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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Finishing my drink?

102 replies

StreamingCervix · 09/04/2023 21:49

recently, particularly over the bank holiday weekend I’ve been having a reoccurring issue with my dp. I find my final drink in a pub can take a little longer to finish, and he will finish his pint quite ahead of me. The issue seems to be that when he’s done and he wants to move on to another venue/home, he’s very done with the night of socialising and wants to make a move asap. I also am ready to go back, however I want to finish my drink without snipey digs and comments.

Who’s being unreasonable? DP for sniping or me for seemingly taking too long to finish my
drink and leave?

OP posts:
SergeiL · 09/04/2023 21:50

he sounds like a bit of an arse tbh.

Eggseggseverywhere · 09/04/2023 21:51

I can think of one thing you need to finish quick op...

Shoxfordian · 09/04/2023 21:51

He’s a knob

Thatiswild · 09/04/2023 21:52

Tell him to get himself an extra half or stfu

ElleMD80 · 09/04/2023 21:53

What you do: when he is done and you are not, grab a ziplock baggy out of your bag, pour in drink and pop in a straw. See if he prefers that. (He does sound like a bit of an arse, sorry!)

FrumptyMumpty · 09/04/2023 21:53

I think he’s being inconsiderate to time thing purely on his own needs but that you probably are too because surely you could drink faster with foresight.

I’m thinking that either you check when you’re going before ordering and skipping the last drink/getting half or perhaps he could go wait somewhere else for you.

takealettermsjones · 09/04/2023 21:53

Well of course he should let you finish, but it also depends how long you're taking imo. If you're both tired and want to go home but you're nursing an inch of wine for half an hour and insisting you can't go until it's all gone... I would find that annoying!

Harponatit · 09/04/2023 21:53

He's an arse.
I'd get another round in just to fuck him off!

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/04/2023 21:54

Mixed. Etiquette in my circles dictates that if you’re the last drink straggler you offer it up for sharing rather than keep everyone hanging about. They then have the opportunity to accept, or say “nah, it’s all good, we don’t mind waiting.”

If you’re consistently the last to drink up by a mile, can see why it would get frustrating tbh.

Holuna · 09/04/2023 21:55

Don’t jump when he clicks his fingers.

SisterAgatha · 09/04/2023 21:56

My DP does this to me all the time. My coffee always comes with a side of some kind of demand. Then he wonders why I’m always saying “let me finish my effing drink first!!!”

I think for him drinking is just an essential rather than an enjoyment.

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 09/04/2023 21:59

How much longer is it taking you to finish this last drink compared to previous ones?
Perhaps it would be better to agree a time to leave ahead of time and stick to it regardless.

toastofthetown · 09/04/2023 22:02

I think it depends on how long. If he's downing his pint in one and expecting you to match pace then clearly he's being unreasonable. If you are leaving your cocktail for so long it starts to separate into layers then you're being unreasonable.

But surely he knows roughly how quickly you drink so takes that into account when choosing to have another drink or to head home. I drink significantly slower than my partner, and other than a few jokes, it's never been an issue.

Original poster
StreamingCervix · 09/04/2023 22:03

We do agree a time in general to leave. However it’s rarely set in stone and often times exceeds the ‘set time’ by some 3/4hrs + when we’re enjoying being out. So it seems to be that timings can be very fluid, particularly when it’s a case of him (both) of us enjoying ourselves. The issue seems to transpire when it’s me who’s enjoying finishing my drink and He has very little tolerance for enjoyment that isn’t on his terms.

the pub is only down the road, and I suggested he could make a move and I’d follow on shortly but that wasn’t agreeable apparently.

OP posts:
Holuna · 10/04/2023 05:34

“He has very little tolerance for enjoyment that isn’t on his terms,” is the crux of the matter. Don’t indulge his selfishness; at the same time be reasonable.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2023 05:43

As long as you are very honest. My mother does PA slow eating and drinking. Everything is on her terms. No one can get up, move on or do anything until she's finished and she's SLOW.

I can feel the eyes on the last inch of liquid in her glass as she keeps everyone hostage.

Why not just leave the last inch?

Guavafish1 · 10/04/2023 05:46

Depends on how long you take

SageHoney · 10/04/2023 05:53

What's the purpose of his making snipey digs and comments? That's not pleasant for either of you. It sounds like he's trying to bully you into either gulping down your drink just to finish it or leaving it behind.

Your wants and needs are just as important as his; don't let him make you miserable just because he's self-centred. Unless he's a very small child, he can wait for you to finish without having a tantrum, just as you sometimes do for him. Or, as you've said, he can leave on his own.

JackiePlace · 10/04/2023 05:56

How long are you taking to finish it and why can't you just leave some in the glass?

JackiePlace · 10/04/2023 05:57

... or buy him another one.

JudgeRudy · 10/04/2023 06:07

Without knowing exactly how mismatched your drinking patterns are it's hard to know how to proceed. Tbh if I'd finished my last drink and had been standing around a while I'd be a bit irritated if you wouldn't just knock back one 'gulp' of gin for instance, but conversely I'd be annoyed if I was ordered to 'sup up' as his lordship was ready to leave.
Is the issue the drinks, or is it more that he's decided he's ready and not prepared to wait till you are? Have you tried it on him. Gulped your gin down whilst he's got over half a pint n just grabbed him and said "Come on babe, let's go to The Red Lion" and dragged his hand....or maybe deciding you're about done and just going to get a taxi/walk home?
The other alternative is plan your evenings, so have a timetable. Pretty shit if you're in a bar n you want to leave early or stay for a 2nd. If you can't compromise on this one not sure how it's gonna be when you're deciding what time it's acceptable to come to bed/have light on, or how long is too long to leave the dishes. Does he always expect his own way?

PuddlesPityParty · 10/04/2023 06:27

I’m not sure tbh OP it could be:

  • him being an arse by rushing you
  • you being an arse by purposely nursing your last drink
  • a mix of both
I am leaning towards it being a mix of both atm.
PuddlesPityParty · 10/04/2023 06:30

”enjoying finishing my drink” does make it seem like you’re milking it a bit, and meeting him down the road is potentially just PA because theres every chance you’d then use that against him (like my mum would do!) - not saying you would OP but I can see why he wouldn’t want to do that.

Tomkirkman · 10/04/2023 06:32

PuddlesPityParty · 10/04/2023 06:27

I’m not sure tbh OP it could be:

  • him being an arse by rushing you
  • you being an arse by purposely nursing your last drink
  • a mix of both
I am leaning towards it being a mix of both atm.

This ^

If me and dp agreed we were going home after this one and hour later dp was still sat there nursing the last bit of his drink to drag it out I would be pissed off too.

The fact that Op says her last one always takes longer to drink, suggests she is dragging it out.

But he could also be an arse as well.

DHsPoorBack · 10/04/2023 06:41

All depends OP. How much longer are you taking to finish one, much smaller drink?

If I got a pint and you got a G & T at 10pm, I had finished by 10.45, and you were still sipping at 11pm, wanting to "enjoy" your 100ml drink, I'd be annoyed with you as well.

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