Page 3 | Is my partner going to cheat

ToffeeKrisp · 2023-04-14T12:23:32+00:00

Due to get married in a few months Partner going on holiday with his friends for ten days next week Today arrives a small package for him which I opened and is a packet of viagra My partner doesn’t have an ED but can sometimes loose his erection which has never been an issue as we’re in a long term relationship I recently learned he’s never been faithfully in previous relationships but he tells me he wouldn’t ever do that to me, we’re getting married and have a child I’ve never suspected anything with him and he rarely goes out with friends although he doesn’t on occasions I feel a bit sick and not sure what to think

Indoorcatmum · 14/04/2023 14:29

Also, my husband and I open each other's mail all the time. Sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose.

It really isn't a big deal unless you have something to hide!

Don't let people derail the thread by focusing on that aspect of your OP.

Sometimes trusting our gut is the only way we find out things we are meant to know... And surely someone possibly cheating on their Fiance a few months before the wedding is a "need to know".

EVHead · 14/04/2023 14:34

My ex was taking Viagra to work …

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 14/04/2023 14:34

EmilyGilmoresSass · 14/04/2023 14:25

Wow. If you opened my parcels without asking I wouldn't marry you at all. Lack of trust and an invasion of privacy. Why don't you just invite yourself on the holiday with them to police them?

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Odd reply

meganorks · 14/04/2023 14:35

The only blokes I know of who still regularly go on all male holidays when married/long term relationships/families all cheat without giving it a second thought. (I'm not talking about occasional weekends away, more like week or longer lads hoiidays). In effect its like they are still single though - they keep their family (ie DP and kids) and friends very separate. They all just think it is normal for men to cheat because all the men they know do it. If he's cheated on all his past girlfriends, is buying viagra and going on a long holiday abroad with mates it doesn't sound promising....

Dinoswearunderpants · 14/04/2023 14:37

I'm sorry but you're a fool thinking he'd never cheat on you. This might sounds harsh but what makes you so special for him not to cheat? He's done it many times before, why would he not do it to you.

You're a fool to think he won't. You can confront him on this but he'll say the package is for a friend, which is total BS.

I assume you're dependent on him? Again, this sounds harsh but most people would see the red flags and run away from someone like him.

Mirabai · 14/04/2023 14:38

Wow. If you opened my parcels without asking I wouldn't marry you at all.

Kool. So if your partner ends up fucking the entire Carribbean, you’ll be none the wiser.

HotSince82 · 14/04/2023 14:39

meganorks · 14/04/2023 14:35

The only blokes I know of who still regularly go on all male holidays when married/long term relationships/families all cheat without giving it a second thought. (I'm not talking about occasional weekends away, more like week or longer lads hoiidays). In effect its like they are still single though - they keep their family (ie DP and kids) and friends very separate. They all just think it is normal for men to cheat because all the men they know do it. If he's cheated on all his past girlfriends, is buying viagra and going on a long holiday abroad with mates it doesn't sound promising....

Sadly I agree.

Often the only thing a man can respect is a woman's ability to have clear boundaries.
I've met more than a few men who take their partner's acquiescence to these types of holidays as a carte blanche to do precisely what they want when away.

There has to be a bar beneath which they just don't have access to a relationship with you. You have to be the one to set it.

Blossomed · 14/04/2023 14:42

I’m sorry OP, this sounds like a horrible scenario. I hope there is an innocent explanation, but I would absolutely do as you plan just to make sure (there is a lot to be said for gut instinct). Oh and I open my partners post too - it’d never get opened if I didn’t! :)

Levadia · 14/04/2023 14:44

FWIW, I think your man is 100% on the level here. He's not going to cheat. Simply because unless he's a fucking idiot, WHY would he send blue pills to his own address, whereby he knew you might open it? Surely he'd ask a mate to buy them, or send them to a friend's address!

I think you are totally safe here. In fact, more than that - maybe due to the impending marriage he's actually feeling a bit under pressure on many emotional levels and sent the pills on purpose, hoping you'd open it to start a conversation about it all?

Us men get very funny when it comes to our erections/size, etc. No matter HOW cool we are - it's the one trigger point that will still promote anxiety. And obviously anxiety = no erection!

Talk to him! And if you can't talk to him about something as basic as that, then tbh why the hell are you considering marrying him?

vivainsomnia · 14/04/2023 14:48

The only blokes I know of who still regularly go on all male holidays when married/long term relationships/families all cheat without giving it a second thought
Then you know dubious men. My OH goes on a ski trip with the lads every year and has done so for over 20 years. No cheating takes place. Just blocks having a good time together. Nothing wrong at all with it.

I agree with your plan OP and would do the same. There's a big difference lying about using it with you and trying to get you to believe he has ordered them for a friend.

Big hug to you, you must be in complete turmoil. It's horrible.

billyt · 14/04/2023 14:50

Levadia · 14/04/2023 14:44

FWIW, I think your man is 100% on the level here. He's not going to cheat. Simply because unless he's a fucking idiot, WHY would he send blue pills to his own address, whereby he knew you might open it? Surely he'd ask a mate to buy them, or send them to a friend's address!

I think you are totally safe here. In fact, more than that - maybe due to the impending marriage he's actually feeling a bit under pressure on many emotional levels and sent the pills on purpose, hoping you'd open it to start a conversation about it all?

Us men get very funny when it comes to our erections/size, etc. No matter HOW cool we are - it's the one trigger point that will still promote anxiety. And obviously anxiety = no erection!

Talk to him! And if you can't talk to him about something as basic as that, then tbh why the hell are you considering marrying him?

And in the real world....

If he wanted to start a discussion why go the lengths of ordering Viagra but not discuss?

I've never had the need for Viagra but if I did why would I get some ready for a 'boys' holiday?

