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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish I was brave enough to take the DC on holiday without DH

124 replies

Elmofudgeface · 13/04/2023 21:50

We have been stuck at home for a lot of the holidays and I'm feeling fed up. DH is very limited in which weeks he can take off work and it's looking like May half term is out of the question too.

I would love to take the DC away just me and them but I don't know whether I'm brave enough or quite frankly whether it would be enjoyable on my own.

I'm not talking anything too adventurous but just driving to the coast or visiting my sister who lives a 5 hour drive away. I hate motorway driving and just keep talking myself out of it.

Does anyone do this? I don't want to sit at home feeling sorry for myself anymore.

OP posts:

celticprincess · 14/04/2023 13:18

Been doing single parent holidays since kids were 2&5. Eldest is autistic and now a teen. They love a caravan park type holiday. We can make a plan for each do and go out and do something. This is better than us staying home all holidays as my autistic teen is hard do motivate if there’s not a plan. They both loved a mini disco type entertainment. Again because there’s usually a kind of routine as we often went to the same brand of caravan park frequently so they got to know what to expect. Even other brands or non branded parks have very similar evening entertainment. Sometimes we holiday with my mum as she’s retired but she is also disabled so often can’t come out in our day trips so may stay back in the caravan or hotel room.

Maybe start by booking a one-two night cheaper premier inn near to an attraction you fancy visiting. Or if you have English heritage or national trust then near to a property you fancy visiting that’s just far enough away to warrant an overnight stay.

Workawayxx · 14/04/2023 13:20

How about building it up slowly to get your confidence up - for example a night in a nearby travelodge? A day trip to the seaside (if within driving distance)?

Forgooodnesssakenow · 14/04/2023 13:20

bigbluebus · 13/04/2023 22:05

Let the train take the strain! It would be part of the adventure. Family railcard keeps the ticket price down. Find a seaside town so you don't need a car whilst you're there.

Agree with this, trains and ferries are the answe and you get to spend time together snacking and playing games or chatting as you travel. I take mine away myself, usually to visit family but they're 1 and 5, I'd take them away away on my own if I could guarantee they'd sleep

TheOrigRights · 14/04/2023 13:25

Have you looked at the family PGL holidays?
They're pretty basic accommodation and food wise, but the kids (and you!) will be fully occupied doing fun stuff which someone else has organised (bonus), you'll meet other families with kids (the degree to which you take advantage of that would be up to you).

I've taken my 2 away a lot (lone parent), though my older son is 10 years older than my youngest so a different dynamic, and it's always been wonderful.

TeamTitania · 14/04/2023 13:28

Absolutely do it. I have two autistic DC and regularly take them away on holiday solo. I'm not currently working because the youngest can't manage in childcare and we always do some trips during the school holidays when DH is working.

We usually do self catering as then we have space to hang out and do our own thing when needed. Done the train to Edinburgh and had an amazing week's holiday there. Glamping worked well, at small quiet spots just for two or three nights. I've not taken them abroad because one of them is scared of flying.

I've done long drives with them but generally I prefer taking the train if it's a long way unless we're going to see relatives who I know will have dinner and a glass of wine waiting for me. If we go camping I stick to 2 hours or so drive. We've done some nice camping trips to youth hostel association places. They have safari tents and pods you can stay in rather than camp yourself. And it's very chilled.

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 14/04/2023 14:02

Do it! You’ll have an amazing time. I have taken my two away by myself on multiple occasions over the years. Including once when one was a baby in a pram and the other a toddler. Getting through airport security required me to just plonk the baby into the arms of a surprised looking random bloke standing next to me so I could fold the pram to go through the scanner 🤣
Have also just returned from a weekend away with teen ds. We had a lovely time!

FabFitFifties · 14/04/2023 14:08

I've done it a few of times with my son but kept it within 2 hours from home. He's 12 now, and I'm considering Monday to Friday in the May holiday. I'm not Mrs Confident either but it's been fine.

FusionChefGeoff · 14/04/2023 14:18

I'm sure it's been mentioned but if driving is putting you off then take the train!

RumbleMum · 14/04/2023 14:22

It’s entirely understandable that you feel daunted by the prospect - I’m divorced and now absolutely love my holidays alone with the kids, but it’s taken a while to get here.

If you want to change things, I agree with PP about building up. Make a list of the things you feel worried about and do some short breaks or little trips that tackle just one or two of those things at a time.

I was nervous about driving as exDH did most of the it and I was an anxious driver. Once I had to do it (or not go out) I began to get over it - each time I’d plan the route and use Google maps to look at junctions, roundabouts, lanes etc in advance so I was prepped. Now I’m a reasonably confident driver which I never would have expected.

I understand completely the feeling of being without backup - just keep reminding yourself your DH could be there in X amount of time if it goes to shit (which it almost certainly won’t, but it’ll hopefully be reassuring for you).

Good luck OP!

Scarlettpixie · 14/04/2023 14:38

Elmofudgeface · 13/04/2023 22:09

Yes, Dh works long hours, so for most of the time it is me taking the DC places but I always have the safety net of being able to call him if I get in any bother.

What sort of bother might you get in that you need to call DH for? Have you ever had to call him when out for the day?

Scarlettpixie · 14/04/2023 15:01

I have been taking DS away on my own since he was 6. I started with a couple of nights at the seaside. I drove there without using motorways as I had never driven on one. It went great. I drove back on the motorway. I was 40. Since then (10 years ago) we have been on loads of camping trips, Disneyland Paris, package holidays, New York, caravans, Centre Parks etc.

