To tell your ex to stop sending 19 year old DD £500 a month when she doesn't work?

[hcarter8]

Me and Dh have been split up for 10 years, i have 2 younger kids who are 7 and 5 with someone else. My ex (who is on a extremely good wage) has sent my daughter £500 pound each month for whenever she asks for the past year. I know it sounds like a nice/good thing which I suppose it is but I don't want my daughter to get everything handed to her. My Dd doesn't have a job at the moment and is always out partying and shopping etc and spends the money on whatever she wants basically. I wasn't brought up like that so it's odd for me and it's making her spoilt. Me and him have a civil relationship and can speak to each other kindly and I desperately want to ask him to not send her as much money anymore because it's making her think she has no reason to get a job because she thinks "my dad will just send me the money" . I feel quite stupid asking him to stop sending the money because I know I won't hear the end of it from Dd and I'm not sure how he will react.
As i said I know when it's not the worst thing in the world and he is a good dad to her and know it's not the worst thing a parent could be doing but it's doing my Dd no favours to be getting all this money for no good reason in my eyes. I want her to work for her money.
Aibu to tell him to stop sending her so much money?

By all means express your concerns, but expect to be ignored.

I think I'd be more disappointed to have raised such a shallow daughter TBH. It is possible to have fun and enjoy yourself without spending obscene money on consumer goods. Oh and to also be actually doing something - studying, working etc. None of these things are mutually exclusive.

Is your mother disappointed in raising one who enjoys being nasty to other people? I’ll rather have a shallow one 🙂

Hardly nasty, the daughter does sound shallow! Some people are. My own son has that tendency and I am not especially fond of it. And I don't know how low the bar has to be that we are not supposed to find it slightly underwhelming that a healthy adult has no job, no study and yet feels entitled to spend enormous sums of money on consumer goods bought by Daddy. Where's her sense of self, her wish to do things for herself? The OP clearly doesn't like the dynamic that has developed and I certainly don't blame her

This

Does she live with you?
Who's covering the costs of her living expenses?
Has he paid you child maintenance in the past? If not, why not? If yes, did he stop when she turned 18?