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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this cannot be right?

177 replies

Coppercreek1 · 12/04/2023 14:15

DS is 9 years old and has severe autism, he attends a special school and in the holidays he occasionally attends a SEND play scheme, where I pay for a 1 on 1 to help him.

It was noted when he started going that he needs promoting to use the toilet, but otherwise rarely needs assistance, I was assured this was ok.

I dropped him off this morning, 1.5 hours later I get a phone call that DS has had a poo accident, and that they had tried to encourage him to clean himself up but no one there is insured to help him so I needed to come and clean him up, I advised I was 25 or so minutes away but that I would get there ASAP.

On arrival, I found a staff member holding the door to the disabled toilet shut as my son banged the door from the other side, so they shut him in the bathroom alone the entire time.

He had made a good attempt to clean himself up but he is non verbal and disabled! He had a small smear on his hands and feet and the tiniest bit on his butt.

I immediately cleaned and helped him dress and was just in such shock I just walked out with him and took him home.

Is this normal routine for a playscheme that is aimed at disabled children?! While their policies state they do not offer routine personal care nowhere does it state that in an emergency they won't step in for the well-being of the child.

He has attended this scheme in the summer holidays and Christmas holidays and earlier in the Easter holidays and they have never had to provide personal care so clearly they knew it was a one off, bit of a bad belly?!

Surely common sense should prevail and couple of baby wipes could have sorted it without locking a naked child in a toilet for 40 minutes rather than help him.

Surely they should have someone on sight insured Incase of emergencies like this.

wIBU to complain?

OP posts:
SchoolTripDrama · 13/04/2023 12:44

Nimbostratus100 · 12/04/2023 14:32

as a foster care and can confirm they would need legal insurance, and they would need it for life, if you are doing personal care for a disabled child, you are required to be insured for the full life time of that child, as it is possible for allegations to be made 10 or 20 or 50 years down the line

You also need hepatitis B immunisations

How utterly ridiculous

SchoolTripDrama · 13/04/2023 12:46

Coppercreek1 · 12/04/2023 16:28

I'm thankful I'm not the only one who thinks it wasnt OK, I honestly cried the whole way home, we've had many instances in his life of him being treated as 'less than' because he is non verbal and has a low understanding level.

This is a SEND specialist playscheme, it costs £100 for 4 hours plus I pay extra separately for his 1 to 1 for 5 hours (so half hour travel each way plus 4 hours)

Seems a case of like many things, they are for disabled children, but not his kind of disabled 😔

£100 for 4 hours??? That cannot be right. That's more than a private nursery

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 12:53

SchoolTripDrama · 13/04/2023 12:46

£100 for 4 hours??? That cannot be right. That's more than a private nursery

Show quote history

She's paying for a 121 carer who was sitting on her arse while the boy was locked in the toilet.

SchoolTripDrama · 13/04/2023 12:59

@Sugarfree23 The 121 was ON TOP of the £10" for 4 hours!

SchoolTripDrama · 13/04/2023 12:59

*£100

chessburger · 13/04/2023 13:29

A truly terrible situation for your son. Insurance or no insurance (rubbish) where was the common sense?! Why couldn't they have had a bit of a think and decided 5 minutes helping your son get cleaned up and back to activities was preferable to 40 minutes of distress, loss of dignity, getting sick from having poo on his hands, ending up injured from banging the door.

Nordicrain · 13/04/2023 13:30

Yes complain. This must have been super distressing for your son.

Needcoffeeimmediatley · 13/04/2023 14:24

Where are you based OP?

Original poster
Coppercreek1 · 13/04/2023 16:16

Just had a phone call from the company that run the group.

Very sorry, lessons will be learned, he was not alone the entire time.

Apparently group leader too afraid to wipe him as he has struck a member of staff before (first I've heard of this?)

Apparently not registered with the care quality commission so this is the registration that stops them helping not the lack of insurance?

So of the 5 providers who offer the HAF scheme where we live. Not one will provide personal care, so my son cannot attend any on the odd chance he has an accident and children in nappies and pads are just not allowed I suppose.

Because obviously none of us are on our knees and desperately need a break throughout the long holidays...

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/04/2023 16:26

That's absolutely appalling, @Coppercreek1 . The organisation that ran holiday schemes at our special school (and employed some of our TAs) took any child whose parents applied. And we had some very behaviorally challenging children, and a fair few in nappies. And it absolutely didn't cost anywhere near £100 a day.

I'm so sorry that it seems impossible for you to get the respite you need so badly.

Presumably its the local authority that contracts out these holiday schemes? Would it be worth contacting whoever it is that issues the contracts and point out that suppliers should be prepared and able to accept all, if they're to be given the contract?

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 16:28

At least they had the good grace to phone and apologise rather than some non-committal templated email, I suppose.

Have they refunded your money, including the day he was sent home?

1FootInTheRave · 13/04/2023 16:48

Absolutely unacceptable.

And the group leader doing nothing as he has allegedly hit a staff member previously? That's made the inaction even worse imo. No mention of insurance nor infection control etc.

Hope your boy is okay.

Original poster
Coppercreek1 · 13/04/2023 18:15

Ive now been in contact with the council who contracr out the schemes.

