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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect to pay excessive amount as we're family.

601 replies

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 14:15

In laws brought themselves a caravan on a haven site a year ago. Decided to spend some pension money on it.
the site fees have renewed and have gone up just like everything else in life.
They don't rent it out and we only use it as family.
Anyway father in law has just charged his own son £75 for 3 nights to use it. He owed me money for ordering him a new tablet and doing him a favour so took the money out of that which I couldn't afford to lose.

Before the season started he mentioned charging £25 a day but nothing else happened and no mention of it again before we went.

He's also charged brother in law £150 to use but they paid upfront.

Am i being unreasonable to feel this is a lot to charge your own children and £10 or so a day would be sufficient. I'm not convinced I spend £25 a day heating and lighting my 3 bed home. They get their passes included with the caravan for 10 people.

Husband won't challenge it because it won't make any difference.

OP posts:
jannier · 11/04/2023 15:29

Miajk · 11/04/2023 14:32

They'd be paying it anyway so what's the difference to them?

They're not covering costs their just trying to profit. People on here are weird. Why would you charge your relative 25 a night just to make money off them!

Show quote history

You don't pay electric and gas if nobody is using it. Haven have always charged way over the going rate for both so as things stand with costs at the moment a lot of that will go on those things. As well as wear and tear of kids spillages jumping etc that reduce the resale value which is already bad as Haven don't give you much.

BadNomad · 11/04/2023 15:30

You were expecting them to cover the cost of you staying there. How is that respectful?

SweetPetrichor · 11/04/2023 15:30

£25 per night is a very low nominal payment. YABU to think that’s steep!

Albiboba · 11/04/2023 15:30

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 15:24

Only in passing as a bit of a joke. No mention closer to the time

Before the season started he mentioned charging £25 a day but nothing else happened and no mention of it again before we went.

What part about this sounds like a joke?
Plus BIL clearly took it seriously and paid for his stay.
You you have no leg to stand on claiming “it’s not really fair”. £75 for a 3 night holiday for a family of 4 is incredibly cheap.

In future if you want to pay 5x more and stay somewhere else then feel free.

Generally I find when family charge a nominal fee it’s to cover basic energy costs but also stop people from taking the piss and hogging it from the owners or other family members. You sound quite entitled.

OhmygodDont · 11/04/2023 15:30

He wasn’t joking when he said it in passing probably new there would be a bad reaction from you if he sounded too stern about it.

Sounds like his got you and his son pegged as grabby cheeky fuckers.

His other son happily pays up in advance too rather than taking advantage.

It’s fine don’t go again. I’m sure he won’t miss you staying there 😂

viques · 11/04/2023 15:30

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 15:23

I do appreciate we are lucky to have the opportunity, however, they chose to purchase one and there wasn't ever a mention of paying except in a joking passing comment.
Not really fair after the event either

Sorry @Boop1e , but I think the consensus of opinion is against you on this one. But congratulations for sticking to your guns in the field of fire!

Mari9999 · 11/04/2023 15:30

OP, assuming your older children were aware of the types of entertainment available at that location, it seems that they made an informed choice.

Given that your in-laws didn't compel you to ask for the use of their facility, it seems that you are being a fair bit petty.

Did you contribute to the purchase of the caravan? If not, you are being a bit presumptuous in thinking of it as a family property.

If I were you, I would not go back and instead would find those "better bargain.". Better to give your money to a stranger than to pay a modest price to support a family owned enterprise.

YABVU

Facem81 · 11/04/2023 15:30

Rather depends on how much he could charge of to public? Ie of height of season and “losing” many hundreds, then puts a different slant on the issue

userxx · 11/04/2023 15:31

But that's not the calculation. They aren't renting it at all, so its not say 300 discounted from 600. It's say 300 added on from ZERO. Nothing, is what they would get if the children didn't use it. So, its all profit.

What about the gas ? It's not all profit.

WhateverYouSayEh · 11/04/2023 15:31

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 15:23

I do appreciate we are lucky to have the opportunity, however, they chose to purchase one and there wasn't ever a mention of paying except in a joking passing comment.
Not really fair after the event either

From what I've seen on here, when someone thinks family are being a bit CF or taken advantage of they get told to drop a hint with a "tinkly" laugh.

Did he offer for family to use it for free off their own back it have his children just asked to use it?

Have you or other family never asked if he wants any cash or made s token gesture of offering before when you've asked to use it?

If it's a no and family asked to use without it being offered and also haven't ever even offered a token amount it sounds like that joking comment is him hoping you'll get the hint. If it was about him "profiting" he could rent it out or charged you all from the start.

Original poster
Boop1e · 11/04/2023 15:31

Fair point. Think my biggest beef is being asked after the event when he'd not definitely confirmed he'd charge.

