To take pressure off and just cook what she wants?

[ChickenBurgersAndWaffles]

DD is 8, and most likely ND.

She goes through phases where she insists she dislikes everything put on her plate, bar maybe one or two things, currently it’s everything apart from chicken burgers and waffles.

She’s spent the last few days insisting she only like chicken burgers and waffles, there’s no point arguing with her or trying to serve her anything else as she just won’t eat it.

She’s always worse when out of routine or tired or worried about something – she’s all of these things, out of routine due to easter holidays, tired from holiday club earlier in the week (that she loves but finds exhausting) and worried as she knows that next term is “transititon” term at school and she always worries about transititions before they happen, even though she’s usually fine and surprises herself by managing. DD is also going to her dads tomorrow until Sunday night and that’s another transititon even though she loves going, the thought of changing homes scares her – she came back to me after a week there on Friday hyped up and very unsettled, usually it’s EOWend for 2 nights but holidays he has a week or a few extra days.

We’ve compromised on that she can have some chocolate after eating and has to have some cucumber or raw carrot on her plate (and she sometimes eats this)

But WIBU to just stop arguing and let her have what she wants? I feel like the worst mum for not forcing her to eat properly like I normally would in these phases but I'm exhausted to.

I would not worry and just do whatever you need to do to get through the next week before she has settled at school and is eating her normal diet. I would always rather they ate something than nothing.

It's not a good idea to "force" them. Encouragement is good which you are doing, but turning it into a battle is just making it unpleasant for everyone. Keep encouraging. Will she eat some fruit? My little girl is terribly fussy and and tear my hair out, she will eat apples and mangos so I stock uk o those!

@Elaina87 Usually loves grapes, apples, bananas and strawberries but at the moment won't touch them.

She's gone to her dads now so we'll see how she is when she gets back tomorrow. I've had photos from her dad and she's fine, will also speak to her on the phone at about 6.30.

You are not “creating a monster” 🙄🙄🙄 people don’t have a clue. Same as the whole “rewarding with chocolate” thing, these are really negative and unhealthy ways to think about food.

You've said transitions are hard.
She wants easy food on transition and stressful times.
That's pretty normal human behaviour.

You're not giving in and you should NEVER force her to eat what she can't handle (yes, can't handle, not just doesn't want).
If you do, you're setting her up for a lifetime of eating problems.

She wants to eat what she needs to eat. Don't compromise by offering treats if she eats what you want her to.
Offer the food. If she doesn't eat it, then that's fine.
Put in front of her her safe foods, and food you know she'll eat. Also supply other healthy food.
But don't tell her what she must eat, don't force the issue.

Most likely.
I'm 46 and always had a choice for dinner.
In fact, big family dinners, like Sunday, we had tureens on the table - every food item was in the tureens and we helped ourselves to what we wanted.

My dad always had his own dinner when he came home from work, and we ate whatever was made for tea, but we were always asked, and by the time we were in seniors, we were making our own anyway.
If we didn't like it, we didn't eat it.

My mum remembers her brother being served the same dinner 3 days in a row because he didn't eat it (over 60 years ago) and she always said she would never do that to her children.

So yeah, anyone who didn't want to punish their children for having food issues has done it...

@ChickenBurgersAndWaffles I saw this tiktok and thought of this thread!
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYnc59xf/

@ChickenBurgersAndWaffles I saw this tiktok and thought of this thread!
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYnc59xf/

Listen, I am 27 years old,, a parent myself, and ND. I have a tricky relationship with food and you need to trust ND people of any age when they say they can’t eat something or can only eat a safe food. If I only wanted chicken and waffles, you could give me something else that I usually love and I couldn’t eat it. It’s like every fibre of your being rebels against the idea, it smells bad, it tastes bad, the texture is horrible, you want to cry. I have put myself off food i actually like by forcing myself to eat it when I didn’t want to.

