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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He charged me £10 for a lift

110 replies

Seeusernamehistoryyy · 14/04/2023 23:44

It's our neighbour, we've known him for 6 years and I felt we'd become friends over that time so DH was happy enough to give him the odd cigarette when he asked for one.

This gradually morphed into him knocking on almost every day, sometimes even twice a day and DH continued to oblige even after the price of cigarettes shot up, it became quite annoying actually but he's a friend and all that jazz. He'd occasionally give DH the odd quid in exchange. DH didn't ask him to. He isn't poor btw he's a business owner who owns properties. He could easily buy his own but begrudges buying a full packet.

If he needed a hand with something heavy (he owns a shop) he'd knock on and ask DH for a hand lifting, or for help when he was building something in his garden. We borrowed the odd thing briefly like a drill / screw driver. You get the picture. Neighbours helping one another out.

Anyway.. we are moving house and don't have the use of our car at the moment as its in the garage. We needed to take a couple of small boxes to the new house a 5 minute drive down the road. DH asked neighbour if he'd mind giving him a lift there. No help lifting required. There wasn't much.. but too much to carry alone.

Neighbour says sure, we thank him and then once DH is putting the boxes in the boot he asked me for £10 petrol money, cheerily adding that it saves me paying for a taxi. The taxi would have been cheaper and you can drive 50 odd miles with a bloody tenner.

I was a bit gob smacked to be honest but handed it over as I needed to crack on but it has left a bad taste.

Are we being unreasonable or was he?

OP posts:
Custardslices · 15/04/2023 07:13

This is a lesson to have boundaries.

It's lovely to help people but when they regularly come knocking wanting the same items, when they can clearly afford them is a mistake to give them.

Next time he comes knocking I'd answer the door, telling him how I feel. If not he will keep knocking as he's in with a chance of gaining something.

billy1966 · 15/04/2023 07:48

EpicChaos · 15/04/2023 00:32

I'd be leaving a note for the new owners to warn them about their tight fisted neighbour, to be fair!

Excellent advice.

I would REALLY warn them that he is a complete loser user who will plague them given half a chance.

I can understand your annoyance.

Well done in no longer answering the door.

Good luck in your new home.

L3ThirtySeven · 15/04/2023 07:50

YANBU
He shouldn’t have asked for any money for a lift. That’s not what friends do.

The only part of your post that stood out to me was saying he is a successful business owner with several properties as if that would automatically mean he should be more generous and more likely to be a genuine friend.

Perhaps this is just me, but I have found that most successful people get successful by being greedy and gasping. They take from friends, neighbours, anyone they can charm and they never give back.

He sounds very much like a user and a taker. I’m sure he has a “I came from nothing, I got successful through my own hard graft” life narrative, though the reality is that he stepped on others to get where he is and will continue to do this to you for as long as you allow him.

L3ThirtySeven · 15/04/2023 07:54

Whichnumbers · 15/04/2023 07:12

Well I guess the £10 is to buy a packet of fags, you’re moving away along with his free fag dispenser

🤣🤨 It’s funny but that could have been his thinking.

Hellsmovie · 15/04/2023 08:08

Meh. Its £10 and as others have said it's a cheap price to have him out your life

butterpuffed · 15/04/2023 08:12

Even apart from charging OP £10 for a lift , it's very odd to come round asking for a cigarette every day , but odder to supply him with them ! 😆

ChickenDhansak82 · 15/04/2023 08:13

Give up smoking cigarettes and switch to vaping!

I'd charge him £5 next time he wants a cigarette!

Charging £10 was cheeky and downright odd! I'd be avoiding him for a bit!

Propertyhuntingsucks · 15/04/2023 08:20

yes, absolutely ask for £10 for the cigarettes and happily chirp that “at least you’ve saved him a trip to the shop”

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 15/04/2023 08:21

Good job you are moving. Best warn the new owners about his freeloading ways.

Eggseggseverywhere · 15/04/2023 08:23

Send him an invoive for all the cigarettes...
And def leave a note in a kitchen drawer op.

