From what sort of age would you assume a child in a queue is the customer?

[SarahAndQuack]

Today I promised my DD she could choose a pudding at M&S. We put a few other bits in the trolley too. When we got to the till I saw they didn't have daffodils there (they usually do), so I gave DD a £20 note and told her to start unloading the shopping as soon as there was space. She knows how to do this. I went to get daffodils from the flower stand. When I got back, someone had come along and put her trolley in front of DD's. DD says the woman didn't say anything to her, just walked round her with the trolley.

DD is six; she is quite small for her age. Would you have assumed a child that age wasn't in the queue?

I don't know if that's true. It's possible, but DD said the woman had gone in front of her.

I think she just needs more practice at getting "in there" quicker - that way any cheeky shoppers can't sneak in front.

Next time maybe encourage her to do it the minute the other person has finished (like adults do) let her do it and just stand a little way away and see how she does! Like you say, it's all part of the learning curve. Also she does need to practice her "excuse me I'm in the queue"/"excuse me, I'm next" as it'll come in handy in future at the pub.

I would assume she was in the queue. But if I were in doubt, I'd have asked her. No way I would just push in front.

I can vividly recall being ignored in Qs as a child, so like to think I'd even ask a 2yr old if they were waiting to do something like talk to lady at the till. In reality I might be daydreaming & call it wrong.

Especially if she stays short! A lot of people will chance their arm to push in with plausible deniability.

Sorry and in answer to your question, I'd have asked her. "Sorry, are you in the queue or waiting for someone?"

I don't think, at 8 or 9, I would want to teach her to say 'excuse me I'm in the queue' just in case an adult said something unpleasant to her. But YY, the rest I do think she is old enough to do. I can't say 'she definitely would have done that' because I wasn't there; I can only go from what she says and what I saw when I came back. But she says the woman had gone in front of her already.

@SarahAndQuack If it really was at the end of the belt and touching the belt end, then she is clearly in the queue.
I have seen this set up before. It is always a parent place holding with a child and is annoying if they do not come back in time. The child never loads the groceries onto the belt but just stands there.

It's the trolley+ her being 6 year old though - if she'd been standing in the queue with a couple of items it'd look as though she was being a "big child" and buying herself something with her pocket money. I always give children space and time and keep an eye that they get served if they're in front of me when they join the queue on their own because I know people do just look through children, and it's good to let them have agency and spend their pocket money themselves.

However a 6 year old left in the queue with a trolley is going to be a placeholder for a cheeky parent who's still shopping and trying to "reserve" a queue spot before they're finished.

A 12 year old, maybe in some walkable areas a 10 year old, might possibly be doing a small trolley shop of groceries for their parent on their own - but a small 6 year old obviously isn't, they're just being used to block the place.

Fair enough but until you deem her old enough to assert herself then it’ll probably happen again. CFs be everywhere and they like easy targets. Other than not leaving her as a checkout placeholder again, the only thing you can try is to get her to be lightening quick about grabbing the divider and unloading the second there’s a smidge of space on the belt. But if someone pushes in beforehand, either out of confusion or more likely taking advantage, and you don’t want her saying anything then there’s nothing really you can do.

My 10 year old boy often likes to go and get his own order in cafes - sometimes he and his brother go to the Sainsbury’s cafe while I do a food shop etc. I reckon it’s about 70/30 that someone pushes in front of him while he’s waiting. I’ve also told him to say “excuse me, the queue is actually behind me” but he doesn’t like doing it. I don’t think people are doing it maliciously, it’s just that he’s about 1.4m and a lot of men just don’t see someone down there!

yes, this is what I'm long windedly trying to explain!

I agree. You are using her as a placeholder. Which is pretty cheeky.

I think until your child is old enough to take the initiative to load shopping onto the belt and answer questions from adults around about, then they are not really queuing.

I can only imagine the woman would have had the room to manoeuvre around your DD if she wasn’t moving up the queue properly? At 6 I would have assumed they were holding your place but I probably would have asked…. Ages 9-10 I’d expect to be able to queue correctly

At 6 I wouldn't expect a child to be queuing and paying no.

You say she's a small 6 - so looks more like 5 or even a big 4, maybe?

I wouldn't push past an apparently unaccompanied child but neither would I assume they were queuing at that age. Tbh I would be more concerned about working out who they belonged to than getting ahead in the queue, so I'd probably have asked her, "are you here with someone, sweetie?"

This happened to my DD at around the same age and she said "hey lady, it's my turn next" The lady had the cheek to tell me my daughter was rude. How we laughed

Hey Lady? That was rude.

I don't think, at 8 or 9, I would want to teach her to say 'excuse me I'm in the queue' just in case an adult said something unpleasant to her.

Unfortunately @SarahAndQuack people can be rude to you at any age, and the sooner you learn to be confident and laugh it off the better to be honest.

I clearly remember complaining to my dad about an adult who'd been rude to me when I was 7 or 8, I was really astonished that a grown up would behave like that. He pointed out that sadly rude children sometimes grow up to become rude adults, and all we can do is try to be polite and not let it bother us - it made loads of sense (and obviously stuck with me).

I don't know whether you find it easy to be assertive yourself?

I think that's quite funny, sure maybe "hey lady" isn't the most polite but she must have sounded like a tiny New York cabbie from an 80s movie.

But she had the means to pay, and knows how to load the belt and pack shopping; she says the lady didn't speak to her.

I know this is dependant on me being reasonably sure DD is telling the truth, and the woman did go past her before there was space on the belt for anyone to unload, and the woman didn't ask her if she were in the queue. I suspect DD was telling the truth, but TBH I am thinking from the sound of the thread that another time, I'd just hover in sight of the till so I could go up and intervene if need be (but DD would get to practice doing the shopping).

@WitcheryDivine - if it'd been me I'd said 'excuse me' to someone who walked in front of me, absolutely. But I am getting the sense from this thread that probably she'd need to be a bit bigger before it'd be reasonable for me to teach her to say that, because quite a few posters have said that it wouldn't occur to them she was in the queue and they'd just want to ask her if she had an adult with her. In that situation teaching her to say 'excuse me, I was here before you' would probably just make them think she was copying what she'd heard an adult say, rather than that she'd been given money to pay.

If she was standing at the end and not pushing her trolley along side the counter and unloading groceries then I would assume she was just waiting. Like I would have anyone of any age who isn’t actively moving through the lane.

His the hell did anyone get a trolly past your trolly, the one your child was unloading? As there’s nowhere near enough space to get a trolly by another trolly.

Why did leaving a 6 year old seem appropriate?

sorry this seems too fabricated.

Depends on the shop. Toy shop = I would assume a child of six was the customer

Supermarket = I would assume a young child with a trolley was waiting for their adult to return and I would assume not in the queue

You misread my post. She wasn't unloading it. She was standing, with the trolley, immediately behind the belt, which someone else had been unloading their trolley onto. When I got back, someone had pushed their trolley past her, and had put a couple of things down onto the end of the belt. You can certainly fit one trolley at the end of the belt and one beside it. DD would have expected to start unloading from where she was standing, at the end. She says that the woman went past her before the belt had empty space, so she din't have the chance.

I left her because I wanted to get some daffodils, and for the usual reason you do leave a child with a bit of money and a treat to buy - so they can get the experience of learning to make that transaction. I thought six was an ok age as I know she knows how to put things on the belt, pack them, and pay, but I started the thread to see what others thought about the age.

@Redglitter do try not to use belittling monikers such as ‘little miss independent’ to discuss a girl doing something pretty normal. It’s no different to ‘girly boss’ or similar