times an OP has said about lifts and the majority say ask for petrol money.

It doesn’t really have anything to do with the fact you borrow things from each other or do each other favours.

If it was one trip then I personally would have done it for free but I wouldn’t begrudge anyone for charging me.

Although I would have offered money when I asked for the favour and then he’d either say he didn’t want paying or said he wants X amount and if I thought it was taking the mick then I’d decline and get a taxi instead.

So I would be a bit annoyed as I would do it for free but some posters are being a bit dramatic.

It doesn’t really have anything to do with the fact you borrow things from each other or do each other favours.

Of course it does. Why do you think giving a lift is not a favour?

This dickhead has been cadging cigarettes and favours from his neighbours for years and suddenly when they need a lift, you are putting lifts in a different category?!

PuzzledObserver · 15/04/2023 10:23

@ktime you can’t charge whatever you want for giving a lift. You can charge up to the amount it costs you to provide it.

https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/motoring-news/giving-your-friends-a-lift-fines/

How giving your friends a lift can lead to a hefty fine | RAC Drive

https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/motoring-news/giving-your-friends-a-lift-fines/

blahblahblah1654 · 15/04/2023 10:30

What a user. I'm glad you didn't answer the door to him. Let's hope it teaches him a lesson. I wouldn't bother with him from now on.

SunnieShine · 15/04/2023 10:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/04/2023 00:43

Everyone 'knows' what they would have said. But IRL all of us have been stumped, caught off guard, and kicked ourselves afterwards. CF like this rely on it.

OP I'd be tempted to leave an invoice for all the ciggies.

Thank you, you've saved me having to write this myself.

aibuaibuaibu · 15/04/2023 12:57

Zanatdy · 15/04/2023 06:29

Next time he dares to ask for a cig I’d be saying it’s £10 for each one. Absolute cheek of it. My parents once had a neighbour they did loads of favours for, including lots of driving her to the railway station, she never offered any petrol money. Eventually (few years later) she announced she was taking them to a Carvery to thank them for all the favours / lifts (my dad did loads in her garden too. When it came to the bill my mum ended up offering to pay half as she said as my dad had a pint she felt she should - oh yes please she said!

Why would your mum offer to pay half?

aibuaibuaibu · 15/04/2023 12:58

Used tampon in the letter box

Ktime · 15/04/2023 13:10

aibuaibuaibu · 15/04/2023 12:58

Used tampon in the letter box

yabuyabuyabu

Ktime · 15/04/2023 13:13

PuzzledObserver · 15/04/2023 10:23

@ktime you can’t charge whatever you want for giving a lift. You can charge up to the amount it costs you to provide it.

https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/motoring-news/giving-your-friends-a-lift-fines/

The warning has been issued by Dorset Police, who exposed an illegal lift-sharing system based in Bournemouth and Poole earlier this year, with over 5,000 members on Facebook.

That’s a bit of an extreme example in that link.

If I charge my brother £20 for an early collection from the airport 5 mins away, no one is going to arrest me!

Soapyspuds · 15/04/2023 13:17

I think you are bonkers for letting them know your new address. They sound like a top level scrounger and you are better off never seeing them again.

aibuaibuaibu · 15/04/2023 13:33

A taxi would have cost you that much to get there and back and plus offload, Xx

EarthlyNightshade · 15/04/2023 13:52

ShowUs · 15/04/2023 09:51

I’m quite surprised at these responses.

There have many times an OP has said about lifts and the majority say ask for petrol money.

It doesn’t really have anything to do with the fact you borrow things from each other or do each other favours.

If it was one trip then I personally would have done it for free but I wouldn’t begrudge anyone for charging me.

Although I would have offered money when I asked for the favour and then he’d either say he didn’t want paying or said he wants X amount and if I thought it was taking the mick then I’d decline and get a taxi instead.

So I would be a bit annoyed as I would do it for free but some posters are being a bit dramatic.

Would you really charge a friend (or a close neighbour) for a lift?

PuzzledObserver · 15/04/2023 15:50

Ktime · 15/04/2023 13:13

The warning has been issued by Dorset Police, who exposed an illegal lift-sharing system based in Bournemouth and Poole earlier this year, with over 5,000 members on Facebook.

That’s a bit of an extreme example in that link.

If I charge my brother £20 for an early collection from the airport 5 mins away, no one is going to arrest me!

You’re right, it’s highly unlikely that you would be caught. But that doesn’t mean no rules are being broken.

If you are accepting/charging more than it costs you to make the journey, you are supposed to have a private hire licence and everything that goes with that. You could be prosecuted. You should also declare the income for tax purposes. You will effectively be uninsured, unless your policy includes driving for hire or reward.

So, again - highly unlikely to suffer any consequences, but you could, because several different rules are being broken.

I would be most concerned about the insurance one.

Zanatdy · 15/04/2023 16:37

aibuaibuaibu · 15/04/2023 12:57

Why would your mum offer to pay half?

Because the woman looked horrified when she saw the bill and she felt bad.

Perky1 · 16/04/2023 18:07

Your neighbour didn’t get where he is today by being benevolent 🤷‍♀️

Lozois99 · 16/04/2023 18:11

Prick

invoice him for fags. Seriously

MamaBearBoo · 16/04/2023 18:21

I'd tell him to take it off the money he owes you for the cigarettes!!

guffaux · 16/04/2023 18:57

we were invited to a pub lunch by rich brother and pensioner mum , we thought we'd be paying for ourselves or maybe going halves with brother, en route, mum said it was her treat, as brother had taken her out the day before, (he drove, she bought lunch) on getting the bill, mum went pale and murmured how expensive it was, so we offered to pay, swiftly accepted by rich brother who sat looking smug after telling us how wealthy he is and how many properties he owns now - it was so much less expensive than just taking mum out and treating her ,as he ordered the highest price item plus sides and pudding. (to be fair he bought a round)

MontySass · 16/04/2023 18:58

I am rubbish when caught on the back foot, so likely I would have responded exactly as you did. I would also feel exactly the same as you after the event.
So glad you ignored him knocking at your door! You never know he might realise he has been a right CF. Minute chance he learns from this.

Fluffmum · 16/04/2023 19:26

Completely self absorbed. He is one CF

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