Trina1234 · 15/04/2023 08:26

I bet your glad your moving away from this leech

Stoic123 · 15/04/2023 08:34

He is mean and tight. You saw the cigarettes as the give and take of a realationship, he saw them as an opportunity to save money (and the lift as an opportunity to make money). Most people aren't like that so no wonder you are annoyed. It's also to easy to think of better responses when you've had time to reflect.

Let it be - he's now living in your head rent-free when you have better use for the space. Congratulations on the new home!

You don't need to see him again once you move and any further knockings and favours can be ignored.

Bhyr358 · 15/04/2023 08:41

Lesson learned OP, and be thankful you're moving. How weird having a neighbour knock for a cigarette all the time.

We're friends with a couple and I've done so many favours for the wife - took her to a hospital appointment, took her and their daughter to A&E, took the daughter to school for a week (completely out of my way) etc, etc. My husband has also helped them with professional advice (which would have cost them hundreds). We needed a fence panel collected so asked the husband, who has a van, if he could fetch it for us (it was less than 2 miles away). He fetched it and said "a fiver should cover the petrol". We handed over a fiver. We're unavailable for favours now.

NemoandDoris · 15/04/2023 08:42

Just goes to show takers are rarely givers....

Crazykatie · 15/04/2023 08:42

You won’t be asking him for a lift again let it go and don’t ask him for any more help, there are mean people everywhere.

JackHackettsMac · 15/04/2023 08:43

I suspect that he does genuinely view you both as his friends and probably doesn’t realise that he’s upset you.

Given his tight fisted ways with cadging fags and him owning a business and other properties, I think he’s the type of person who has to be quids in on any deal, regardless of whether you’re family, friends or a customer in his shop.

I know a few people like him and their mindset is that they must always ‘win’ IYSWIM?

moomoomoo27 · 15/04/2023 08:47

do you know that he's actually well off or are you just guessing? my dad had properties in the last recession but he was in deep with the collapse. it could be this guy has just had a bunch of mortgages double on him practically overnight, and all businesses aren't doing as well as they were a year ago.

YouveGotToGrooveIt · 15/04/2023 08:56

£10 is a saving - this way you and your DH know not to give him any more freebies. Think of all the cigarette money your're going to save now! Smile

MyStarBoy · 15/04/2023 09:01

Sadly there are few givers but there are a lot of takers.

Original poster
Seeusernamehistoryyy · 15/04/2023 09:03

I gave up smoking cigarettes a long time ago so they all come from DH nowadays.

Its true I don't know the ins and outs of neighbours finances but he does appear to be doing OK for himself. He owns a shop, a HMO property which is full of tenants, two cars etc.

DH is amazed by the poll, it made him laugh that 1000+ people think "John" is a CF 😁

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 15/04/2023 09:04

I hope your buyers don’t smoke 😆

PayNoAttentionToTheNastyLady · 15/04/2023 09:09

He's a cheeky git. That's why he can run a business. I know someone like that - tight as a duck's arse but with several properties.

Mamapiggywig · 15/04/2023 09:20

Next time he asks for a cigarette tell him it’s £11, then laugh and say it was £10 but with the cost of living and all….
then hold firm, no £11 no cigarette . Laugh the whole time, but don’t give in. It’s the height of CF.

PuzzledObserver · 15/04/2023 09:28

Don’t feel bad about being caught on the hop, OP, we’ve all been there.

You are allowed to charge for giving people lifts, but only up to the actual cost of doing so. Same as the HMRC rate for business use of a private car, 45p per mile. Anything more than that and you are plying for hire or reward, and I doubt he is insured for that. So it’s a good job he didn’t crash on the way.

Anyway - he’s out of your life now and it sounds like good riddance.

RicherThanYews · 15/04/2023 09:44

20 Lambert and Butler costs £12.65 so roughly 63p a cigarette. Times that by cigarettes taken by him on average per week and send the fucker an invoice.