To be annoyed that private school parents are demonised?

[Imsorryyoufeelthatway]

Starting this threat to vent and as an antidote to the Closing all private schools would benefit state schools thread. In short, I'm a bit fed up with private school parents being bashed for buying a better education for their children, while parents who 'don't believe in private education' and spend a fortune on homes/second homes/rental properties in catchment areas for 'good' state schools then another fortune on tutors seem to get off scot free.

I'm also fed up with private school parents all being lumped in the same category. We're not all selfish, mega-wealthy, Bullingdon Club (or female equivalent, if there was one...) alumni; many of us are ordinary people (I'm a working class lass from a council estate whose parents worked as cleaners and in warehouses) who've worked bloody hard to be able to afford a better start in life for our children than we had. We were the first people in our families to go to university (on full grants, when they existed), the first to have careers not just jobs, and the first to own our own homes. No-one has ever handed us a penny – my DH got the train to university with £4.50 in his pocket and had to get a job straight away to buy food. No bank account, no trust fund, no-one paying his rent. We've managed to achieve social mobility against the odds, yet we're not allowed to celebrate this because we've chosen to invest in our children's future rather than over-priced property in 'good' state school catchment areas.

Yes, we all know that private schools are a major cause of inequality. Parents like us have literally lived and breathed that inequality our whole lives and we'd do anything to prevent our children having to do the same. We think that all children should have access to high quality education in safe, inspirational environments where they can achieve their potential, not just ours. But most state schools in the UK just cannot meet this requirement. We also know that if catchment areas for state schools were mixed-up, and the schools in deprived areas had an influx of children from more affluent areas and vice versa, then this would likely make things more equal over time. But our children are not part of a social experiment. In short, if those of us who had difficult starts in life and went to terrible schools choose to work our arses off so our children don't have to, can't we be given some credit?

So please, the next time you're tempted to lump a private school parents into the same category and give them a bashing, take a moment to consider their reasons and background. Rant over.

I hope that they do.

All these histrionics!

I can promise you the vast majority of privately educated kids end up doing well in exams, going to a good university, staying in touch with old school friends and lead happy content lives with the same life worries that others do. Perhaps not as many financial worries. Of course this is the same for a lot of state school kids.

There are always people that will blame a part of society for something they can’t have. ( obviously some will chose not to have it ).
My situation is exactly the same as yours. My dh and I are first generation university graduates and professionals having come from very working class Irish immigrants and we also benefited from free University. We also sent our 3 to private schools.
We lost friends over the decision whilst they paid for private one to one tuition for their dcs ( some before they were 3yrs old ) to go to grammar and continued after to get into Uni.

If state schools were on a par with private in terms of all the add ons available, class sizes etc then I don’t believe their would be such discrimination against those who chose to pay.
We rarely read about people who chose private health care and jump the queue the way we here about the inequalities in education.

The system needs to be fairer but not by taking away our democratic right to chose how we spend our money.

We, like many who have paid for their children's schooling, did not have all the mod cons, clothes, meals out and holidays that others had who chose the state sector. We didn’t have as much disposable income.
That was our democratic right to chose.

It isn’t right that parents have to put up with such discrimination and indeed that their children may have to in certain situations as well but may I suggest OP that you move away from the news articles and the people you may come into contact with who judge. We, after all, don’t criticise their democratic right to spend their money the way they chose.

Of course, most people are gonna take advantage of the system to give an advantage to their children. I personally don’t judge anyone for that. I do objectively see that the system should be changed though. I don’t think you get a special exemption for your circumstance due to the fact that you’ve risen to a higher social class whether that’s through hard work, good fortune or a mixture of the two.
You sound judgmental of people who haven’t worked their way up. You must understand that, not all people have the same circumstances. Some people are not academic, have caring responsibilities, have mental health issues, have not been able to access eduction due to problems at home etc etc.

My DS’s went to a very famous boys full boarding school. Most people have no idea about how much they had their, the endless opportunities, the facilities the teachers were all qualified and mainly excellent and as there was 1:7 ratio teachers to pupils so the teachers have time and energy to give a lot to the boys. I am aware that my DS’s had opportunities that their peers in the state sector could only dream of and it did make me feel uncomfortable but I would’ve have changed their education for the world. Not because of exam results one DS in particular would have achieved the same excellent results in the state sector or because of any old boys net work which neither have utilised but because they received a fantastic renaissance education that now they are grown up they personally benefit from.

Then let me open your eyes to another reason.

We moved our youngest in Yr 9 because the state school she was at was rapidly losing teachers and failing to address terrible bullying that made her so ill we had to remove her for her own mental and physical safety.

