To be annoyed that private school parents are demonised?

[Imsorryyoufeelthatway]

Starting this threat to vent and as an antidote to the Closing all private schools would benefit state schools thread. In short, I'm a bit fed up with private school parents being bashed for buying a better education for their children, while parents who 'don't believe in private education' and spend a fortune on homes/second homes/rental properties in catchment areas for 'good' state schools then another fortune on tutors seem to get off scot free.

I'm also fed up with private school parents all being lumped in the same category. We're not all selfish, mega-wealthy, Bullingdon Club (or female equivalent, if there was one...) alumni; many of us are ordinary people (I'm a working class lass from a council estate whose parents worked as cleaners and in warehouses) who've worked bloody hard to be able to afford a better start in life for our children than we had. We were the first people in our families to go to university (on full grants, when they existed), the first to have careers not just jobs, and the first to own our own homes. No-one has ever handed us a penny – my DH got the train to university with £4.50 in his pocket and had to get a job straight away to buy food. No bank account, no trust fund, no-one paying his rent. We've managed to achieve social mobility against the odds, yet we're not allowed to celebrate this because we've chosen to invest in our children's future rather than over-priced property in 'good' state school catchment areas.

Yes, we all know that private schools are a major cause of inequality. Parents like us have literally lived and breathed that inequality our whole lives and we'd do anything to prevent our children having to do the same. We think that all children should have access to high quality education in safe, inspirational environments where they can achieve their potential, not just ours. But most state schools in the UK just cannot meet this requirement. We also know that if catchment areas for state schools were mixed-up, and the schools in deprived areas had an influx of children from more affluent areas and vice versa, then this would likely make things more equal over time. But our children are not part of a social experiment. In short, if those of us who had difficult starts in life and went to terrible schools choose to work our arses off so our children don't have to, can't we be given some credit?

So please, the next time you're tempted to lump a private school parents into the same category and give them a bashing, take a moment to consider their reasons and background. Rant over.

Exactly, while the people who run the country opt out of state for their kids, it will never be top of anyone's priority list.

But the government are responsible for how they spend all the money we give them and they are happy doing HS2/ PPE type contracts to
line their own pockets. There won’t be any extra money spent on state schools either way.

I'm sending my child private in Y7 because I've spent 5 yrs as a governor agonising over budgets and seeing the state system get into a worse and worse state. It's self defence - I don't want my kid to have their life dictated by the agenda of a government who has made a mess so big it's basically unfixable at this point. Realistically the kids who are going into secondary in the next 3/4/5 yrs are going to bear the brunt of it - I'll sacrifice everything for that not to be my kid. I don't care how anyone judges me (and they do - I've had so many comments!). I'm just an ordinary person who wants the best for their child.

Unfortunately they won't get that unless more is spent on their education.

Schools are only as good as their intake.

If you have the money why shouldn’t you buy a better eduction? Or a second home or a third car or whatever it is your want?

Your money, your choice. You shouldn’t have to hold back just because others can’t afford the same.

That's utter nonsense. Schools are as good as their staff/governors etc etc

I don’t think that’s true at all. With private education, you don’t just seek a quality education, you buy cachet and status.

Some people do. Plenty of others are just buying a quality education because the state sector simply isn’t providing and education or an educational environment that works for their child. Not all private schools come with cachet and status because they aren’t selective and they aren’t particularly academic.

Stop ignoring the people that are saying their child wasn’t catered for in the state system.

You've really just reinforced lots of stereotypes here. Lots of people work really bloody hard and want to do what's best for their children, but most still wouldn't have the resources to send their children to private school. You don't necessarily work any harder than them, some industries pay more than others. People who send kids to private school don't care more.

I have three degrees, including a doctorate, and slogged so hard to get a permanent job in a competitive field and still could never afford private school for my kids. I attended a state school and my mum once apologised to me for not being able to send me to private school, which broke my heart. Truth is, I didn't need to go. I've done just as well as anybody with an education whose parents bought it for them. I got full academic scholarships for my MA and PhD.

It is an ideological position, but even if I had the means I wouldn't send my kids. I hate the lesson it instills in children that money can buy you a better start in life. We need to work against this, its an awful message. Also, teaching university students, I can see that the quality of private education is actually not much better. When it comes to independent learning, they just aren't used to it. What they have instead is the right social connections and cultural cues to get them further in life.

Each to their own, but don't for one second think you work harder or care more because you send your kids to private school. That would truly show how privileged and out-of-touch you are.

Don't blame the players, blame the game. The state education system is broken, fixing it will help address inequality. Until that happens, play the game as best you can.

Yes, ban families from having the luxury of a SAHP because those kids will get more input at home. Ban anyone from getting a kid a tutor for a subject they struggle in. Ban every parent from reading bedtime stories because it could make some kids love reading and what about the kids that don’t have a parent that’ll bother.

ban everything while we’re at it

Should I not take my children on holiday because some families can't afford it? Should I not get music lessons for my children? Or buy them book? Etc. Etc. I will do the best I can for my children within my means and I expect everyone else to too. I don't give a shiny shit what people think of my kids going to a private school. Honestly I think all the anger is just jealously. I never went to a private school and I just got on with it, I wasn't spitting feathers because other people had more than me on life. Life isn't fair.

