Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my partner going to cheat

122 replies

ToffeeKrisp · 14/04/2023 13:23

Due to get married in a few months
Partner going on holiday with his friends for ten days next week
Today arrives a small package for him which I opened and is a packet of viagra
My partner doesn’t have an ED but can sometimes loose his erection which has never been an issue as we’re in a long term relationship
I recently learned he’s never been faithfully in previous relationships but he tells me he wouldn’t ever do that to me, we’re getting married and have a child
I’ve never suspected anything with him and he rarely goes out with friends although he doesn’t on occasions

I feel a bit sick and not sure what to think

OP posts:
eyerollwiththepunches · 14/04/2023 17:05

But men will be men

🤮🤮🤮

The men I know don't behave like this, and nobody should be thinking that it's normal.

@Rockychocolate

eyerollwiththepunches · 14/04/2023 17:06

And nobody knows why he's got this Viagra. But the 10 day "lads' holiday" would be a deal-breaker for me. The whole idea is repellent.

mischlerischler · 14/04/2023 17:06

I think it's silly to marry someone who you can't have open conversation with.

All this game playing and waiting if he will take it on holidays with him or not. Bottom line is that you don't trust him.

If you can't have an honest conversation with your partner, you should not marry him.

MrsMoastyToasty · 14/04/2023 17:22

Ring hotel reception and ask to be put through to his room. Dont phone his mobile , he will see who's calling. Do it at a time when you would expect him to be asleep. See who answers.

Original poster
ToffeeKrisp · 14/04/2023 18:03

@mischlerischler I’m happy to have an open conversation but also before I jump to a conclusion I would like to see exactly where these viagra pills end up, we’re NTON adults and this is a bit of a surprising situation one that I have not previously encountered as such have turned to the kind people of MN for some guidance I guess if that makes sense , anyone that has been cheated before will know that the other person naturally is not going to respond with the truth but that truth will destroy their life

OP posts:
workworkworkugh · 15/04/2023 09:24

It's probably too late now, but I would've said a package arrived for him and then when I knew he'd opened it, ask him casually what it was.
If he lies you'll know.

KettrickenSmiled · 15/04/2023 12:35

ToffeeKrisp · 14/04/2023 15:58

@Blondeshavemorefun I was unpacking his travel bag when we packed our sons stuff in there once when he stayed at his grand and in one of the pockets found a packet of viagra which was expired and asked him about it. That’s when the cheating conversation happened and I found out that he’s not ever been faithful to anyone but me apparently since then I’ve been super paranoid and when this package came it was unusual as small and rattled and for whatever reason my gut said I get it’s viagra don’t know why that’s hard to understand, women’s intuition perhaps came over me I don’t know

There is no such thing as women's intuition.
You do yourself a disservice when you claim it.

You didn't "intuit" that the package contained viagra.
You deducted it.
You know he's cheated on every woman he's been with, so you know deep down he will cheat on you too.
You knew that he'd ordered viagra before.
You knew he was going on a long lad's holiday.

Ergo ... the pills are probably not for home use, & he is planning to cheat.

I appreciate you want to wait & see if he packs them ... but either way, this man is not marriage material. He's a serial cheat, he's going to hurt you at some point.

Softoprider · 15/04/2023 16:17

Yes this is the thing OP.. he is going to hurt you at some point.. he will hurt you at some point and if this is not enough.. the hurt will probably be in your pocket when you divorce him should you be stupid enough to marry this waste of space

SoupDragon · 15/04/2023 16:24

Why are you marrying someone you don't trust? That is what it boils down to.

He has form for cheating and you will never trust him so why put yourself through the stress and anxiety of constantly thinking he is cheating on you?

JollyHolly30 · 16/04/2023 05:13

ToffeeKrisp · 14/04/2023 18:03

@mischlerischler I’m happy to have an open conversation but also before I jump to a conclusion I would like to see exactly where these viagra pills end up, we’re NTON adults and this is a bit of a surprising situation one that I have not previously encountered as such have turned to the kind people of MN for some guidance I guess if that makes sense , anyone that has been cheated before will know that the other person naturally is not going to respond with the truth but that truth will destroy their life

What is a NTON adult? I tried to google it but couldn't find anything. Apologies if I'm being naive!

user1492757084 · 16/04/2023 06:01

Yes, watch him open the package.
Why the lads trip away if it is not his bucks?
What would he say if you and some girlfriends also booked in the same town?

