Husband says he's 'very unsatisfied' with sex life

[ivfregret]

He says I don't make an effort. He feels like he has to persuade me for sex.

And example...

I asked him for a massage then we can have sex and used a timer purely because otherwise he will massage for 30 seconds then say he wants to have sex and I need warming up more.

He says our sex life very vanilla and feels functional as opposed to sexual and he feels like my housemate instead of DH.

Please don't want to hear LTB this is a genuine issue and I'd rather try and fix than walk away from my marriage.

Any suggestion please or been through similar anyone?

Sorry OP, this sounds like a hard and sad situation for you both. And hard to overcome habits once the've formed. My friend sent me an article recently about foreplay, and building the excitement hours/days before the big event, just by little things like texts, a flirty touch on the arm..I'm very shy and not a natural flirt but I did feel these were all things that would be helpful, not just for me but my partner too
https://thesexguides.substack.com/p/foreplay-starts-on-the-phone

That seems like a very difficult situation. The good news is that you are talking about it, and do see it as a problem to be addressed. If it is not dealt with, then as with anything in a relationship, it will gradually get worse and worse...until?

You said: He says I don't make an effort.

@ivfregret Do you think that is TRUE? Looking objectively, can you honestly say that you do make an effort? If your answer is YES, then there is something really wrong with how he is looking at things. He really needs to open his eyes and fully acknowledge that.

Of course, if you think you don't make an effort, that's a different situation. In general I'm proactive in our relationship, sensitive to DH, like to be supportive, thoughtful, etc. It's awful to be in a relationship where a partner has sex grudgingly (I know, I've been there!).

Does your husband make any effort to be tactile and loving around the times, he's not just after sex? Women need more than the sex act. Most women need to feel an emotional connection. I found Jimmy very interesting to watch.