DP says I’m boring since having a baby

[babypanther]

My DD is almost two months old, I had a c section and a difficult recovery but for the most part am back to normal physically now. I also had quite bad baby blues, I’m starting to feel better in this regard too, but I do quite often feel run down and overwhelmed as well as exhausted all the time. I love my DD more than anything and wouldn’t change it for the world but I admit I haven’t been myself.

My DP keeps making comments about me being boring now and no fun since we had the baby. Mostly this seems to be centered around us being “spontaneous”, whether it be us going out for a date night, going out for the day, or being intimate, when I point out we have to consider our DD now and we can’t just do our own thing at the last minute anymore, he says I’m so boring and I used to be fun. Even last night he was playing music on his phone quite loudly, I asked him to turn it down as DD was going down for her nap, he said he couldn’t do anything anymore and I was so boring now.

AIBU for not being as spontaneous? I just feel like my daughter is my first priority all the time. I know I should maybe be making time to be intimate etc, or for us to have spontaneous plans, but if I’m being honest I don’t Often have the energy for it.

He sounds like an immature idiot. What did he think was going to happen once you had a baby? Honestly some me are just completely stupid.

He's being a tit and you're being completely normal.

Is he even wanting to be a parent?

You don't have anything to feel guilty over. You're quite correct to put you and your baby first. He sounds completely unprepared for life with a baby. Keep doing what you are doing. You sound like you're doing a fab job.

How often does he look after her alone?

Tell him, as you want me to be less boring and more spontaneous I'm off out for the day. Without dd.

Enjoy.

Bless you OP. You aren’t boring. You’ve just given birth and gone through a massive life change. He should be supporting you, not expecting spontaneous sex 🤢
Does he do any parenting?

How could anyone feel like being intimate with a man child like that?

It's been two months- what a twat.

How old is he? He sounds very immature. (I’m old enough the bit about playing music loudly off his phone gave me a cringe shudder.)

He sounds like an absolute idiot. Do not feel for a second like you have to make time to be intimate or spontaneous with a 2 month old baby! I’m a FTM with an 11 month old and me and DP are only just organising our first night away without our son. I’ve struggled with PND and not been myself since my son has been born and my partner has never once made a single comment like that. Ignore him and concentrate on you and baby x

Some men are really selfish and can’t stop thinking about themselves. I had one of these.

it’s also because they aren’t no 1 any more.

Oh dear. You have two children. Time for a frank chat about what being a parent involves. You say DP - so you aren't married. Whatever you do, do not down-size your career or your pension for childcare. Sounds like you might at some point in the future need to be self-sufficient and not being married drastically reduces his obligations towards you.

Oh dear, you’ve procreated with a manchild. Prepare for single parenthood.

OP,

I hope you have family and friends to support you because he sounds awful.

What a terrible thing to say to a post partum mum.

I would actually call it abusive, but then I have a very low threshold for arseholes.

And he sounds like a nasty belittling arsehold.

Tell family and friends how unkind he is being and ask for support from your GP and health visitor.

No wonder you have had the blues if this waster is all you have had for support.

Don't suffer in silence.

The only spontaneous thing I'd be doing is packing his bags and sending him on his merry way.

You had a baby 2 months ago, via major abdominal surgery. If he can't understand that changes things he can sod off back to mummy.

Your DP is an absolute tool, idiot, wanker.... I can't think of any better words ATM.

He clearly has not copped what life as a patent of a young baby is like. He should though.

He's selfish.

Pls don't have any more with him, this will oh get worse.

Is he even pulling his weight with the baby, I'm guessing not.

What the fuck did he expect? Who is he expecting will babysit at a moment’s notice?!

Oh my god. Who on earth would want to be intimate with a man child who whines about turning his phone music down while his 2 month old baby has a nap??!! Spontaneous or otherwise, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me! Raging on your behalf, OP. You are not boring. You’ve just had a baby and have your priorities and focus exactly where they should be. You deserve better than this.

If it were me, he would either need to grow up immediately, or get out permanently.

Who the FUCK voted YABU??

OP, you had a baby literally a few weeks ago. You are still deep in recovery phase, and life is never going to be the same again (in a good way!) He's an absolute twat, immature and self-absorbed. Honestly, I am so angry when I read about arsehole menchildren like this.

Gather proper support around you (family, friends), and have a big think about what positives he brings to your life. I bet there's not many.

He needs to shape up of ship out. What a total knob.

AIBU for not being as spontaneous?

Lmao. I had a caesarian, a bit of wound infection, hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, pnd (not severe thankfully), horrendous trying to get great feeding going (ended up combi feeding), after that the teething, the viruses, the tantrums .. .. Then there's the having to go out kitted out ike you're doing a round the world expedition everytime; parenting babies and small children is extremely challenging at times. You do not function as "normal" for a long time.

*or

I just want to say that DP is great with our DD, and while he was on paternity leave he really did do a lot for me and DD. He is fantastic with her and adores her. It just seems like he expects me to be as fun and spontaneous as I was before we became parents. We are in our late twenties, and he keeps saying that we did agree to still make time for one another and not lose sight of us as a couple once we had our baby (which we did both talk about a lot during pregnancy), but I feel like I’m doing as much as I can and it doesn’t seem like enough.

I love him and he is my best friend, he has been a very loving and supportive partner throughout our relationship, but I just feel like at the moment he expects something from me that I’m struggling to give. I don’t want our relationship to suffer but when I’ve tried to explain to him that I think our current situation is normal, he said he feels like we’re going to lose our spark.

I’d be showing him just how spontaneous I could be by throwing his arse out of my house.

Sounds like he is attributing the change in lifestyle since having a baby to you personally rather than the fact that changes, such as needing to be quiet during naps and not being able to go out spontaneously,
would be the case whoever the mother was.

Wow just wow. What an arsehole.

Do not whatever you do have another child with him or give up work.

He’s throwing his toys out of the pram because he’s a selfish bastard.

Poor you he should be supporting you, looking after you so you can focus on your baby. Not making things extra difficult for you.