To be angry by response

[Richierich77]

I’m not sure if I am overthinking or over reacting but now I’m home I am really annoyed.
My ex & I share 1 DD (9) & we have week on week off arrangement as we live in spitting distance so works well.
My ex contacted me on Wed to ask if I could collect DD at 3 today as he couldn’t get out of work for usual drop off as he has been asked to cover for unwell colleague & his wife is going out at 5 so wouldn’t be able to have her longer, I told him that I as I finish work at 4 & after commute couldn’t her there until 4:30/45 ish which he said was fine. Unfortunately I couldn’t leave exactly at 4 so got there at 4:55 & his wife was fuming.

BTW she & I have no bad blood at all but she was so angry as she said I’d delayed her plans & that she’d have to rearrange her travel arrangements because she thought I was coming latest at 4:45 & that I’d ruined her evening because she had to rearrange things. I get that I was later but only by 10 mins so I fail to understand how it’s ruined her evening.

AIBU so should offer her a genuine apology
AINBU just let her suck it up & ignore

@TorchwoodWho that still doesn't make any of this her fault

Next time they can pay for a babysitter.

If you put it this way, let's say someone asks me if I can babysit for them from 4pm, a friend, not for money. I say I can get there between 4:30 and 4:45 and they say yes please.
If I then was delayed and didn't turn up to 4:55 I'd expect to message them to let them know I was running late, and I'd come into the house apologising for being late.

Not because they're doing me a favour-I'm doing them a favour. But because I wasn't doing what I had agreed.

So if you take his child/your child and whose responsibility they are etc, I'd still say you should have apologised.

I've read more properly...5 minutes!! 4.50 till 4.55!! With some communication between the two of you (started by you), a 9 year old can surely be left 5 minutes?! I have longer poos than that.

If she had agreed to pick up early from you as a favour and then arrived late without messaging you, how would you feel?

The very least you should have done was keep her informed that you were running late.

Well if they ask you to do them a favour in future you’ll know to say no!

My son is 11 ND. I could leave him for an hour max.

I don’t think she’d do that without letting me know tbh

It's probably time to get each others numbers then. All this could have been resolved with a phone call.

Good point, I should have

These things happen. She has every right to be annoyed but equally you have every right to feel you did all you could

It really is just one of those "shit happens" moments. Hopefully you can both move on.

Whilst I think you should definitely apologise, I don't really think you've done much wrong.
I wouldn't arrange to be picked up 5 minutes after the kids were being picked up, that's not a lot of leeway if anyone gets stuck in traffic.
I also wouldn't have text or called if I was the one running late, as I would have been driving, so unable to do so safely.
But definitely apologise. Sounds like the three of you normally get on really well.

You tried to be accommodating.
You got bollocked for it.
Lesson learnt.
Don't offer again

It doesn’t really matter whether you think you ruined her evening. If you normally get on with her alright then it seems to me that her upset was genuine. You agreed to collect DD and you were late, so just apologise. It’s really simple!

As pp said, I can see why she's annoyed etc but these things to happen and you do sound like a reasonable person.

I do think it would have been good to offer her a lift though!