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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

From what sort of age would you assume a child in a queue is the customer?

127 replies

SarahAndQuack · 12/04/2023 16:16

Today I promised my DD she could choose a pudding at M&S. We put a few other bits in the trolley too. When we got to the till I saw they didn't have daffodils there (they usually do), so I gave DD a £20 note and told her to start unloading the shopping as soon as there was space. She knows how to do this. I went to get daffodils from the flower stand. When I got back, someone had come along and put her trolley in front of DD's. DD says the woman didn't say anything to her, just walked round her with the trolley.

DD is six; she is quite small for her age. Would you have assumed a child that age wasn't in the queue?

OP posts:
potatowhale · 12/04/2023 16:17

What a CF! She totally took advantage of the situation. I'd be so annoyed I'd make her take her stuff off the belt and get in line.

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 16:18

I mean she has a trolley so that trolley is in the queue. How can you just ignore a trolley. I'm so angry for your poor DD. I hope she likes her pudding though.

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 12/04/2023 16:21

Thanks both! DD was fine about it, just a bit confused what she should have done. I just wondered when is the 'done' age. I definitely remember paying for things in shops at her age (usually sweets with pocket money). But I've not especially noticed what other people do these days.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 12/04/2023 16:23

About 10. But if your DD was there with a trolley then I'd assume that you'd just nipped off and she was in the queue.

GBoucher · 12/04/2023 16:23

Agree. She's in the queue with a trolley containing stuff. What else would one be doing there if not waiting for the checkout? If I saw a young child doing that I would assume she's with an adult who's gone to get something last minute.

DuesExMachina · 12/04/2023 16:24

About 5 actually

You can just ask them if you're not sure

L3ThirtySeven · 12/04/2023 16:24

The other woman was being rude and behaved horribly.

Id think any child old enough to be left alone while a parent dashed for something would be old enough to hold a place in the queue.

Triffid1 · 12/04/2023 16:25

The other woman was a total chancer. Your dd was in queue. Even if an adult was returning, unless she was holding up the queue, there was no reason to oush in. It sounds like she had cash and could have paid.

People are annoying.

Ollybob · 12/04/2023 16:25

Depends if she was hanging back at the end of the till and the previous shopper was done so looked like she was just waiting for a parent.
As the other lady had room to manoeuver around her I'd say it probably didn't look like she was in the queue and I would probably done the same, maybe asking if she was next though.

kitsuneghost · 12/04/2023 16:26

If a child of that age was in the queue with something like a sweetie or a drink, I would assume she is in the queue

However a child with a trolley of groceries - I would assume her mother is still shopping and she is waiting for her.

Survey99 · 12/04/2023 16:27

Unless you asked the woman you don't know what happened. Your dd might have been a bit nervous and hanging back a bit and the woman thinking she was waiting for her parent never realised she was in the queue, there must have been a big enough gap if she managed to get herself and the trolley in. I wouldn't think anything of this to be honest.

Redglitter · 12/04/2023 16:28

I was at McDs with my niece when she was about 6. Little miss independent wanted to queue for her own McFlurry so I stood at the door watching & waiting for her.

Next thing a man walked past her & stood in front of her. I was about to head over when I saw the bold girl tapping him. He bent down to talk to her then stood back to let her stand in front of him

When she got her McFlurry I said I'd seen him jump the q and asked what she'd said. She said I just said excuse me you maybe didn't see me but I'm in the queue here before you. He was most apologetic

Shes never been shy that girl 😂

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 12/04/2023 16:28

Ollybob · 12/04/2023 16:25

Depends if she was hanging back at the end of the till and the previous shopper was done so looked like she was just waiting for a parent.
As the other lady had room to manoeuver around her I'd say it probably didn't look like she was in the queue and I would probably done the same, maybe asking if she was next though.

No, there was a woman ahead of us when I left DD and the end of her shop was still going through when I came back. The pushy woman had put a couple of bits on the end of the belt, but most of it was taken up with the original person's shopping. DD was still standing where I'd left her, beside her trolley with it at the end of the belt.