People are angry at the schools, not the parents . Private schools get away with providing little or no benefits to their community whilst also being given tax cuts, because of their charity status. They need to give back but refuse to. This angers people, and rightly so.

You say no one has handed you a penny yet you went to uni on a full grant and now use your income to pay for private education.. I’m afraid whilst I don’t agree with getting rid of private schools, I also don’t have much sympathy and don’t feel, all elements considered, that private schools benefit society.

I'm a bit fed up with private school parents being bashed for buying a better education for their children

Er, says who exactly? Education is what you make of it, regardless of whether you go to a private or a state school. All you are buying through private education is smaller class sizes and more 1-2-1 time with the teachers. And if private is better, as you claim, why is it that state educated kids are more likely to get a First Class degree at university? Maybe because they were taught how to actually think, where as the privately educated had parents who paid the teachers to do their work for them…

I'm a working class lass from a council estate whose parents worked as cleaners and in warehouses

Argh, so what you’re saying is, I don’t want my kids to go to school with the type of kids I grew up with/ the children of the people I grew up with. Christ on a bike, have a word with yourself. There’s a lot of unaddressed internalised snobbery here. Where did that come from?

We think that all children should have access to high quality education in safe, inspirational environments where they can achieve their potential, not just ours. But most state schools in the UK just cannot meet this requirement.

That last sentence is complete bollocks. My dad worked all his life in inner city state schools in London as a history teacher (now retired) - he knows that it’s “selection by the back door” and chronic underfunding (hello 13 years of Tory incompetence) that inhibits educational attainment. And Private Schools are part of the problem, along with their “charitable status”, which is quite frankly a scandal.

Sorry to be harsh but your entire post belies the fact that you have no idea what you’re taking about. Good luck to your kids though, I’m sure the very expensive inferiority complex you’re forking out for them will set them up for life nicely….

Op

i agree

we all want equality but who wants to let their kid be part of a social experiment

you are a prime example of social mobility and to be frank, most people would pay a bit more to get a bit more if they could - and I suspect that includes private schools depending on private

that said - op - YABU because I don’t think you should be as upset about others comments as you are. The most important lesson in life is resilience and strength - there’s no point in being over sensitive which you are being

Exactly. It’s ridiculous isn’t it.

The incredible difference is that university entry is based on academic merit, not the wealth of your parents! You could get into university with unemployed parents, but unemployed parents can't send you to private school! It's like comparing apples and oranges. University finance, which is still problematic, seeks to level the playing field and is in no way equivalent to the tiny number of scholarships offered by private schools.

Another point, just because we can't completely eradicate inequality doesn't mean we shouldn't start chipping away at it. If that was the mentality, nothing would have ever progressed!

*depending on priorities

My friends boy is in a specialist private school. Day boy 26k per annum paid for by the local education authority. He's doing so well. 50% are SEN the rest no issues. The sports, outward bound experiences have helped him so much.

So do we demonise the 50% who have no issues, while being glad that the 50% SEN children are thriving??

I don’t really think one way or another about parents who send their kids to private school. Not something I would ever be able to afford but I’m sure my kids will get in okay. However, @Imsorryyoufeelthatway you clearly care a lot and feel that it is unfair, otherwise you wouldn’t be here justifying yourself with such a long post.

If you think there is nothing wrong with it then fine go ahead and do it but don’t expect other posters to agree with you. In your own words, it’s a major cause of inequality. I’m not sure that it makes it any more that you and husband have come from poor backgrounds.

Yes the local school kids will really benefit when their use of the swimming pool and playing fields is gone. The independent school can recoup costs by charging for it instead of giving it for free like they do now, and have done for years.

Yes the anger is jealousy.

Im envious my neighbour is in the Maldives, I’m not angry they can afford this but I can’t. The anger is deeply unpleasant and ill founded.

Completely agree. This private school parent bashing is pure nonsense. It’s bourne out of envy but it’s not even something they might want- their kid may have no SEN and wouldn’t do any differently in a smaller setting with appropriate learning support. Lucky them to not have such
No one thinks I won’t get a tutor session for my kid who struggles in X subject because somewhere there’s a kid who also struggles but the parents won’t get him help. No one thinks I should read my kid stories because some kids are ignored by drug abusing parents!

funny how there aren’t many threads started by people whingeing about getting a bit of support for Timmy struggling with maths, compared to the amount on here from parents that privately educate.
Outside of the ethics and reinforcing inequality, which I’m not going to change in my lifetime. I really couldn’t care less, so shut up and get on with it. It’s a bit like moaning about how tight your diamond slippers are.

This in a nutshell

Some people have huge houses, expensive cars, amazing holidays

others have small houses, old runaround’s, staycations but choose to educate privately because that’s where their priority lies

some people can afford it all - and good for them unless you believe in having a communist society?!

people will always pay for value add - whether that is the larger house, private school, expensive bag

why demonise that

This.

You know private education further entrenches inequality but you're doing it anyway. No-one's obligated to make you feel better about it...

pippabag
You've really just reinforced lots of stereotypes here. Lots of people work really bloody hard and want to do what's best for their children, but most still wouldn't have the resources to send their children to private school. You don't necessarily work any harder than them, some industries pay more than others. People who send kids to private school don't care more.

yes this ^.