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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay?!

103 replies

intheclouds997 · 14/04/2023 20:01

If a relative says to you "I would like to take your DC to Alton Towers with my DC", would you expect them to cover the cost or would you pay for your DC? (One child). Will know if IABU from the responses!

OP posts:
AliTheMinx · 14/04/2023 20:02

I'd expect to pay for my DC - and would provide money for lunch/snacks and offer petrol money.

Thursa · 14/04/2023 20:03

If we invited our kids friends out with us we paid for them. If our kids were invited places we offered to pay.

Bunnichick · 14/04/2023 20:03

I think you should surely be able to agree it between you. I'd offer to pay for my own DC to go but if I was the other relative then I'd offer to pay too so hopefully it's not a problem.

AliTheMinx · 14/04/2023 20:04

Sorry. Just saw it was a relative, not a friend. In that case, I'd probably expect relative to pay!

2chocolateoranges · 14/04/2023 20:04

If they said I’d like to take them I’d be thinking they were paying but I would still offer to pay… just in case,

if I said I was taking someone somewhere then I’d pay.

we took our niece on holiday a few years ago and paid for everything we didn’t expect my sil to pay for her to come with us. We offered.

Bunnichick · 14/04/2023 20:04

Thursa · 14/04/2023 20:03

If we invited our kids friends out with us we paid for them. If our kids were invited places we offered to pay.

Agree!

it shouldn't be each party trying to get out of paying!

Lulu1919 · 14/04/2023 20:04

Mmmm could be taken either way
I'd prob offer the entrance fee

LeilaDarling · 14/04/2023 20:04

I would presume they were treating but would send money for food and drinks for both kids maybe?

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 14/04/2023 20:05

If I invite one of the dc friends to join us doing something then I expect to pay for them. If the situation is reversed I do always offer to pay though, but mostly I find that if an invitation is given then the person inviting is paying.

HumphreysCorner · 14/04/2023 20:05

I would always offer to pay 💰

Probz · 14/04/2023 20:06

I'd always offer to pay and wouldnt be offended if they took it. They are taking my kids out after all. If also send money for food, snacks, etc. If I offered to take someone's kids I would pay, and if someone offered to pay I'd say no.

Backtobed · 14/04/2023 20:06

Depends on wording.

If it's exactly how you quoted it in the OP, then they should pay. However if they said "we're taking our DC to AT, does yours want to go?" I'd expect to pay for my own child.

In essence was it an invitation to join them or did they say they were going and we're happy to take your DC with them?

TokenGinger · 14/04/2023 20:07

If I invited my niece, I'd expect to pay for her. However, if my brother invited my son, I'd offer to cover the cost for my son if I could afford it. If I couldn't afford it, I'd say I'm sorry, I haven't got the budget to pay for him going with you, so he'll have to skip this time. Then if my brother had intended paying, that'd be his opportunity to make it clear.

But, I wouldn't invite a child if I didn't intend on paying, unless I made it very clear in the invitation that I wasn't paying.

ShonaShoop · 14/04/2023 20:07

The invitee should pay for those they invite

WeeOrcadian · 14/04/2023 20:08

Brother / sister - I'd pay the entrance fee + pocket money
Parents - they'd pay but I'd send pocket money

I'd definitely be offering thr entrance fee as a bare minimum though, regardless

Throughalookingglass · 14/04/2023 20:08

Thursa · 14/04/2023 20:03

If we invited our kids friends out with us we paid for them. If our kids were invited places we offered to pay.

This is exactly how we do it.

Floralnomad · 14/04/2023 20:08

If they said I want to take then they pay , if they said would you like me to take you pay .

drpet49 · 14/04/2023 20:09

AliTheMinx · 14/04/2023 20:04

Sorry. Just saw it was a relative, not a friend. In that case, I'd probably expect relative to pay!

Me too

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 14/04/2023 20:09

I agree with @Backtobed

I think it depends upon the phrasing.

“We are taking our children to AT, would your child like to go to AT? We could take him with us?”
you pay.

”We’d love to take all the kids to AT together next month, assume yours would like that?”

id offer, but I’d assume they were paying.

MelchiorsMistress · 14/04/2023 20:10

If I were inviting I would expect to pay, but if it were my child being invited I’d offer money and have no problem with paying if my child wanted to go. So basically there’s no automatic answer and either person paying would be fine as long as no one is deliberately trying to take the piss.

rampila · 14/04/2023 20:11

I'd say the etiquette is that you offer, expecting them to decline your offer. They then pay. You send child with pocket money and instructions to buy everyone an ice cream and upon returning your DC you hand over a bottle of wine.

Original poster
intheclouds997 · 14/04/2023 20:11

Thanks for responses. I interpreted it as an invitation, but received a text this morning asking if I'd booked DC's ticket. Won't make a fuss about it and will book the ticket but was wondering if I was being unreasonable to expect that it would have been paid for by them.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 14/04/2023 20:12

I always offer to pay. I’d give money for extras too. If I took another child, I’d pay.

Backtobed · 14/04/2023 20:12

intheclouds997 · 14/04/2023 20:11

Thanks for responses. I interpreted it as an invitation, but received a text this morning asking if I'd booked DC's ticket. Won't make a fuss about it and will book the ticket but was wondering if I was being unreasonable to expect that it would have been paid for by them.

No you weren't unreasonable, it would have been the right thing for them to do. But it's good that you're prepared to pay.

Poor planning by them though as you can always get 2for1s for AT.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2023 20:12

I would offer to pay and depending on the relative I might be turned down.

However, if I was taking a child, I would expect to pay.