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 11/04/2023 15:32

He didn’t need to confirm he told you. You didn’t take him seriously.

Theluggage15 · 11/04/2023 15:33

Itakecreaminmycoffee · 11/04/2023 15:28

I think there are two types of people in life: those who are generous and would give you the clothes off their back and those who are tighter than a rats arse.

Unfortunately your IL’s fall into the latter category. Behaviour like this can be extremely puzzling if you’re the generous sort. We wouldn’t dream of charging our dcs or close family to stay in our holiday home - we partly bought it for that purpose.Maybe your IL’s are trying to put you all off going as they want to keep it for themselves?

Some people in life know the price of everything and the value of nothing I’m afraid!

It’s the OP that’s the tightarse.

Facem81 · 11/04/2023 15:33

They aren't short of cash

and yet you had to help him out to buy an iPad

RosesAndHellebores · 11/04/2023 15:33

I don't see the issue with the charge but we bought a holiday home in the early 00's. MIL told all her family and funnily enough they all wanted to stay. MIL didn't tell them we were also letting it during high season, ex ept for August when we were using it. No we didn't want to entertain DH's cousins in August thank you. It was strange how few wanted to come for the full commercial rent and how many thought they were entitled to a free or cheap holiday.

Our DC and their partners are very welcome to visit when we are there in August and to stay in the main house with us. If they or anyone else wants self contained accommodation in May, June, July, Aug, Sept they can pay the market rent. We do mates rates out of season and my mother and her husband have an option for the first two weeks of September.

Albiboba · 11/04/2023 15:33

Itakecreaminmycoffee · 11/04/2023 15:28

I think there are two types of people in life: those who are generous and would give you the clothes off their back and those who are tighter than a rats arse.

Unfortunately your IL’s fall into the latter category. Behaviour like this can be extremely puzzling if you’re the generous sort. We wouldn’t dream of charging our dcs or close family to stay in our holiday home - we partly bought it for that purpose.Maybe your IL’s are trying to put you all off going as they want to keep it for themselves?

Some people in life know the price of everything and the value of nothing I’m afraid!

OP is the one who thinks a reasonable fee for a family of FOUR is £10 per night. £10!
There’s one tight person in this scenario…
What is OP doing to be generous if she’s had plenty of free holidays and now begrudges covering her own costs?

Thesearmsofmine · 11/04/2023 15:33

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 15:31

Fair point. Think my biggest beef is being asked after the event when he'd not definitely confirmed he'd charge.

Surely it was pretty clear given that he had already told you and your BIL paid in advance. Surely you would have double checked the charge given he had already mentioned it. If reads like you were hoping he would just forget about it.

ShippingForecastMeditator · 11/04/2023 15:33

You took a chance OP by not clarifying the 'jokey' comment before you went. Wouldn't it have been better to check so you didn't end up in this situation? I realise conversation is going out of fashion but it has its uses, it really does.

RudsyFarmer · 11/04/2023 15:33

I think you’ve lost perspective here. £25 a day is a STEAL.

BadNomad · 11/04/2023 15:34

Fair point. Think my biggest beef is being asked after the event when he'd not definitely confirmed he'd charge.

I'm guessing that was more awkward for him than it was for you. He'd already told you he was planning on charging £25 a day, but then when you didn't put your hand in your pockets after your stay, he had to chase you for it. Did you not even think to offer something towards staying there??

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/04/2023 15:34

@Itakecreaminmycoffee

the only tight arse in this situation is op

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2023 15:34

there wasn't ever a mention of paying except in a joking passing comment

Before the season started he mentioned charging £25 a day

Make your mind up!

You've had a really cheap holiday and you're bitching about it? I would charge you full whack next time.

Hillary17 · 11/04/2023 15:34

YBU. £25 is a very good deal and seems like a great family rate. If you don’t like it, arrange your own holiday and don’t use their caravan.

PollyThePixie · 11/04/2023 15:35

OP, I suspect that over the year 25 per day amounts to what they’re paying for site fees and related expenses incurred with the caravan over the year. It’s a fair way of asking for a contribution they feel is necessary whilst not making money off their children and their families. Be gracious and accept the situation with good spirit. And if you can’t then go somewhere else for your breaks in future.

re the tablet - don’t order anything for your in-laws again without payment being made upfront. Not as a way of saying f you, just as a way of making sure you’re not left short changed for the item.

jannier · 11/04/2023 15:36

allmyliesaretrue · 11/04/2023 14:49

Yes, it's cheap - but can I just play devil's advocate here?

The fixed overheads will cost the ILs the same whether everyone uses the caravan or nobody does.

Show quote history

A bottle of gas is around £100 and you get around 19 hours of continuous use from it ....so if a family rock up for a weekend and wack the heating on for 8 hours a day how much is that going to cost?