It is suspicious; I can see why you are wondering.
You should talk about fidelity and that it is a deal breaker and be prepared to not get married depending on his opinion.

Couldreallydowithoutthis · 20/04/2023 18:24

Did he pack the pills OP?

bringbacksideburns · 20/04/2023 18:35

Do what the other poster suggested. Say a parcel has arrived and ask what’s in it? If he lies then you need to ask yourself why?

Two things would really worry me. The fact he’s told you that he’s never been faithful in a relationship before and the fact he’s bought viagra in the first place without your knowledge.

I also don’t know any men who would go off alone on a ‘lad’s ‘ holiday when not in their twenties , for ten days without any women at all. Not being prim - just I know my male friends may go on a night out, maybe even a weekend - but nearly two weeks with only men when you have small kids just seems a bit odd. Unless of course you are planning on going somewhere equally as nice and leaving him alone with kids for a fortnight too? In which case that’s fine!

Original poster
ToffeeKrisp · 22/04/2023 17:29

So he’s packed and the package didn’t make it into the suitcase , it hasn’t even been opened.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToffeeKrisp · 22/04/2023 17:31

@bringbacksideburns it’s a one off due to a big birthday in all our years together he’s never been away without me or our family

i think possibly he’s been using viagra with me and perhaps never felt comfortable enough to tell me which makes me feel sad but it’s a touchy subject for men

OP posts:
CoffeeDino · 22/04/2023 17:36

OP the viagra is probably something he uses with you. He's just embarrassed to say. My partner was the same.

StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 22/04/2023 20:39

@ToffeeKrisp so pleased - this is good news! Bless you it must have been stressful!

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 23/04/2023 09:25

When he gets back, tell him you found the package and to just be honest, there is noting you shouldn't be able to discuss, even if it's a little bit awkward sometimes.

OrlandointheWilderness · 23/04/2023 09:32

He may not have tried it before and bought it to enhance w your sex life? Just talk to him when he gets back.

Original poster
ToffeeKrisp · 23/04/2023 16:28

I will do thank you all :)

OP posts:
CherrySprite · 05/12/2023 18:31

Hello everyone, I’m new to this and hoping for some input/advice. I’m in my late 40s and my husband in his early 50s. Been married for three years. He seemed to be everything I needed and wanted in a husband. Unfortunately, I have a growing suspicion he’s not being faithful. He takes Viagra, which I knew about early on in our relationship. The issue is that he has multiple opened bottles and is seemingly taking some from each bottle. I’ve started to pay closer attention and noticed he was taking them with him whenever he goes out to gym, work and etc. I’ve asked him about this and he said he would take it to get ready me for when he comes home. I was hesitant but I decided to believe him. After some time, my suspicion hasn’t gone away and today, I noticed another pill was missing and I’m sick so we are not being intimate for that reason. I noticed the pill was gone when he left for the gym. Im trying by very hard to keep a level head and keep it together. I know if I confront him, it’ll turn into an argument saying things like I don’t trust him and etc., so discussing my concerns are out of the question. I’m at a loss.

Sauvblanctime · 05/12/2023 18:41

CherrySprite · 05/12/2023 18:31

Hello everyone, I’m new to this and hoping for some input/advice. I’m in my late 40s and my husband in his early 50s. Been married for three years. He seemed to be everything I needed and wanted in a husband. Unfortunately, I have a growing suspicion he’s not being faithful. He takes Viagra, which I knew about early on in our relationship. The issue is that he has multiple opened bottles and is seemingly taking some from each bottle. I’ve started to pay closer attention and noticed he was taking them with him whenever he goes out to gym, work and etc. I’ve asked him about this and he said he would take it to get ready me for when he comes home. I was hesitant but I decided to believe him. After some time, my suspicion hasn’t gone away and today, I noticed another pill was missing and I’m sick so we are not being intimate for that reason. I noticed the pill was gone when he left for the gym. Im trying by very hard to keep a level head and keep it together. I know if I confront him, it’ll turn into an argument saying things like I don’t trust him and etc., so discussing my concerns are out of the question. I’m at a loss.

You need to do your own post o

New posts on this thread. Refresh page