To be annoyed that private school parents are demonised?

[Imsorryyoufeelthatway]

Starting this threat to vent and as an antidote to the Closing all private schools would benefit state schools thread. In short, I'm a bit fed up with private school parents being bashed for buying a better education for their children, while parents who 'don't believe in private education' and spend a fortune on homes/second homes/rental properties in catchment areas for 'good' state schools then another fortune on tutors seem to get off scot free.

I'm also fed up with private school parents all being lumped in the same category. We're not all selfish, mega-wealthy, Bullingdon Club (or female equivalent, if there was one...) alumni; many of us are ordinary people (I'm a working class lass from a council estate whose parents worked as cleaners and in warehouses) who've worked bloody hard to be able to afford a better start in life for our children than we had. We were the first people in our families to go to university (on full grants, when they existed), the first to have careers not just jobs, and the first to own our own homes. No-one has ever handed us a penny – my DH got the train to university with £4.50 in his pocket and had to get a job straight away to buy food. No bank account, no trust fund, no-one paying his rent. We've managed to achieve social mobility against the odds, yet we're not allowed to celebrate this because we've chosen to invest in our children's future rather than over-priced property in 'good' state school catchment areas.

Yes, we all know that private schools are a major cause of inequality. Parents like us have literally lived and breathed that inequality our whole lives and we'd do anything to prevent our children having to do the same. We think that all children should have access to high quality education in safe, inspirational environments where they can achieve their potential, not just ours. But most state schools in the UK just cannot meet this requirement. We also know that if catchment areas for state schools were mixed-up, and the schools in deprived areas had an influx of children from more affluent areas and vice versa, then this would likely make things more equal over time. But our children are not part of a social experiment. In short, if those of us who had difficult starts in life and went to terrible schools choose to work our arses off so our children don't have to, can't we be given some credit?

So please, the next time you're tempted to lump a private school parents into the same category and give them a bashing, take a moment to consider their reasons and background. Rant over.

I think it is more ethical to pay to send your kids to private school than to go to church to enable them to go to a faith school.

The bottom line is that there is societal demand for exclusive schools. Some do by wealth, others by faith, or academic/artistic potential. Not everybody wants equality at the expense of own child's welfare and "one size fits all" doesn't really work.

Haha!

But what about all the SEN children who's parents can't afford private? Private can't be the answer to SEN because most people can't afford it.

The Home ed community is full of children that can't cope in mainstream. There needs to be more options for all families.

Talking about this thread with DP - and come to the realisation that the reason we probably never considered private wasn’t actually that we disagree morally as much as turns out we both think that kids in private school aren’t as bright, and THATs why the parents feel they need another leg up.
On top of all other privileges their kids have already through money, nice house, nice area, money for sports etc

the more I think about it the more I realise that IS what I assume about most private school children - SeN excluded obvs.

I think it’s easier when you don’t care. My DC are both privately educated, my money, my choice. I make no apologies and I owe nobody an explanation for my choices.

You keep telling yourself that.

But what about all the SEN children who's parents can't afford private? Private can't be the answer to SEN because most people can't afford it.

wahatboutery doesn't help anyone. How would particular children suffering in a shitty school help those families who can't afford stuff?

But what about all the SEN children who's parents can't afford private? Private can't be the answer to SEN because most people can't afford it

But given that resources for SEN are severely limited, isn't there some benefit to "everyone else" for each fewer pupils with additional SEN needs who stops competing for those limited resources and opts out to buy what they need privately? If in a state school class there are 6 kids with SEN and only enough SEN resources to meet half that need, all the kids are massively let down. If 2 of the kids escape into the private sector then the same resources only have to be shared between 4 - still not quite good enough but better than otherwise.

What a nonsensical contradictory post 😂

Given the number of hoops jumped through, and the competitive exams and interviews undergone by pupils at top private (and grammar schools), I don’t think lack of intelligence is a factor for successfully private schools applicants.

Some are artificially ‘hothoused’ yes, but from my experience the truly bright ones aged seven/eleven are still excelling many years later.

*successful

I'd send my kids if I could afford to comfortably and I think most people would but don't admit it. It's easy to judge when it's not an option for you. Don't worry about it OP, I think it's probably jealousy.

That's not what I was saying.

But there's often an argument for private by saying well, my child has SEN so what was I supposed to do? I had no choice.

But the fact is this isn't a choice for most SEN children.

And many of these children aren't in school atall and their parents have to educate them as they simply can't cope in a mainstream school. And of course this often has a knock on effect on the families income/job progression etc.

worked bloody hard to be able to afford a better start in life for our children than we had.

This to me screams that you think your children deserve a better education than those attending state school,
You don't believe in equality.

You’re wrong.
There are lots of people on this thread who have absolutely genuine ideological objections to the independent and selective systems.

Unsure why you disbelieve this.

Boohoo lol

Couldn't care less what anyone thinks about how I spend my money. We have a few educational options made available by the government, we chose state first, didn't like it, and switched to private. Investing in private education for my dc has been the best thing for our family.

Exactly - the op falsely calls out inequality whilst doing everything she can to benefit from the unequal state of affairs. Also, the thinly veiled humble bragging - they aren’t just cringe. They’re pushing the false narrative that if someone has talent they will always overcome socioeconomic factors and institutional racism. Op - if you wanna brag about your lifestyle, do it in an upfront way on Facebook and Instagram instead of this covert bs

Can you blame parents who can afford it to go private in this situation though?
The anger should be against state schools / the government, not private schools.

southlondoner02

totally agree - think a lot of posters embellish on here, they certainly don’t reflect the stagnating economy and cost of living crisis aka real life 😂

This is an important point. Social inequality is actually widening in the UK and I think it would be harder for a young person of this generation to make the same kind of progress.

It's my opinion. Maybe there are a few people who care about social inequality when it comes to their own children's education but I don't and I doubt many are.

Honestly, is this really an issue in real life or only on MN? Only asking because all 3 of my best friends and all 3 of DH's best friends have DCs who have at some stage been privately educated. We could never have remotely afforded it ourselves and yet, remarkably it seems to some on MN, they remain our best friends. Not only that, but we even have perfectly civilised conversation with those DCs (who include nieces, nephews and godchildren) about what they are doing at school and what they enjoy, just as our friends do with our state-educated DCs. I am neither jealous of them, nor annoyed at them, why would I be?

Some of the wording in OP's original post is a bit confrontational and the implication that we could have afforded private schooling if only we had worked a bit harder is deeply offensive.
But as she hasn't been back after 18 pages, I am now thinking she is either a journalist or a troll seeking to start a goady thread just to get us arguing amongst ourselves.

Lovely warm coffee - the gifted ones can do well in the state system, if they are indeed gifted

“Buying a better education” don’t you get how fucking horrible that sounds?
Like not all children deserve equal education? You’re everything that’s wrong in this society.