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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your help in getting out of this at work today?

124 replies

Itagain · 11/04/2023 09:52

I think I'm autistic but not diagnosed, so work doesn't know. They want me to present a short 'show and tell' this morning at work about something interesting I've read/seen/done. We do this weekly and a different person gets picked each week. I really struggle with this kind of thing, I'm ok if it's work-related but not when it's personal. I feel really panicky and I can't explain it but I just can't do it.

My manager has emailed me asking me to do it in this morning's meeting. I haven't responded yet. Please does anyone have any suggestions for how to get out of it?

I'm in my notice period as I'm leaving because I realise that this is not the job for me

OP posts:
wellhi · 11/04/2023 09:55

If you're already leaving and working your notice, it's easy, don't stress about it.

"Thank you, but no, I'd rather not."

GabriellaMontez · 11/04/2023 09:56

"Hi, sorry I'd hoped to prepare it this weekend but I've not been well so I'm not able to do it"

But it doesn't have to be personal. Just tell them about a TV programme you watched at the weekend.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/04/2023 09:58

Someone posted this exact same thing last week (or pretty similar). When did show and tell at work become a thing? You're not at primary school!

OneFrenchEgg · 11/04/2023 09:59

GabriellaMontez · 11/04/2023 09:56

"Hi, sorry I'd hoped to prepare it this weekend but I've not been well so I'm not able to do it"

But it doesn't have to be personal. Just tell them about a TV programme you watched at the weekend.

She's only been asked today?
Op just say you don't have time to prep.

bondsy · 11/04/2023 10:01

Eurgh I hate things like this. I think to be fair most people dislike this kind of thing! But appreciate it may be extra hard for you op Flowers

If you don't do it today will they try and get you to do it tomorrow? If so as scary as it seems it may be better to rip the plaster off and just do it. The fear of thinking about doing something like this is often far more scary than actually doing it.

If not then perhaps say you need to come in late due to a dental/doctors appointment? Pull a sicky?

Ella6 · 11/04/2023 10:01

You got a lot of advice on your thread about it last week, it’s a ridiculous thing for them to ask you to do!

Agreeable · 11/04/2023 10:02

If you're on notice period just reply

'No thanks I'd rather not do this.'

Needmorelego · 11/04/2023 10:02

Urgh... I would have hated that at one point in my life and probably would have called in sick (now I have learned not to give a f what people think of me and would just go with the flow and not take it seriously - took me years to get like that though 😕).
Either... contact boss and say you aren't comfortable with this and you don't want to do it.
Or...well what did you do over the weekend? I did very little except lie around reading the internet and eating Easter treats....I did learn that the island of Tristan da Cunha has lobsters on its flag.
That's interesting 🙂
Just tell them that.

GabriellaMontez · 11/04/2023 10:03

Oh! No notice. "Sorry I've not got anything to talk about today"

StagsLeap · 11/04/2023 10:04

This sounds mad. Why are adults in the workplace wasting their own and everyone else’s time by doing a completely un-work-related compulsory show and tell? Do I really need to hear about Daniel from Accounts’ Camino?

notsayingmuch · 11/04/2023 10:04

GabriellaMontez · 11/04/2023 10:03

Oh! No notice. "Sorry I've not got anything to talk about today"

This poster has had plenty of notice - they posted the same problem last week and could have prepared a presentation in the same amount of time as they have spent worrying about it!

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 11/04/2023 10:05

Talk about signs of autism in girls and what social anxiety truly feels like.

florentina1 · 11/04/2023 10:08

I would email as follows. ‘With regard to the show and tell. would be happy to do this if it was work related however I cannot discuss my personal life with my colleagues.
thank you for your understanding.’

moveoverye · 11/04/2023 10:08

Honestly, just do it!
Tell them about your college course / a book you read in school / somewhere you went on holiday.
1 minute, you’re done.

GMOOH2023 · 11/04/2023 10:09

C'mon @Itagain

You posted about this last week. Same situation.

You have had a week to think about it, but your OP doesn't actually say this so the responses are not appropriate.

It hasn't just been sprung on you.

jeaux90 · 11/04/2023 10:10

Just say no you don't want to.

noblesix · 11/04/2023 10:11

I'm autistic and I recently left a job because of the requirement to participate in stuff like this.

If you're already leaving then I'd just politely reply to the email saying you'd really prefer not to do this today as you don't have anything prepared. Or you could be honest and say it makes you incredibly anxious.

If they're anything like my previous employer then they will not understand (and I did disclose autism to them) and will make you do it anyway. In that case, just get through it as best you can and then be very kind to yourself afterwards.

Either way, you have my full sympathy. I understand how hugely distressing and stressful these things can be. Hopefully you will find a workplace that doesn't demand this type of nonsense. My new employer is much better and I haven't disclosed anything or asked for any accommodations.

Elaine450 · 11/04/2023 10:11

How did you get out of it last time?
To have really struggled with this at work today?

Brefugee · 11/04/2023 10:12

you posted about this last week? and you asked to do it the week after, right? so why did you suddenly hear about this?

Elaine450 · 11/04/2023 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Itagain · 11/04/2023 10:13

It was supposed to be someone else's turn today so I thought I wasn't doing it today, but they've changed it and asked me to do it as I didn't do it last week

OP posts:
Elaine450 · 11/04/2023 10:14

So just say no it's too short notice. They need to find someone else or leave it this week

Original poster
Itagain · 11/04/2023 10:14

I can't explain how anxious it makes me feel. I'm sat in tears unable to concentrate on my actual work because i'm worrying so much about this. I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I can't just get on with it. I give up

OP posts:
LordEmsworth · 11/04/2023 10:14

So just do something work-related.

I mean, if you're leaving anyway then just say "it seems inappropriate for me to take a slot given I'll be away soon, so you will prefer to ask someone else".

But you don't have to do anything personal, something I read in the industry press or evaluating why our company should be more like Disney or this article about how to have a difficult conversation...

Brefugee · 11/04/2023 10:14

so you are preparing something for another time?
Your clue to have something ready to go was when it was sprung on you last week. That was your cue to prepare something - shit or not it doesn't matter because you're leaving - so you could jump in if it happened again.
That is the adult-at-work type of thing you need to get used to doing.

So now you have to say: no, i haven't prepared anything and it would be a waste of everyone's time.

And then: Prepare something in case between now and when you leave you are asked to do it. Again.