He advised it is already known to them that of the 6 SEN providers they have, none offer personal care. They've been in contact with the local special wchools and providers to try and increase the number of providers from 6 to 12 in time for the holidays.

DS school is one of the ones he said theyve contacted so I have emailed them as well for me to express support for the idea.

This is meant to be a scheme for EVERY child in our county who is entitled to free school meals.

And we all know those with SEN are far more likely to be entitled to FSM!

Fucking joke TBH

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/04/2023 18:21

Ah, so the play scheme wasn't just for children with SEN? If so, I misunderstood.

But yes, a scheme attached to a special school is going to be preferable, although it's unlikely that the school would want to run it themselves, given the stress schools are already under.

Ours was run by an autism charity, but lots of our TAs were keen to earn some extra money by working there during the holiday, so the children (and the organisation) had the benefit of people around who knew them and were familiar with their needs and behaviours

Original poster
Coppercreek1 · 13/04/2023 20:08

saraclara · 13/04/2023 18:21

Ah, so the play scheme wasn't just for children with SEN? If so, I misunderstood.

But yes, a scheme attached to a special school is going to be preferable, although it's unlikely that the school would want to run it themselves, given the stress schools are already under.

Ours was run by an autism charity, but lots of our TAs were keen to earn some extra money by working there during the holiday, so the children (and the organisation) had the benefit of people around who knew them and were familiar with their needs and behaviours

Yes it was a SEN specialist playscheme. Ran by a disability charity

OP posts:
Original poster
Coppercreek1 · 13/04/2023 20:09

Sorry I should clarify, there is a scheme to provide holiday activities for ALL children in the county entitled to FSM.

6 of those providers for it are specially for SEN

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/04/2023 20:29

Coppercreek1 · 13/04/2023 20:09

Sorry I should clarify, there is a scheme to provide holiday activities for ALL children in the county entitled to FSM.

6 of those providers for it are specially for SEN

Ah, got it!

I really hope they can sort something out for the future. I know how desperately parents like you need the break. My heart broke for both of you when I read your OP.

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 20:30

I cannot believe they are allowed to operate without being registered with the care commission.

I guess their is a huge gap in the market for this sort of specialist care.

Nimbostratus100 · 13/04/2023 23:09

Coppercreek1 · 13/04/2023 18:15

Ive now been in contact with the council who contracr out the schemes.

He advised it is already known to them that of the 6 SEN providers they have, none offer personal care. They've been in contact with the local special wchools and providers to try and increase the number of providers from 6 to 12 in time for the holidays.

DS school is one of the ones he said theyve contacted so I have emailed them as well for me to express support for the idea.

This is meant to be a scheme for EVERY child in our county who is entitled to free school meals.

And we all know those with SEN are far more likely to be entitled to FSM!

Fucking joke TBH

This is the problem with the assumption that there is meant to be a scheme for everyone - you rely on someone choosing to supply it, in particular, you are relying on volunteers, and there aren't enough

Original poster
Coppercreek1 · 14/04/2023 22:11

Nimbostratus100 · 13/04/2023 23:09

This is the problem with the assumption that there is meant to be a scheme for everyone - you rely on someone choosing to supply it, in particular, you are relying on volunteers, and there aren't enough

Show quote history

The staff at the playschemes are no volunteers they are paid staff, as is the 1 to 1.

But going forward it's going to rely on a provider wanting and offering essentially to provide personal care or the council refusing contracts to those who don't?

OP posts:
Slidingdowntherainbow · 14/04/2023 22:15

Your poor boy. Preventing him from coming out is restraint and it's so unfair on him. He must have felt awful.

YANBU to expect them to have a better solution than shutting him away on his own against his will.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/04/2023 23:14

Coppercreek1 · 14/04/2023 22:11

The staff at the playschemes are no volunteers they are paid staff, as is the 1 to 1.

But going forward it's going to rely on a provider wanting and offering essentially to provide personal care or the council refusing contracts to those who don't?

Show quote history

but whether these people are paid, or unpaid, you are relying on people choosing to do something basically altruistic. This isn't a career, or even a proper job. It is something people choose to give up their time too, and there are not enough people to do it

Aslanplustwo · 14/04/2023 23:29

Nimbostratus100 · 14/04/2023 23:14

but whether these people are paid, or unpaid, you are relying on people choosing to do something basically altruistic. This isn't a career, or even a proper job. It is something people choose to give up their time too, and there are not enough people to do it

Show quote history

If they are being paid then it is a "proper job" and they should act accordingly. I'm astounded that you seem to think that just because something isn't a "proper job" in your eyes means that people can get away with anything. What an attitude!! Even people who aren't being paid should still be doing a decent job - or why bother to volunteer in the first place?

Nimbostratus100 · 14/04/2023 23:37

Aslanplustwo · 14/04/2023 23:29

If they are being paid then it is a "proper job" and they should act accordingly. I'm astounded that you seem to think that just because something isn't a "proper job" in your eyes means that people can get away with anything. What an attitude!! Even people who aren't being paid should still be doing a decent job - or why bother to volunteer in the first place?

Show quote history

but what I am trying to point out is the reason there is not a placement for everybody who wants one, is that there is no one to provide these placements.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/04/2023 23:38

very few people are willing and available to set up this sort of thing, no one is obliged to, and it is not something anyone is doing for profit, job security, or career reasons