To be angry by response

[Richierich77]

I’m not sure if I am overthinking or over reacting but now I’m home I am really annoyed.
My ex & I share 1 DD (9) & we have week on week off arrangement as we live in spitting distance so works well.
My ex contacted me on Wed to ask if I could collect DD at 3 today as he couldn’t get out of work for usual drop off as he has been asked to cover for unwell colleague & his wife is going out at 5 so wouldn’t be able to have her longer, I told him that I as I finish work at 4 & after commute couldn’t her there until 4:30/45 ish which he said was fine. Unfortunately I couldn’t leave exactly at 4 so got there at 4:55 & his wife was fuming.

BTW she & I have no bad blood at all but she was so angry as she said I’d delayed her plans & that she’d have to rearrange her travel arrangements because she thought I was coming latest at 4:45 & that I’d ruined her evening because she had to rearrange things. I get that I was later but only by 10 mins so I fail to understand how it’s ruined her evening.

AIBU so should offer her a genuine apology
AINBU just let her suck it up & ignore

4.55 is not 4.30/4.45 as agreed.
Especially if she has plans at 5!
Did you keep her updated as to your eta?

Tell her to talk to her other half, he’s caused the issue here.

I wouldn't be happy if I was her either. 4.30-4.45 isn't 4.55.

Especially since you knew she was going out at 5.

Your bu. You said 4.30 /4.45 ish, which suggests 4.45 at latest. You should apologise. A quick text might have defused the issue if you'd let them know you'd been delayed at work.

You didn't ruin her evening. You've been extremely helpful. Your ex is where she needs to direct her ire. Leave them to it.

I think she is being unreasonable. At the end of the day, you got there before 5 when she had plans. Also, you were doing your ex and her a favour by stepping in with your son. What would they have done if you made plans yourself and couldn’t help out?

Redirect her to your ex. You were trying to accommodate his work circumstances and she was caring for his daughter and had her evening plans disrupted. As usual it seems the only person not put out in this scenario is the father. Funny that eh?!

She had missed her lift so had to call a cab which she said could be anywhere up to an hour, I messaged my ex to say I was running late but he works on busy ward so may not have seen that message. Even so I don’t get how I’ve ruined her evening

She was leaving at 5 and now can't.

That's how you've ruined her evening.

This is for your ex to sort.
What does he think that millions of women have done to cope over the years?

She has fair reason to be pissed off, but she shouldn’t be taking it out on you. You were doing your ex a favour by collecting dd earlier than the usual plan so her problem should be with him putting you both in this position.

It’s between her & your ex. He’s the one that had to change plans and therefore childcare is his responsibility. If you’re going to get shit from his wife just say no next time.

I mean regardless of you helping out - you were still quite late and she potentially had to wait up to an hour for another lift so that does really ruin plans.

Why couldn't you contact her directly? You've taken an hour off her night out, which if it was show etc, has ruined the night. 4.30-4.45, as said isn't 4.55.

Why didn’t you message her direct? Seems odd to me that you wouldn’t be able to contact the person looking after your child.

Please don’t get me wrong this isn’t a regular occurrence & my ex & I work in same field (that’s how we met) but she was livid.

YWBU and should have apologised.

You were doing them a favour by collecting earlier then normal, you were late, tough shit, you've got work too. If they don't like it they can arrange and pay for a childminder in future

Why didn't you message her? You did ruin her evening because you were late. I'd be pissed off too.

I didn’t think I guess I just sent my ex a message.

I mean I was going to say it's just one of those things and she shouldn't be annoyed with you.

But not messaging her was ridiculous.

If you had, she might've been able to ask her lift to hang on.

I'd have been annoyed if I was her too.

But in the grander scheme of things it sounds like you've done them a favour - if you'd said no to picking DD up (i.e. because it's not your day), the wife would have had to cancel her plans altogether.

Why? This is not her child.

OP's ex would've had to decline the request for him to cover his colleague.

Well I still think your ex is the one in the wrong BUT a little thoughtfulness towards her would have probably gone a long way as she may have been able to get her lift to hold on.

hopefully she’ll decline to be babysitter in future and you will tell your ex it’s his problem to get back not yours.

YABU, she was right to be annoyed. She was the one you were inconveniencing so you should have messaged her (especially knowing your ex probably wouldn’t see the message).

Not only that but when you got there you should have apologised and understood her reaction.