Page 4 | Finishing my drink?

StreamingCervix · 2023-04-09T20:49:14+00:00

recently, particularly over the bank holiday weekend I’ve been having a reoccurring issue with my dp. I find my final drink in a pub can take a little longer to finish, and he will finish his pint quite ahead of me. The issue seems to be that when he’s done and he wants to move on to another venue/home, he’s very done with the night of socialising and wants to make a move asap. I also am ready to go back, however I want to finish my drink without snipey digs and comments. Who’s being unreasonable? DP for sniping or me for seemingly taking too long to finish my drink and leave?

Tarantullah · 10/04/2023 09:44

It would annoy me even if irrationally so, not much help I know. He could leave before you as you suggest but perhaps he's concerned about you walking home alone after 5 pints (not in a controlling way but if its anything like around here wouldn't want to be a lone female of an evening especially whilst at least tipsy). Can also see how it's annoying to you if you don't want to leave yet.

Bananalanacake · 10/04/2023 09:46

Don't move in with him, you would have to do everything his way.

Awoooga · 10/04/2023 09:51

I know you want to enjoy yourself by taking your time which is more than fair, but it sounds like an appropriate compromise might be to agree a time to leave. ‘Shall we head off in 30 mins, would you like another or a half?’.

SorePaw · 10/04/2023 09:51

Veenah · 10/04/2023 06:58

Why does your last drink take longer to finish?

It would be very annoying if he knocked his back and then sat impatiently glaring at you, waiting for you to finish in a normal amount of time. However just this weekend I was out in a group of 4, 3 of us sat waiting for over half an hour after we had finished our drinks for the last person to finish nursing a small glass of beer. I was designated driver for everyone so couldn't just leave. We were tired and the atmosphere had changed as the rest of us just wanted to go home. Every few minutes someone would mention leaving and he'd say yes, I'm just finishing and take another tiny sip. It was a frustrating end to an otherwise lovely night so whether you're unreasonable depends on how this actually plays out between the two of you.

@Veenah

you had the keys! Right fred I'm going in 5 minutes if you want a lift home,

end of.

SorePaw · 10/04/2023 10:16

Aprilx · 10/04/2023 08:16

I didn’t say couples should be joined at the hip, so no need for your snidey comment. But I thought it was quite normal for couple to go out together and come home together.

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@Aprilx your comment was judgey @minmooch 's comment was NOT snidey. It was politer than you deserve, as usual.

zingally · 10/04/2023 10:24

If you're always the last to finish, nursing 2 inches of whatever, I can see why that would get annoying.
If you're struggling always to finish the last drink, maybe listen to your body and bow out of the final round?

SorePaw · 10/04/2023 10:27

@StreamingCervix Don't move in together. You don't like him very much, think about whether you live him or just having someone to be with, be part of a couple etc. really think about your relationship & your life. Not because of how fast/slow you drink but because how he makes you feel & you already know he's very selfish & set in his ways.

PuddlesPityParty · 10/04/2023 10:33

If you’re bloated maybe have one less drink or get something lighter 🙄

retrosteamband · 10/04/2023 10:38

I’m probably the quick drinker in my relationship, only because I like cocktails that are sweet/not strong so easy to drink. I wouldn’t dream of asking my partner or whoever I’m out with to hurry up. It’s annoying to waste something you’ve spent money on, and let’s be honest that alcohol when you’re out isn’t the cheapest. A pint isn’t really something you can finish up quickly

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 10:39

FrumptyMumpty · 09/04/2023 21:53

I think he’s being inconsiderate to time thing purely on his own needs but that you probably are too because surely you could drink faster with foresight.

I’m thinking that either you check when you’re going before ordering and skipping the last drink/getting half or perhaps he could go wait somewhere else for you.

This doesn't make any sense.

You start off by saying that he is inconsiderate to only think of his own needs wishes, then contradict yourself by saying that OP ought to pander to him by drinking faster.

This isn't even about drinks, or who drinks at what speed.
It's about OP's bloke believing that his wishes supersede hers, & being unpleasant to her about it.

I doubt it's the only area in which he is "me first".

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2023 10:40

In working out whether it's him being an arse or you being PA, this phrase stood out:

I could get a half, but then I wanted the pint. But maybe I’ll take this on board and make more compromises to suit his needs.

Which is PA. Now he might also be an arse but you definitely have shades of PA.

My mum would say we're all impatient and rude. But she loves to nurse two chips or an inch of a drink to hold us all hostage. Eventually everyone is just sitting there staring at the last chip in her hand willing it in. While she chats.

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 10:41

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/04/2023 21:54

Mixed. Etiquette in my circles dictates that if you’re the last drink straggler you offer it up for sharing rather than keep everyone hanging about. They then have the opportunity to accept, or say “nah, it’s all good, we don’t mind waiting.”

If you’re consistently the last to drink up by a mile, can see why it would get frustrating tbh.

