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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP says I’m boring since having a baby

107 replies

babypanther · 10/04/2023 12:01

My DD is almost two months old, I had a c section and a difficult recovery but for the most part am back to normal physically now. I also had quite bad baby blues, I’m starting to feel better in this regard too, but I do quite often feel run down and overwhelmed as well as exhausted all the time. I love my DD more than anything and wouldn’t change it for the world but I admit I haven’t been myself.

My DP keeps making comments about me being boring now and no fun since we had the baby. Mostly this seems to be centered around us being “spontaneous”, whether it be us going out for a date night, going out for the day, or being intimate, when I point out we have to consider our DD now and we can’t just do our own thing at the last minute anymore, he says I’m so boring and I used to be fun. Even last night he was playing music on his phone quite loudly, I asked him to turn it down as DD was going down for her nap, he said he couldn’t do anything anymore and I was so boring now.

AIBU for not being as spontaneous? I just feel like my daughter is my first priority all the time. I know I should maybe be making time to be intimate etc, or for us to have spontaneous plans, but if I’m being honest I don’t Often have the energy for it.

OP posts:
Comtesse · 10/04/2023 13:04

He’s a donkey, honestly….

ExtraOnions · 10/04/2023 13:07

He’s neither a good dad, or a great partner … you are gaslighting yourself with that one.

A good dad does not make mum feel bad, a good dad does not play music with baby is sleeping, a good partner does not make his partner feel bad or call them nothing, a good partner / dad does not put himself first.

Reality bites, and he needs to grow up and accept that life has changed. He’s no longer “number one” in the house.

ExtraOnions · 10/04/2023 13:07

“Boring” not “nothing”

Nosleepforthismum · 10/04/2023 13:10

Two months old? What a fucking arsehole. Tell him to grow the fuck up or ideally dump him. I’ve not read something quite as rage inducing on MN in some time. Please don’t let him make you feel like you have done anything wrong. He’s 100% the issue here.

Talia99 · 10/04/2023 13:15

What, you mean having a child means changing your lifestyle? Why did nobody tell him?!

Maybe because he’s an adult and any adult knows that. Do you also have tell him he needs to eat when he’s hungry and go to bed when he’s tired? I mean he’s acting like a toddler who has lost Mummy’s attention to the new baby - I have to wonder how many other ways you have to parent him.

Rowthe · 10/04/2023 13:16

Why dont you leave for a couple fo days and let him take care of the baby for 48 hours and we'll see how spontaneous he is when you return.

CantFindTheBeat · 10/04/2023 13:18

I misread your OP and thought your child was two years old. I was going to say perhaps you could put time in to do more adult things.

But TWO MONTHS??? Even six months would be very soon to have to have recovered from the birth mentally and physically if you needed more time.

You could try and have a proper chat and see if you can get in the same page.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/04/2023 13:19

while he was on paternity leave he really did do a lot for me and DD

But I"m guessing he doesn't now?

What a twat, honestly. Why did he think everything would be the same after having a baby?

If he wants to be spontaneous, you could always back him a bag and tell him to go and ask his Mummy what she thinks... seriously though. You need to sit down and talk to him about being a grown up, being a parent, and having responsibilities.

If he's not prepared to commit to that, then he needs to go now. Don't 'expect him to change' as he sounds like a selfish tit.

Do not have another child with him and do not rely on him at all. Don't give up your job either.

FabFitFifties · 10/04/2023 13:25

I can assure you that 2 months after giving birth, making time for intimacy is not the norm in terms of priority OP.

Itsmeagain2 · 10/04/2023 13:25

You aren't boring. You are a parent.

GizzardChops · 10/04/2023 13:37

Jesus. What a man child. Two months into parenthood and he's moaning life isn't like it used to be? What did he think it would be like exactly?!

OP YANBU your DP is. 100%. He needs to get a grip!

