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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your help in getting out of this at work today?

124 replies

Itagain · 11/04/2023 09:52

I think I'm autistic but not diagnosed, so work doesn't know. They want me to present a short 'show and tell' this morning at work about something interesting I've read/seen/done. We do this weekly and a different person gets picked each week. I really struggle with this kind of thing, I'm ok if it's work-related but not when it's personal. I feel really panicky and I can't explain it but I just can't do it.

My manager has emailed me asking me to do it in this morning's meeting. I haven't responded yet. Please does anyone have any suggestions for how to get out of it?

I'm in my notice period as I'm leaving because I realise that this is not the job for me

OP posts:
Brefugee · 11/04/2023 10:52

If people are required to present stuff as part of their job, then they should receive specific training for this (if they feel they need it).
Show and tell about personal stuff if it's not required would piss me off.

but this is one way of getting that training, if done right. If they genuinely need to work as a team it does work better if they know each other. And it doesn't have to be very personal. Everyone who has ever had to do this has chosen something, at some point, that is easy to talk about that they can do relatively easily with very little research/effort. Even people who like doing it.

But again - this is either something the manager thinks OP needs to learn (fair enough but don't just drop her in it and expect it to work, especially for a 3rd time) or it is the manager picking on her (say no I'm leaving, there's no point) or whatever.

OP is an adult in an adult world and if she struggles with this kind of thing she needs to find ways round it. She's changing her job so hopefully this will mitigate it. But she needs to face up to the fact that these things happen and either have a ready supply of reasons not to do it, or a subject or two that she can cover at the drop of a hat.

LuluBlakey1 · 11/04/2023 10:55

My 5 year old has taken some shells and pebbles in her beach bucket to do her 'Show and Tell' today at school. It's madness that adults are wasting work-time on this. Ridiculous. Just email back and say 'I'm not able to do this.'

TheOrigRights · 11/04/2023 11:01

AIIie · 11/04/2023 10:39

OP has explained this in her posts, was supposed to do it for the last 2 weeks but someone else ended up doing it. Now it's been landed on her today.

Show quote history

I also recognised it. It would have been useful if OP had mentioned this in her post today, and acknowledged the advice she had been given, and maybe used.
Then people wouldn't have just repeated all that was said on that thread.

LuluBlakey1 · 11/04/2023 11:03

Or could you stand up and say with a smile -
'I haven't actually got a show and tell but I can tell you about why not. I find things like this quite difficult to do and uncomfortable. They don't come naturally to me for some reason and I have actually really worried about it.
Anyway, as you know, I'm leaving in a fortnight to start a new job so I won't be faced with any more of these. I'll just take this as my opportunity to say my thanks and wish you all well and I'll be thinking of you on Monday mornings relieved I'm not doing a show and tell.'

TheOrigRights · 11/04/2023 11:03

Itagain · 11/04/2023 10:14

I can't explain how anxious it makes me feel. I'm sat in tears unable to concentrate on my actual work because i'm worrying so much about this. I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I can't just get on with it. I give up

If something (anything) in your workplace is leading you to cry and unable to work then you need to address that with support from your manager.

Ourladycheesusedatum · 11/04/2023 11:05

Exhibity · 11/04/2023 10:46

If people are required to present stuff as part of their job, then they should receive specific training for this (if they feel they need it).
Show and tell about personal stuff if it's not required would piss me off.

This.
God shoving people in at the deep end is no way to teach them.

I had to do a 5 minute presentation for a college course. It took me days to find a topic I could confidently talk about. Rattle off information like a pro, write it, practise it. Make sure I did enough to cover the time but not so long I ran out of facts.

I will admit now that having done it I'm a better public speaker for it. But that time was horrendous.

Btw my subject was saltaire. The place, the man behind it, whats still there and the permanent hockney exhibition. Wiki is your friend op

FranksOcean · 11/04/2023 11:10

It’s like de ja vu

bondsy · 11/04/2023 11:15

Are you ok OP? Have you managed to speak to your manager? Flowers

HereForTheFreeLunch · 11/04/2023 11:16

Is there any part of your job you may need to handover to this group as you are leaving?
if you are more comfortable doing it work related, then just cover that.

"As I am leaving on such and such date, I thought it may be more useful to walk you through thus and such topic."

They are hardly going to stop you mid spiel.

When I worked in consulting we had this every friday - often I just gave them a walkthrough of the domain/project I was on. It went down no better or worse than the other BS people came up with.

Think of yourself as a politician... whatever the question, they answer what they want to answer.

Buggersticks · 11/04/2023 11:21

Honey, just tell them how you feel! I'm not autistic (or even particularly dhy) and this sort of thing terrifies the heck out of me. Bless you, hope you're OK x

Buggersticks · 11/04/2023 11:22

*shy

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 11/04/2023 11:29

Oh OP, just say no thank you.

I'm working my notice period and have 37 years' service. I was asked last week with a day's notice to present a slide deck of something I've been working on for a few months to a very large, but not particularly relevant, audience.