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 16:29

I'd have assumed she was a placeholder, I certainly wouldn't think a 6 year old was shopping alone!

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 12/04/2023 16:30

Survey99 · 12/04/2023 16:27

Unless you asked the woman you don't know what happened. Your dd might have been a bit nervous and hanging back a bit and the woman thinking she was waiting for her parent never realised she was in the queue, there must have been a big enough gap if she managed to get herself and the trolley in. I wouldn't think anything of this to be honest.

Goodness, I'm not about to ask someone what happened! That would be needlessly aggressive. But I would want to know whether, another time, I ought not to have left DD and expected she'd be allowed to buy things for herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 12/04/2023 16:31

Redglitter · 12/04/2023 16:28

I was at McDs with my niece when she was about 6. Little miss independent wanted to queue for her own McFlurry so I stood at the door watching & waiting for her.

Next thing a man walked past her & stood in front of her. I was about to head over when I saw the bold girl tapping him. He bent down to talk to her then stood back to let her stand in front of him

When she got her McFlurry I said I'd seen him jump the q and asked what she'd said. She said I just said excuse me you maybe didn't see me but I'm in the queue here before you. He was most apologetic

Shes never been shy that girl 😂

Grin Oh, that sounds brilliant! What a nice man, too.

I must teach DD some good polite phrases like that, I think. She might be a bit more shy, though!

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 12/04/2023 16:32

I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have thought she was shopping alone, with a trolley, at six. I’d have thought she was there waiting for someone.

Thats not to say it was wrong to let her- you just don’t often see it anymore, so I wouldn’t have joined the dots.

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 12/04/2023 16:34

MissingMoominMamma · 12/04/2023 16:32

I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have thought she was shopping alone, with a trolley, at six. I’d have thought she was there waiting for someone.

Thats not to say it was wrong to let her- you just don’t often see it anymore, so I wouldn’t have joined the dots.

No, don't be sorry! It's exactly the sort of answer I was looking for, to see what the consensus was.

OP posts:
RoxTen · 12/04/2023 16:36

I don't believe in place holding in a supermarket queue, people try and do this all the time in our local Aldi. They stick their kids in the queue before they've finished shopping. So if she was hanging back and didn't immediately start unloading the trolley I probably would have gone ahead.

itsgettingweird · 12/04/2023 16:36

I wouldn't have assumed she was queuing anymore than I wouldn't have assumed she wasn't.

What I would have done is ask her.

She may have been or may have been waiting for a parent.

The woman was rude and absolutely taking advantage of the fact a small child is unlikely to speak up.

Bramshott · 12/04/2023 16:37

It's definitely a thing - my DD has just turned 16 but looks much younger, and was trying to order a hot chocolate in Pret the other day. She said at least 3 people just skipped ahead of her because they didn't think she was in the queue, and she was too shy to say anything.

Skybluepinky · 12/04/2023 16:38

I wouldn’t have left a 6 year old in a q by themselves, sounds like yr child let them in front of her.

Dilemma19 · 12/04/2023 16:40

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 16:29

I'd have assumed she was a placeholder, I certainly wouldn't think a 6 year old was shopping alone!

This. I would assume a 6yo is waiting for someone and not actually going to load and pack! I don't think the woman did anything wrong.

Conkersinautumn · 12/04/2023 16:41

Typical M&S customer behaviour really. The only shop locally where kids get scowled at. Human beings with a veneer of civility would ask.

JarByTheDoor · 12/04/2023 16:42

I'd have tried to assume my least child-abducty demeanour, and ask her something like, "Are you going next, or are you waiting for Mum or Dad?" and brace myself for the small possibility of the parent suddenly appearing and yelling in my face for daring to speak to their child. That kind of parent has really done a number on people's willingness to interact normally with children they don't know in public spaces, so perhaps sometimes people don't want to take the risk and instead have to pick an assumption (child is queueing and I should stay behind them/child is waiting for parent and I should go round) and hope it's the right one.