Although one thing I would say is... enjoy going out for meals (I'm more talking lunch/brunch here rather than an evening out) while you have a tiny baby who is no bother. Relaxed dining really will be a thing of the past once you reach the active baby/todder stage. 😂

On your DP... At least you aren't married to him so there's still time to make an escape if this is the tip of the man child iceberg.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/04/2023 13:42

make time for one another and not lose sight of us as a couple

That's shorthand for 'why aren't you instigating blowjobs every other night?'

Greydogs123 · 10/04/2023 13:50

Would I be right in guessing he isn’t organising any of the spontaneous stuff? Tell him to go ahead and organise something for you both together and you’ll happily do it. The organisation is going to have to include a babysitter, so I imagine at that point he won’t bother.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 10/04/2023 13:53

How dare he. I mean....how DARE he.

ilovesooty · 10/04/2023 13:55

Why are you making excuses for him?

surreygirl1987 · 10/04/2023 14:01

Oh my god you have an 8 week old and he has the nerve to say you're boring???? I was in survival mode for the first year. I swear if my husband had called me boring I'd have walked out (with the baby). What a wanker. Yes life changes when you have kids and it is mind numbingly boring a lot of the time. Mat leave was the most boring year of my life . But what on earth did he expect??

Hellno45 · 10/04/2023 14:07

Your DP is being totally unreasonable and unrealistic. Your baby is 8 weeks old. You had a csection. You are recovering both physically and emotionally from having a baby and now are trying to find your feet as a mum. Instead of thinking about his dick he needs to think about how he can better support you.

My kids are 2 and 4 and we are not spontaneous. Sex generally happens on a Saturday morning before they get up if I'm not exhausted. With an 8 week old baby it happened NEVER.

Whiteroomjoy · 10/04/2023 14:13

IncompleteSenten · 10/04/2023 13:00

He's having a fucking laugh.

You've just spent 9 months growing a person, had major abdominal surgery, are dealing with the massive rush of hormones that come after giving birth and you are now responsible for a tiny completely helpless human being while being sleep deprived and waiting for your body to heal the massive slit carved into your body.

And he is whining about fucking spontaneity?

With a baby?

And a stitched together tear across your bikini line?

Oh boo hoo my wife's world doesn't revolve around me right now. This is awful. However will I live like this. I simply assumed absolutely nothing would change when we had a baby.

He needs a spontaneous smack round the head is what he needs.

Sorry, don’t condone corporal punishment, but 🤣🤣🤣

femfemlicious · 10/04/2023 14:13

He doesn't realise life changes when you have a baby. This relationship won't last much longer. You need fireproof birth control

Dilemma19 · 10/04/2023 14:15

ilovesooty · 10/04/2023 13:55

Why are you making excuses for him?

Op your opening and update posts completely contradict each other. Everyone here can clearly see that. Stop making excuses for him. He isn't any of what you described in your update post otherwise you wouldn't have posted.

JohnWick4 · 10/04/2023 14:18

Don’t have another baby with him.

NooNooHead1981 · 10/04/2023 14:21

And you chose the partner of your child to procreate with... because...? He sounds a fine specimen of the male species. Very endearing. 😳😒

79andnotout · 10/04/2023 14:21

What a bellend.

Ladybug14 · 10/04/2023 14:22

Don't make excuses for him or big him up

The man's a dick

End of

ShowUs · 10/04/2023 14:48

Without sounding sexist a man cannot ever possibly know how mentally and physically draining it is to carry a baby, go through labour and give birth (in your case also surgery), lactate (even if not BF), BF if doing so and have the constant change in hormones.

Your baby is 8 weeks old!
You will probably only just be starting to feel half normal again.

I do think you should have a life and not get pulled into the idea of everything surrounding the baby as you are you’re own person.
But that’s incredibly difficult to do when your baby literally dictated your life right now.

Make sure he is pulling his weight so you are able to sleep properly and take care of yourself.

I would also make an effort to do things either as a family or having a date night at home. Not for him but for yourself.