Her older siblings went to that state school and both came out with excellent GCSE's but we decided to go private for our youngest as a last ditch attempt to help our daughter recover. It is working and we are grateful for the fact we can afford to pay. We are making huge sacrifices to send her there but ultimately it is worth it to see her regain confidence, be taught well and continue recovering from an eating disorder.

People who send their children to a private school are as diverse as those who don't. The only thing they have in common is that they have the money available.

No one should be judged for trying to do the best for their children.

Except it’s not simply about choice. There is inequality baked into society.

There is a huge disadvantage gap by the time children are 3. Huge, particularly in terms of language. That gets wider and wider unless it is directly addressed - even then, it’s hard to close.

An education system that condones financial privilege as being the key to educational advantage is not ethical - and it directly contributes to the disadvantage gap.

My main problem with it on here is when people start whinging about how hard done by they are for putting their kid through private education, and it’s always invariably backed up with statements about coming from poor background and working really hard, implying that those having to ‘suffer’ and ordinary state school education, could have it too if only they’d worked a bit harder, that’s what’s offensive op.

there is this notion, that if "the filthy rich" had to use the state schools, somehow their quality would improve.

I live in and area of london where maybe 50% of kids go privare at secondary. If these schools close then there would be an educational emergency.

My DS are state, i am happy for parents who go private so there's less competition for my DC!

Fwiw i could possibly afford private school but am very happy with our state provision so far.

I was with you until I read this

Yes, we all know that private schools are a major cause of inequality. Parents like us have literally lived and breathed that inequality our whole lives and we'd do anything to prevent our children having to do the same.

Talk about hypocrisy.

Agree.

A PP mentioned going without holidays, mod cones eating out. If you can forgo these for private education, then that’s privilege and not sacrifice.

*cons

I hope you achieve your wish as we did.

Our youngest was very shy and insular before going to private school and that place really brought them out of themselves. Both my kids are really happy with their school and appreciate the sacrifices that we've made to get them there (most of the time anyway!) and also how lucky we were to be offered a scholarship.

I have to admit that its not something I ever considered, but my partner applied as our kids were top of their school years and we unexpectedly got one. Its been hard as the scholarship was means tested and hasn't left us much at all after essentials. For me personally, my life would have been better without the scholarship offer as I'm broke, but for my kids, they are much happier than they were in their old school.

We won't get huge investment in the state sector whilst so many people opt out and pay for what they want for their own children. I would think it quite likely that many people who pay for private education have little appetite for paying more taxes to fund better state schools. This is why people get irritated with people who pay privately and then say oh well I had to as my child has thrived in a smaller class. Many kids thrive in smaller classes with more input from the teacher. They also thrive with school trips and visits. They thrive working in quiet, well ordered environments. Unfortunately they won't get that unless more is spent on their education.

I don’t think that’s true at all. With private education, you don’t just seek a quality education, you buy cachet and status.

Cars are a lot better than they were thirty years ago but some people still buy Ferraris

Agree! 👏 👏

OP your post is total hyperbole. No one is bashing any parents by saying that private schools should not be charities unless they are doing significant charity work.

Some continental models (e.g. France) also invest in early years. Everybody wants to get their kids into nursery (whether they work or not) and being a nursery worker/teacher is a sought after job. Even being a chef at a French nursery is high status because teaching kids to eat a varied diet is an important part of early years education! We're way behind in the UK.

Completely agree. This private school parent bashing is pure nonsense. It’s bourne out of envy but it’s not even something they might want- their kid may have no SEN and wouldn’t do any differently in a smaller setting with appropriate learning support. Lucky them to not have such needs.

No one thinks I won’t get a tutor session for my kid who struggles in X subject because somewhere there’s a kid who also struggles but the parents won’t get him help. No one thinks I should read my kid stories because some kids are ignored by drug abusing parents!

What nonsense it is.
20% of UK kids attend private at some point. It’s not uncommon

Imagine if all the private school kids went to state school - we'd be in a right mess! Not enough schools, larger classes etc etc.

Btw my kids go to state school & I have taught in both state and private schools - there are definitely advantages and disadvantages to both.

@KLFisgonnarockyou spot on. "The entire state sector is rubbish" is such a lame argument. It isn't. As I said earlier in the thread, most (not all) state schools are good.

To be honest, I don't care what other people think.

As a parent, my job is to do the very best I can for my child. I won't apologise for that. As a single mum from a free school meals background, I've not come from a situation of privilege and how I choose to spend my money and organise my life is my business.

If others have a problem with that, it is their problem.

20% of UK kids attend private at some point. It’s not uncommon

Private schooling?? That can't be right.

It’s bourne out of envy

It really isn’t.