sit down with your child and try gently and calmly work out some alternatives, and let them know you want to help. Sometimes the food you really want you can’t have, and part of navigating the world as a neurodiverse person is learning to find ways around things like this. But honestly chicken and waffles for a while is not the worst thing in the world - can you make sure your child is also eating other things for other meals to balance it out, having veggies, fruits, taking vitamins ? It is likely they will move to another safe food after a while by the sounds of it, sometimes this is the sort of thing you just need to stick out to make everyone’s lives comfortable :)

It is your responsibility to provide different food experiences. Yes it is exhausting but so rewarding when it pays off.
I have a picky eater myself and she will scream and shout at the table when it isn't something she has had before. We have got in to the routine of telling her she doesn't have to eat it but she has to sit at the table with everyone else while they eat it. We tell her there won't be anything else served for tea so she can leave it if she wants but everyone is having the same and there won't be anything else. Then we ignore any of her negative behaviour. She always ends up trying it and even if she doesn't eat it all, she is rewarded for the good behaviour with lots of fuss.
You can also take the edge off her having to try something new by providing one 'safe food' on her plate - but she is only going to try new things if you give her the opportunities.
If you have Instagram, follow mamaknowsnutrition - she does picky eater tips regularly and I have found it really helpful.

Just seems weird to me, children have survived all these millenia by being fed what was available . If a kid is hungry they'll eat and that's the truth. If they're not eating its to try exerting control so ignore them. She clearly eats most of the time so why even make such a fuss? Food on table, take it or leave it.

Nonsense.

The worst battles ( and the easiest to lose) are food battles

No it's not

I was forced to eat what I hated. Mealtimes were utter misery and I still don't eat those foods to this day

I'm not suggesting anyone is forced to eat anything. I said take it or leave it. Hungry kids eat. Eating food you don't like very much never hurt anyone. Even I can eat parsnips if the situation calls for it

Again. Wrong. I would not have eaten it. And when forced to I cried. And heaved. Now I'm an adult I would not eat it even if nothing else there

That is no way to have a good relationship with food.

So if she tries it, and doesn't like it, she goes hungry because she has to eat the same as everyone else?

Utter bollocks I had that as a child. Dinner was served. I ate what I wanted, left what I didn't. If I left it no alternative offered.
I did same raising my kid. I ended up being a fussy eater but he didn't. It literally makes no difference. You obviously had a totally different experience in that you were forced. Which as I'll repeat again, I'm not recommending.

Just offer her the choice of whatever you are eating that evening. If she doesn't eat it; she goes hungry.

I think this is such shit advice.

I have one fussy eater and two not.

So doing the same doesn't mean you'll get the result you expect.

Every child is different. I offered various foods but in the end, once their preferences were known then they were given food they enjoyed

@MummaN

So you force your child to sit at a table and watch you eat and make her go hungry if she doesn't comply?

Wow.

Your poor child.

Appreciate your concern. Perhaps my post wasn't clear for you so I will explain a bit better.

No she doesn't go hungry because she ends up eating it 9 times out of ten. This isn't me giving her a food I know she doesn't like and forcing her to eat it; it's about her trying new foods she hasn't tried before. The classic 'how do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it'.
If I took her word for it every time I made something new she would never try new foods.
I do not force her to eat it but I let her know that if she doesn't want it, that's fine. No pressure.
The result for us is that she eats it and the next time it is served I've had no fuss.

@Nanny0gg
No if she tries it she gets the same reward of fuss for being brave and trying something new but I am not going to tell her at the start that she can have something else or she wouldn't try anything.
Thus far she hasn't disliked something new so I haven't had to think up an alternative.
My advise was purely about taking the pressure off, instead of saying "you have to eat it and you're not getting down from the table until you have" we say "you don't have to eat anything but it is dinner time and everyone is sitting at the table so you can sit at the table too".
It works for us.

Ah so she hasn't really got an issue with eating then?

Certainly no neurodiversity or sensory issues like the OP's child.

I have a son with autism this part breaks my heart he actually retchs and can be sick with many foods because of their texture . Mostly I just try to cook what I know he can eat as I can’t watch him struggle with food. it’s a sensory issue and she really can’t help this xx

Don’t be ridiculous . The lady clearly stated the child is a) 8 and b) likely neurodivergent. Are you aware of the sensory issues that neurodivergent people have with foods?