It has been liberating and great fun. It is easier not having to accommodate the wishes (and moods) of another adult. I have never needed to call my son’s Dad (or anyone) for help (either when we were together or since we separated) but if something unforeseen happened we would deal with it.

Pick something easy to start with. Just go for a couple of nights. Plan everything well ( for me this is key). Enjoy!

Silverbook · 14/04/2023 16:17

I’ve taken more holidays abroad just me and DS than I have with the 3 of us because I get more annual leave than DH and don’t like to waste an opportunity. In many ways it’s easier because I’m in full control and never need to compromise on anything. I’ve had some of my best memories made with DS too. After the first time you’ll be wondering what took you so long!

What are your specific worries?

MrsCarson · 14/04/2023 16:40

I went with just the kids all the time when they were younger. Dh was always working and summer was his busy time so never had time off then.
I was great just us deciding what we wanted to do, where to eat etc.

Nordicrain · 14/04/2023 16:42

I do this all the time. Mainly to see family who live aborad but would totally do it for a holiday just for us too if DH couldn't make it. I don't get what you are afraid of, it's fun!

Dibbydoos · 14/04/2023 16:46

Just do it. If it turns out just as bad as being at home you'll know. But if it's great, you'll do it again and again and again.

I went to Cyprus when my DD was 6m old and took my 8yo niece too - my sister won a holiday she couldnt take. I honestly wouldn't go overseas on my own with kids again but I've been away loads of times with the kids on my own in the UK and taken a dog too.

Devoutspoken · 14/04/2023 16:57

It is possible to get places without a car

mdh2020 · 14/04/2023 17:45

DH promised to take half term off work and then announced he was going away to a conference. I took my two aged a little bit older than your’s to a hotel and we had a wonderful time. They are adults and still remember the trip. Have fun!

MeowingMad · 14/04/2023 18:52

I'm also not keen on motorway driving. Since divorcing XH I have forced myself to do it occasionally and have even done some really long drives to Europe.

Before that, I used to take DC by train to family.

You could work up to driving. To be honest, I find motorways abroad easier than in England so would probably still take the train if it weren't for the dog. And it's handy for outings to have the car.

But you don't necessarily have to go far to feel like you're on holiday, so you could start close and see how it goes.

NojudgementGem · 14/04/2023 19:28

As a single mum I did this regularly with my daughter and they’re genuinely the best memories we have. She now has a step dad and brother but we will continue a yearly girls trip as it really is special bonding time where they don’t have to share you, you can fall asleep with them, treat them, chat to them for hours on end, etc. In my opinion the benefit far outweighs the hard work!

From a young age my daughter knew she had to step up to help on holiday and would be extra independent and well behaved, pushing her own suitcase, etc. I think if you explain to kids in advance that it is a big thing to do it on your own and what you need from them then hopefully they’ll step up for you too.

OP go for it, I’m sure you won’t regret it

Mrsdht · 14/04/2023 20:15

Yup. Done it lots of time over the years. My husband worked away from home so me and the kids x 3 would go away to a caravan site for 5 days, sometimes my mum would tag along. They used to have great fun. Their father died accidentally aged 53 20 months ago and the youngest had barely turned 13. My advice is eat the cake, buy the shoes, take the drive, book the holiday.

Enjoy!

carly2803 · 14/04/2023 20:37

honestly just do it - single mum here so i have too!

i hired a cottage once for my 2, off someone i vaguely knew (though air b and b), so that made it easier
3 hour drive was scary to be honest and littlest was 2.

Or can you go with a friend?

defo just do it - an hour or two from home - even a night away is a sense of accomplishment! good luck!

cherish123 · 14/04/2023 21:06

Go and visit your sister. 5 hrs is not a big drive. If you have motorways go a different route. Are you new to driving? If so, may you could build up to driving part of the way on motorways and then all the way.

Songbird54321 · 15/04/2023 20:34

My sisters husband is self employed so doesn’t get paid when he’s off. She has taken her 2 kids on little caravan holidays alone a few times. She sometimes goes with a friend and her kids too as her husband is also self employed if that is an option for you?
Visiting your sister sounds like a lovely idea as at least you’ll have her as support once there.
My kids are still little (youngest just turned 1) so I personally wouldn’t find it all that enjoyable doing a holiday on my own with them at the moment but absolutely would in a few years

BiddyPop · 16/04/2023 10:03

I've taken dd camping before when DH couldn't get time off work. Yes harder work but doable and I made provision for some extra conveniences (bought fresh pasta rather than dried for example, and bought a hot rotisserie chicken another day ).

Plan where you'll stop en route - try to organise yourselves that 1 big stop halfway is at a mealtime, feed them well and hopefully there will be sleepy DCs for a bit after that. Plan snacks and spares for the journey.

Think about what to do with DSis. Bring clothes for mucking about and enough that you don't need to wash if possible. But if in DSis house, would you have access to washing machine meaning you could reduce amount to bring? I know that's the opposite but something to think about and decide what works best for you.

Have a decent travel cup for yourself so you get a good break when you stop but also get a hot coffee as you leave again to sip for the next chunk of the journey. And even if you normally push through and share driving, 5 hours is doable if you are well rested beforehand and have proper stops. But know extra places you could stop as well if you need an extra break.

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