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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner shoved DD this morning

128 replies

Hairymaery · 11/04/2023 20:09

My 18 m/o DD and I always sleep in bed together as she's a bad sleeper, my partner sleeps in his own bed.

Were on holiday with family at the moment in a big house so are sleeping altogether in the same room.

This morning my partner woke up in a bad mood as he'd had an awful nights sleep (as had I as I had to keep settling our dd back to sleep).

She wakes up and is all 'Dada dada' as she's excited to see him. All he says is 'Yes I've had an awful nights sleep because of you'. A few minutes later she's trying to interact with him, he tried to hug her but shes very clingy with me so moans about it. At this point he shoves her and says in a nasty tone 'go away then' or something of that jist.

He has a history of nastily shoving me in the past, before she was born. This has shocked me as I never thought he could show this kind of behaviour towards our daughter. She is my world and I just can't look at him, thinking he could be like that with her.

Am I being unreasonable? Is this him just grumpy dad behaviour or would you say this is unkind and out of order to be like this towards a child?

OP posts:
ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:29

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

CalistoNoSolo · 11/04/2023 20:30

He pushes you around and now he's pushing your daughter around. No idea why you had a baby with him or why you're with him now, no doubt you'll minimise and tell us all he's a really good dad most of the time. What you should do is dump his arse before he injures or kills your child. He shouldn't be anywhere near either of you.

CalistoNoSolo · 11/04/2023 20:30

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:29

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

No.

Over40Overdating · 11/04/2023 20:30

@alexdgr8 this is a new low, even for the handmaidens of Mumsnet.

Yes, an 18month old baby had it coming for hurting the feelings of a poor innocent little man.

People like you are as bad as the abusers your defend. If you had any decency you’d be ashamed of yourself.

Kanaloa · 11/04/2023 20:31

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:29

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

Kindly, no. I mean my parents did things ‘they shouldn’t’ when I was growing up, but I lived in an abusive household. Normal parents don’t shove toddlers nastily because the toddler disturbed their sleep.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 11/04/2023 20:31

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:29

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

Like the parents on the news that end up killing their children?

I have never shoved any of my dc.

Fairislefandango · 11/04/2023 20:31

He was abusive before you had your daughter. Why did you stay with him and have a baby with him? A man who shoves women is not an acceptable partner or father.

GiltEdges · 11/04/2023 20:31

What possessed you to have a child with this man when he'd already displayed abusive behaviour to you?

Be prepared to leave now, or be forever complicit in his abuse of your poor DC. It will only escalate from here.

MoleAnxiety · 11/04/2023 20:31

@Over40Overdating exactly. 100% agree.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2023 20:32

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:29

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

Oh yes.

But we haven't all been in a situation where a violently abusive man who has shoved his partner, starts on his small child.

Those are two wildly different things. Only one has the potential to be fatal.

Melbourne12 · 11/04/2023 20:32

I have a 16 month old and if anyone laid a hand on them like this, I’d rip their fucking head off.

Don’t downplay this, OP. A poor night of sleep is no excuse for what he did. It’s your job to protect that baby.

Tactica · 11/04/2023 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What the actual fuck?

Did you read the OP AT ALL?

I cannot believe what I read here sometimes.

jannier · 11/04/2023 20:34

PaigeMatthews · 11/04/2023 20:21

He has a history of nastily shoving me in the past, before she was born. This has shocked me as I never thought he could show this kind of behaviour towards our daughter
this makes absolutely no sense at all. He likes shoving women around. He shoved you around. Now he is shoving his daughter. A baby. How is that a leap in your mind? He is disgusting. He cannot be trusted not to hurt his own child.

Yep it's the normal pattern

jannier · 11/04/2023 20:34

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:29

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

With a parent who previously pushed their partner nastily on several occasions......nope

HerRoyalStressHead · 11/04/2023 20:35

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

No
Never.
Not once.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 11/04/2023 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think it's more unhealthy to stay with someone who shoves women and babies.

Excusing abuse is disgusting.

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 11/04/2023 20:36

He is disgusting, but in reality if you split he will get access and that's something to consider. I'm not saying he's in anyway excusable, but the braying to leave means he will have your DD on his own at times.

there was a thread on here this weekend which showed just how screwed up the court system is in that respect.

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:37

Sorry, I now realise that I said something in the middle of a Mumsnet pile on. Carry on.

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 11/04/2023 20:37

Suggesting not braying!

Abraxan · 11/04/2023 20:38

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:29

I'm not trying to explain or excuse anything, but haven't we all been in situations as a kid when our parents lost their rag and did something they shouldn't?

No. I was never pushed or shoved, or hit, as a child despite being 50 now.

Dd is 21 and has never been pushed, shoved or hit. She wasn't a great sleeper when small and yes, it can be hard work being tired. However it's never an excuse to physically or verbally abuse your child.

It isn't normal to shove small children, or your partner either.

custardbear · 11/04/2023 20:38

Completely unacceptable, both you and your DD. I'd throw his arse out the door!

PissTakeSubstitution · 11/04/2023 20:38

CalistoNoSolo · 11/04/2023 20:30

He pushes you around and now he's pushing your daughter around. No idea why you had a baby with him or why you're with him now, no doubt you'll minimise and tell us all he's a really good dad most of the time. What you should do is dump his arse before he injures or kills your child. He shouldn't be anywhere near either of you.

This.

Suzi888 · 11/04/2023 20:39

“He has a history of nastily shoving me in the past, before she was born. “

So you decided to have a baby with him?

“Is this his actual DD?” What difference does it make? Is it ok to shove other 18mths olds then?

Set the bar higher. I would rather be alone than with a child abuser.

nomoredriving · 11/04/2023 20:40

He's a cunt!

She's just a baby!

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2023 20:40

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 20:37

Sorry, I now realise that I said something in the middle of a Mumsnet pile on. Carry on.

I agreed that parents sometimes lose their shit. I have. I haven't entirely and completely maintained my Zen-mummy-saint composure. I have said, "I need 5 sodding minutes" and locked myself in the loo.

But the line is still there. I've never laid a hand on DD and never would. Neither would DH. Not once, ever.

This man has nastily shoved both mother and child. That line should never be crossed.

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