To ask for your help in getting out of this at work today?

[Itagain]

I think I'm autistic but not diagnosed, so work doesn't know. They want me to present a short 'show and tell' this morning at work about something interesting I've read/seen/done. We do this weekly and a different person gets picked each week. I really struggle with this kind of thing, I'm ok if it's work-related but not when it's personal. I feel really panicky and I can't explain it but I just can't do it.

My manager has emailed me asking me to do it in this morning's meeting. I haven't responded yet. Please does anyone have any suggestions for how to get out of it?

I'm in my notice period as I'm leaving because I realise that this is not the job for me

Maybe to build confidence in presenting? We have this at work - I’m a software engineer. A high proportion of us (myself included) are also autistic, and/or neurodiverse in various ways.

We did start off with asking people to share interesting tech stuff but some were so scared that they’d be caught out with questions. So we allow any ‘interesting fact’ to ease them into it.

Contrary to what people think presenting is a very important skill, and a lot get the shock of their lives when joining because they think we sit quietly and write code all day.

OP it’s silly if they’re specifically asking for personal stuff but something interesting doesn’t scream that to me. Just get some facts on an obscure topic and rattle them off

What are they going to do if you don't do it? I seriously doubt this would be worthy of you being fired.
If you really can't do it - just say clearly "I'm not doing this".

What a waste of everyone's time and effort

I can't explain how anxious it makes me feel. I'm sat in tears unable to concentrate on my actual work because i'm worrying so much about this. I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I can't just get on with it. I give up

you said you're autistic. Do you also have ADHD? this is how it presents in many people (specifically women?) procrastination.

You need to get a handle on this - if you don't want to go for an official diagnosis, read up on ADHD in adult women, and adopt the recommended strategies. These include things like - running up and down stairs for 5 minutes, clears your head; keep a ToDo App (or written list) handy at all times, work through it (use the A, B, C categorisation and switch things around periodically); set alarms for tasks you need to do. More than one (not snooze, new alarms)

Even if you don't have ADHD these strategies may help you anyway. They help me.

my adult DD is recently diagnosed with ADHD and i read this ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction - from Childhood Through Adulthood (Audio Download): Edward M. Hallowell, John J. Ratey, Fred Sanders, Random House Audio: Amazon.co.uk: Books

it is short, short chapters and written in a very chatty, easy to read manner.

it will help you in your next job. (how long do you have to go in this one?)

All the neurotypical people saying just do it really don't understand how it can feel to just not feel to honestly not feel able to feel able to do something that you know should be simple and easy. People telling you to just do it just makes you feel like more of a failure.

Either tell your line manager you don't feel able to or to be honest I would probably use it to talk about my current area of intense interest - autism in women and girls and how overlooked and misunderstood it is. Bit passive aggressive but it might help raise some awareness and it is autism awareness month. However, I recognise that I am able to deal with situations like this most of the time as long as I have a little bit of prep time and it's social situations I can't manage well.

Dear God . Show and Tell in the bloody workplace??

What a waste of everyone's time and effort.

Is it though?

Op says:

I can't explain how anxious it makes me feel. I'm sat in tears unable to concentrate on my actual work because i'm worrying so much about this. I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I can't just get on with it. I give up

And I just wonder Op, with them pushing this two weeks in a row, whether this points to an essential skill that you lack.

Being able to present briefly to a group of colleagues is fairly essential in most jobs I would have thought. So perhaps if you're getting so stressed about this it's their way of trying to find a way to ease you into doing this?

They may actually be trying to help.

I don't have autism OP but have had extreme anxiety about stuff like this before so I really empathise just remember nobody can force you to do anything you are not comfortable with. You're clearly in a bit of a state and it's just not worth it. In your shoes I would call your manager now and explain that it is causing great anxiety and you won't be able to do it.

Then maybe you can work on some techniques for how to tackle things like this in the future. I really recommend the book 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

a favourite tv show. Make it so boring, they won’t ask you again,

Or dreams! Ask someone what they dreamed of and then interpret it with rubbish made up stuff.

there's a lot going on here.
For those who think it's a waste of time - that's as may be (although i don't agree. I've done this within teams before, not as the manager, to hone presentation skills. It is easier to start with something you know and work on up) - the fact is her work want her to do this. Everyone else does.

So. She can say "sorry, autism i simply cannot and you need to make this reasonable adjustment for me" - which is incredibly difficult to do and I guess OP doesn't want to/can't handle that.
She can say: i haven't prepared anything it would be a waste of everoyne's time. (to which i as the manager would say: but you should have prepared something last week knowing it could happen) and insist that she be excused again this week (she was apparently excused last week too)
She could say: i'm leaving in x weeks, this is to hone presentation skills/get to know team members. It would be a better use of everyone's time for someone who isn't leaving shortly to do it. No thank you

etc etc

We did give OP a lot of strategies/excuses/reasons last week. I get that being ND this is a huge thing for her. But it would be a better use of her time to read what we wrote then.

It’s ‘culture’ and bonding.

Sounds like my work. They want WAY too much of your personal life these days. I just want to go to work and get paid!

If you're really struggling that much say you are unwell and need to go to the doctors. People who don't feel like this don't understand and will say just do it.

If you're fine about work stuff could you do something and make it about work?

Thought I was going mad but you posted this exact same thing just last week.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4777447-to-have-really-struggled-with-this-at-work-today?reply=125169851

If you can't get out of it, could you pick a subject that isn't personal to you - something you saw on a documentary, an interesting fact you've heard recently, that kind of thing? That way it's more like repeating what someone else has said about a subject instead of giving your own views or talking about yourself - it might relieve some of the pressure?

I'd hate this too though!

@DrHousecuredme And I just wonder Op, with them pushing this two weeks in a row, whether this points to an essential skill that you lack.

my guess would be she does lack the skill (she has admitted that) but the manager doesn’t care about the skill set, she is leaving. This is a way to get a dig in because she is off- the manager will know how anxious this makes op, essentially that are using it to their advantage. HR approved bullying

I read xyz about our industry, it reaffirms my decision to leave the organisation.
They'll shut it down quickly enough

OP has explained this in her posts, was supposed to do it for the last 2 weeks but someone else ended up doing it. Now it's been landed on her today.

I'd probably be saying 'Yes, absolutely, I found a great website about how to tailor your CV to different jobs when you are in a role that treats you like school kids, I'd be more than happy to present it. Can't wait'.

If people are required to present stuff as part of their job, then they should receive specific training for this (if they feel they need it).
Show and tell about personal stuff if it's not required would piss me off.

You could say, 'I'm leaving the organisation on x date and cannot see the benefit in doing this, so won't be.'

If you're on notice just say no.

If you're leaving anyway so just say no over message, I'm sure no one will be that bothered.

Just say No. what’s the worst that can happen if you are leaving anyway 🤷‍♀️

Thank god I'm not the only one who recognised the post, almost word for word from last week. I really thought my phone had glitched!

When you didn't do it last week @Itagain, did you not use the time to make a plan for this week?