I just said "Sorry, would really rather not, I don't think it's relevant and I'm leaving in two weeks" - they just replied "oh, ok".

fuck em.

StopGrowingPlease · 11/04/2023 11:31

If you think you have autism and struggle with things like this it is definitely worth going through the diagnostic process. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and whilst I haven’t tried to get a job since (I am a SAHM to a toddler) I am hopeful that when the time comes to trying again I will be able to get support at getting a part time job (I doubt I’ll ever be able to do full time in any job).
My last job was before Covid and I was pulled into a meeting for not talking about the weather and my weekend with my colleagues… I was also told that I was not doing my job properly as I wasn’t engaging with the other staff… I ended up getting a sick note for my anxiety and was never offered another shift…. I’m hoping that my diagnosis means that when I try again I can get a bit of support 🤞

OhwhyOY · 11/04/2023 11:34

OP I'd just have a quiet word with your manager in private and explain the anxiety that this is causing you, therefore you won't be able to do it.

JudgeJ · 11/04/2023 11:42

moveoverye · 11/04/2023 10:08

Honestly, just do it!
Tell them about your college course / a book you read in school / somewhere you went on holiday.
1 minute, you’re done.

Or tell them how pleased you are to be leaving a place that places too much value of being 'right on' with unrelated, unnecessary activities, such as this.

JudgeJ · 11/04/2023 11:48

And I just wonder Op, with them pushing this two weeks in a row, whether this points to an essential skill that you lack.

Being able to present briefly to a group of colleagues is fairly essential in most jobs I would have thought. So perhaps if you're getting so stressed about this it's their way of trying to find a way to ease you into doing this?

Theymayactually be trying to help

That sounds like HR BS, how does bullying someone into a non-essential performance supposed to be helpful? As a teacher I was obviously able to speak to a class or a whole school Assembly as they were essential to my role but I loathe being in non-essential situations which place me at the centre of attraction to the extent that I ducked out of my leaving do in the staff room because I would be expectred to speak informally.

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 11:52

They know perfectly well that op is leaving. They're not concerned about any essential / non essential skills she may or may not have.

Newpeep · 11/04/2023 11:53

When asked to do something similar, I say 'Hello I am x and I find things like this very uncomfortable so I'd rather not participate but thank you for the opportunity.' Stops them dead and makes the person chairing squirm.

Cordeliathecat · 11/04/2023 11:54

I wouldn’t have a problem babbling on about something but if you really don’t want to and you’re in your notice period then you don’t really have to.

Just email your manager back and say that you don’t want to do this and you’re in your notice period so won’t be participating. Don’t ask for permission to bow out, just say no, you won’t be doing it. There is literally nothing they can do to make you.

ilovesooty · 11/04/2023 11:54

Presumably you've either done it or not done it by now.

Surely, however, presenting to others (work related stuff at least) is something you can reasonably be asked to do in any job?

You might certainly be faced with it in your next role.

CantFindTheBeat · 11/04/2023 11:54

Newpeep · 11/04/2023 11:53

When asked to do something similar, I say 'Hello I am x and I find things like this very uncomfortable so I'd rather not participate but thank you for the opportunity.' Stops them dead and makes the person chairing squirm.

Why would it make the person chairing squirm? What an odd thing.

If it were chairing, it would make me say 'no problem at all, let's get on to the next thing'.

BitchBrigade · 11/04/2023 11:55

OP Please just send them an email saying "No, I am leaving and I refuse to do this".

You have references and have assumedly signed another contract. They can't do shit to interfere with that.

BitchBrigade · 11/04/2023 11:58

ilovesooty · 11/04/2023 11:54

Presumably you've either done it or not done it by now.

Surely, however, presenting to others (work related stuff at least) is something you can reasonably be asked to do in any job?

You might certainly be faced with it in your next role.

Presenting actual work is one thing, but wasting time giving a PowerPoint presentation on your hobbies and what you do in personal time is actually just vulgar. Being FORCED to do it is on another level entierly.

Some peoples priorities on here are so fucked when it comes to work Team building, shit ice breakers and now this. No wonder people can't be bothered to go into the office anymore with all this bullshit going on.

Newpeep · 11/04/2023 11:58

CantFindTheBeat · 11/04/2023 11:54

Why would it make the person chairing squirm? What an odd thing.

If it were chairing, it would make me say 'no problem at all, let's get on to the next thing'.

Show quote history

I suspect because they were not expecting me to be so honest. It wasn't intentional but if it's not part of my job I am not really happy being made to feel uncomfortable (and worry about it) then I am going to be honest.

I have presented and run sessions to help and teach my colleagues how to do things that I am good at and they struggle and it is one of the most rewarding parts of my job. But I am not a fan of 'ice breakers by force' and will be honest in that I don't want to do it but thank you. I won't apologise for that.

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 12:01

ilovesooty · 11/04/2023 11:54

Presumably you've either done it or not done it by now.

Surely, however, presenting to others (work related stuff at least) is something you can reasonably be asked to do in any job?

You might certainly be faced with it in your next role.

Presenting work related data to colleagues is a different ball game to doing Show and Tell like a superannuated toddler.