And OP, you're getting married in a few months and he's not only off for a ten day jolly but also planning a stag do. Great fatherly presence there, then.

Someone who cheats on multiple partners is NOT husband material, sorry.

KettrickenSmiled · 14/04/2023 14:56

ToffeeKrisp · 14/04/2023 13:34

I’ve been cheated on before and can sometimes be paranoid, I opened the package because it rattled and my heart said I bet it’s viagra I have no idea why but that’s what my gut said so I opened it and that’s what it was . We otherwise have a great relationship he’s extremely romantic and generous and treats me really well great father this is why I don’t understand, he’s the one that wishes to marry not like I forced him to propose

Come on OP, this just isn't healthy.

Your excuse for opening his parcel is ... odd. I could just have my heart tell me there's cash n the bank, & have my gut tell me that I'll get away with it, so it's ok to rob the post office. Doesn't make it right.

You can't carry on holding your DP to account for an ex's cheating.
It's really unfair on him.
Why do you think hes bought the viagra for another woman? Just because it arrived a few days before his lads' holiday?

You need to deal with the underlying causes & symptoms of your insecurity, or you're going to make yourself constantly suspicious & unhappy.

Tiredmummaoftwo · 14/04/2023 14:57

Might be a "lads prank" if they slip it in someone's beer? Totally not funny but possibly hilarious to them? 🙄

This would be my immediate thought if I opened this package. That it's a joke or a prank rather than something more sinister. I'd also 100% ask about it.

Tiredmummaoftwo · 14/04/2023 14:59

Also does he usually need viagra?

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 15:01

Tiredmummaoftwo · 14/04/2023 14:57

Might be a "lads prank" if they slip it in someone's beer? Totally not funny but possibly hilarious to them? 🙄

This would be my immediate thought if I opened this package. That it's a joke or a prank rather than something more sinister. I'd also 100% ask about it.

With my zero knowledge of viagra, don't Boots sell packs of single doses? 16 pills seems a lot for a prank?

Original poster

ToffeeKrisp · 14/04/2023 15:01

For context I have a decent career and earn good money. He proposed to me beautifully, asked for my fathers hand in marriage , took on my first child , writes me beautiful card son Valentine’s Day and birthdays etc what I’m trying to say here is I’m not or at least don’t think I am a mug , I can’t get my head around all this but perhaps there is a good explanation.

I’ll be back in a weeks time with hopefully what will be me saying he’s left all the viagra pills at home meaning they are for us.

OP posts:

VWHoliday · 14/04/2023 15:02

maddy68 · 14/04/2023 14:00

Why are you with someone you don't trust enough to open his post ?

We always open each others post. Never thought it odd.

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 15:08

ToffeeKrisp · 14/04/2023 15:01

For context I have a decent career and earn good money. He proposed to me beautifully, asked for my fathers hand in marriage , took on my first child , writes me beautiful card son Valentine’s Day and birthdays etc what I’m trying to say here is I’m not or at least don’t think I am a mug , I can’t get my head around all this but perhaps there is a good explanation.

I’ll be back in a weeks time with hopefully what will be me saying he’s left all the viagra pills at home meaning they are for us.

Good luck OP, try not to sweat this too much, but FWIW I would feel some way about this too. I think it's really easy for people to tell you it's in your head, but don't be forced to gas light yourself, trust your instincts.

Levadia · 14/04/2023 15:08

@billyt Yep, that's a very fair point. @Tiredmummaoftwo this is also the alternative take. I've had mates who broke into my car and left an inflatable woman with seat belt attached, hands on steering wheel, before a "stag-do".

Tired yawny shit, wasn't funny in the early 90's, I imagine flies even worse now.

However, it is highly possible his mates posted him the Viagra as a joke "one last fling" thing before he "settles down". - Please note - the sending it is like the inflatable woman gag - IT'S A BAD-TASTE JOKE, but he had no choice in what his bone-head bants mates sent to him.

You know your partner! If you are suspecting he might have actually ordered them himself then get a pair of nutcrackers of Ebay for £1.99 and have then delivered with his name on package. When he opens it, grab them and read him the news!

WhatToDo2023 · 14/04/2023 15:15

That's very difficult OP. Your plan is sound although a conversation is still needed I think.

Don't be afraid of postponing the wedding. I had doubts leading up to mine and was too embarrassed to postpone my wedding and ended up divorcing a year later. Even though we were financiallyindependent etc, I found the divorce process brutal.

AnyFucker · 14/04/2023 15:19

The “Caribbean” is an odd place for a 10 days lads holiday

Is it somewhere well known for sun, sea and sex spring breaks frequented by Americans ?

ilovesooty · 14/04/2023 15:26

You aren't prepared to ask him about this
You open his post
You don't trust him at all seemingly

This marriage looks dead in the water before it even starts.

ClaraBourne · 14/04/2023 15:34

Have you checked he's actually going with the boys, 10 days in the caribean seems excessive for a mate's birthday, no matter how much you like them.

The cost, the use of annual leave when you have a chld together, he's already shown how selfish he is. Where does family time and time to look after sick childen come? Nowhere.

He told you he cheats as in 'you knew that about me'.

All he has to do is be romantic and he assumes you will accept anything he does.

New underwar and Viagra. He is taking the piss.

randomuser2020 · 14/04/2023 15:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Softoprider · 14/04/2023 15:37

Oh dear OP. You know what he is doing. You just have to admit it to yourself.
Honesty is required here. No 'catching him out'.. it's not a soap opera it is your life.
Ask him about the Viagra. He doesn't use it with you so he's either got it for a 'friend' which you know is a lie, or he's got it for his little holiday sex-fest

If this were me there would be no lads holiday to the carrifuckingbean but that's me and obviously not you