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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family event on child’s birthday

134 replies

Runningoutofusernamestochange · 12/04/2023 21:10

If your in-laws arranged an event where the date is optional (wedding/funeral/another child’s baptism) on your child’s birthday would you be at least a bit miffed?

I would be.

(yes I am thinking of the coronation and Archie’s birthday.)

OP posts:
zingally · 13/04/2023 10:28

I'm sure Archie's birthday didn't even cross their minds. And nor should it have done tbh. He's not that special.

thecatsthecats · 13/04/2023 10:33

My grandma had the audacity to die on my birthday. So it could be worse.

Seriously though, your birthday is cake and presents at that age, and a party when convenient.

WheelsUp · 13/04/2023 10:35

zingally · 13/04/2023 10:28

I'm sure Archie's birthday didn't even cross their minds. And nor should it have done tbh. He's not that special.

That last sentence is mean but considering that Charles has never celebrated with Archie on his birthday, it will be fine if the events clash

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 10:35

Kokeshi123 · 12/04/2023 23:26

You do realize that, approximately five days out of seven, a child's birthday falls on what would be a workday for most adults anyway (and once they reach school age, a school day for the child and their friends)?

What do you expect, that Archie's family should adopt a long-term policy of staying off work and staying off school on this date each year in order that everyone should pay homage to the Holy Birthday?

It's normal that birthday parties are held on a weekend day close to the actual birthday, not necessarily the birthday itself.

There are few days a year when the coronation can be held. It can't be in winter, it can't be a rainy time of year, it can't be in July because of teens' exams, it can't be in August because people go on holiday. You are limited to late spring/early autumn, and there are only so many weekend dates available.

The people arranging this will have been thinking about stuff like how to minimize inconvenience for all the staff and security people and their families, not a tot's birthday.

You do realises that some children will never go to school on their birthday.
And nor will some adults?

But no they cannot organise a state occasion around a kids birthday.

aSofaNearYou · 13/04/2023 10:44

In a normal family, yes, in that situation? No. I seriously doubt Charles himself picked the date at random. It will have been a decision made by many officials considering many practical factors.

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 13/04/2023 10:56

Probably a bit different when your family is the monarchy.

Pickingmyselfup · 13/04/2023 10:57

Really wouldn't bother me if a family member decided to get married/have a christening/go on holiday on either of my kids birthdays. The whole world doesn't revolve around them and these things happen.

Some people are funny about this kind of thing though and it does make me eye roll. My mum wasn't happy that I got married in the same year she had a big birthday...yes year. Not day, month, week but the same year! Bizarre.

ImAvingOops · 13/04/2023 11:26

Tbh I do think a parents funeral shouldn't take place on their child's birthday if that is in any way avoidable (I do understand that sometimes there is no option). I find my birthday a bit difficult generally, but I certainly wouldn't want to forever associate it with the day I buried my mum or dad.

A wedding or christening is entirely different

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 11:48

ImAvingOops · 13/04/2023 11:26

Tbh I do think a parents funeral shouldn't take place on their child's birthday if that is in any way avoidable (I do understand that sometimes there is no option). I find my birthday a bit difficult generally, but I certainly wouldn't want to forever associate it with the day I buried my mum or dad.

A wedding or christening is entirely different

I'm inclined to agree with you.
I last saw a relative on my toddlers birthday, relative died very suddenly a week later, took me about 8 years before I could separate the two in my head.
I was going through the motions and put on a front for LO but...was broken inside.

miniaturepixieonacid · 13/04/2023 11:58

Of course not. My aunt got married on my 6th birthday. I was a bridesmaid and it was great. I got a fancy dress and the whole wedding sang happy birthday to me.

miniaturepixieonacid · 13/04/2023 12:00

But yes, agree re funerals.

ArtieMum · 13/04/2023 18:29

During 2020 lockdown I asked family to not schedule the funeral of my partners mum on my daughters 19th birthday so it was arranged for 5 days later. I was 36 weeks pregnant at the time, my son ended being born right in the middle of those 5 days, and the funeral taking place on day 2 of his life. It was a really messy time and we probably should have just held the funeral on the first date we were offered.

StinkerTroll · 13/04/2023 19:20

I really should have a go at the big man for having his birthday around the same time as mine (and my DHs), and how dare they try and blow up parliament on my DDs birthday!!!! Our entire family's birthdays are shocking! This is life, the world doesn't revolve individuals! Although as a pay off I've rarely had to work and never went to school on my birthday (same for dh)

x2boys · 13/04/2023 19:33

What would you do.if you had a child who.had a Xmas birthday Op?
my oldest,sons birthday is Boxing day people quite often arrange things on his birthday ,it would be even worse had he be born just a,few hours earlier in Xmas day!

TeenLifeMum · 13/04/2023 21:33

I’m probably alone thinking it’s a bit odd they didn’t avoid the king’s grandchildren’s birthday. Now Harry won’t be there for Archie’s birthday. Wider family fine but when this is a sensitive family member you’d think they’d go for the path of least drama. I wouldn’t miss my own dc birthday by choice. It feels like the palace picked the date without checking for clashes. (I can’t stand Meghan and Harry so it’s not me being a supporter, I just find it odd).

Bk1000 · 13/04/2023 21:44

We had to have my brothers funeral on my mums birthday because there was no other cremation spaces available for ages. So no I don’t think I would moan about someone having a nice family day on a child’s birthday

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 22:08

@TeenLifeMum the Coronation needed too be held in late spring for the weather and before the summer tourist season or wait to September. Of the things to avoid a preschoolers birthday wouldn't have entered the equation.

Saturday is the most logical day.
It will take a huge police presence so that will rule out any days with other big events
They wouldn't want to be too close to trooping the colours either

HelloIsItYouImLookingFor · 13/04/2023 22:27

Eggseggseverywhere · 12/04/2023 21:28

My exh organised his df's funeral for my dc's 13th birthday.. Twat summed him up.

I hope this is sarcasm?

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 22:37

I'm miffed having to share my birthday with a bloody solstice ffs

Red0 · 13/04/2023 22:45

MIL arranged a funeral of a family friend (she was executor) on DDs 6th birthday 4 hours drive from our home. Not saying she purposely picked that date, but neither did she consider it.

Elaina87 · 13/04/2023 22:47

whatsyourpoison12 · 12/04/2023 21:17

no. its just a bloody day. I know many people that dont tell their kids which day their birthday is and celebrate on the most convenient day

Baffles me when people do this. I really don't want to pretend my child's birthday isn't their birthday.... will always mark that day somehow.

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 22:54

Red0 · 13/04/2023 22:45

MIL arranged a funeral of a family friend (she was executor) on DDs 6th birthday 4 hours drive from our home. Not saying she purposely picked that date, but neither did she consider it.

Seriously, you are moaning about that?

BooksAndHooks · 13/04/2023 23:09

I don’t think it was even the original date, it was moved due to exam season.

JudgeJ · 13/04/2023 23:10

VerveClique · 13/04/2023 06:57

Personally I think people who organise coronations are really lazy with choosing dates without caring a fig for what it clashes with. I mean, this has happened three times now in the last century!!

At the risk of being accused of being a pedant there were 4 coronation in the last century, Edward 7, George 5, George 6 and Elizabeth 2 !

Red0 · 13/04/2023 23:11

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 22:54

Seriously, you are moaning about that?

Show quote history

Not moaning no, just commenting on a comment session of something that I felt was relevant to the post ☺️