But you could say the same about this bloke - ie -
"If you’re consistently the first to drink up by a mile, can see why it would get frustrating tbh."

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/04/2023 10:41

Can he not just get himself another drink? What an arse.

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 10:43

He has very little tolerance for enjoyment that isn’t on his terms.

He must be such a superstar in the sack!

Sarcasm aside OP - that is a horrible trait.
It must be awful to live with. How else does it manifest?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/04/2023 10:46

Nothing much sounds very enjoyable about being with him.

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 10:46

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2023 05:43

As long as you are very honest. My mother does PA slow eating and drinking. Everything is on her terms. No one can get up, move on or do anything until she's finished and she's SLOW.

I can feel the eyes on the last inch of liquid in her glass as she keeps everyone hostage.

Why not just leave the last inch?

I had a friend who would do this with ordering food.

Everybody else would crack on & order, mindful that other people are hungry.
She would make performance art of of humming & hawing, exclaiming how she couldn't choose, she didn;t know how hungry she was yet, she might like X but supposing Y was nicer, could the waiter come back in 5 minutes, oh it's so HARD, could she have this dish, but without that ingredient ...

Sorry Mrs P you're probably exhausted just reading that

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 10:51

SageHoney · 10/04/2023 05:53

What's the purpose of his making snipey digs and comments? That's not pleasant for either of you. It sounds like he's trying to bully you into either gulping down your drink just to finish it or leaving it behind.

Your wants and needs are just as important as his; don't let him make you miserable just because he's self-centred. Unless he's a very small child, he can wait for you to finish without having a tantrum, just as you sometimes do for him. Or, as you've said, he can leave on his own.

Nice post Sage, but disagree slightly that this is his sole purpose - he's trying to bully you into either gulping down your drink just to finish it or leaving it behind.

Obviously, that's what he does, but I don't think it's his prime motivation.
He lingers over drinks when HE wants to.
I suspect this is a tactical choice, & that he doesn't care about the last drink - he just likes keeping OP on the back foot by springing a manufactured displeasure on her at random intervals.

If OP started gulping her last drink down to match him, he'd find something else to snipe at her about. The entire point is so that he has a 'reason' to undermine her & make her feel in the wrong. Over something so petty. What a prince.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2023 10:53

Sorry Mrs P you're probably exhausted just reading that

No @KettrickenSmiled it's horribly familiar!

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 10:55

Veenah · 10/04/2023 06:58

Why does your last drink take longer to finish?

It would be very annoying if he knocked his back and then sat impatiently glaring at you, waiting for you to finish in a normal amount of time. However just this weekend I was out in a group of 4, 3 of us sat waiting for over half an hour after we had finished our drinks for the last person to finish nursing a small glass of beer. I was designated driver for everyone so couldn't just leave. We were tired and the atmosphere had changed as the rest of us just wanted to go home. Every few minutes someone would mention leaving and he'd say yes, I'm just finishing and take another tiny sip. It was a frustrating end to an otherwise lovely night so whether you're unreasonable depends on how this actually plays out between the two of you.

If he does this again, don't tolerate his rudeness.

Just get up, brandish your car keys, & tell him most people are tired & ready to go, so anybody who wants a lift is leaving with you now. Anybody who prefers spinning out their drink in annoying little sips & expecting everyone to wait for them can call a cab.

shivawn · 10/04/2023 10:57

Having recently been on holidays with a very slow eater and drinker, I know how tedious it is to sit around waiting for someone to finish nursing their pint before we can all move on. I think you could probably both compromise here.

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 10:59

nomoremerlot · 10/04/2023 07:31

I do laugh at the ones that immediately say your DH is an arse before they know these facts!

It's like, he's a man and he is guilty until proven innocent.

🙄

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It's like, he's an adult & he is guilty of making snipey digs & comments to another adult.
Nothing to do with his sex.

OP said she has offered to follow on when she'd finished if he's impatient to leave, but he won't accept that either. He doesn't want to compromise, & He has very little tolerance for enjoyment that isn’t on his terms.
Again - nowt to do with his sex, everything to do with thinking he's the boss of OP, & entitled to talk down to her.

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 11:02

I genuinely don’t feel that I hold him hostage, and I said if you’re ready to head back then I’ll catch up with you. He said no to this as then ‘you’d be having fun for two hours!’ Which I’m not sure where he got that idea from.

Well you said it yourself OP.
He has a problem with any enjoyment that isn't on his terms.
he also has a problem with you having fun. Why should you not stay out without him if you want to, & he's ready to head home?

Original poster

StreamingCervix · 10/04/2023 11:07

Thanks for all your feedback, I do understand that it’s a very subjective situation that can be interpreted in different ways.

For me the crux of it is that I’m not telling him what to do, I was genuinely having a nice time (as was he) and said pleasantly if he wanted to head back now I would join him shortly. He wanted to leave immediately, and got frustrated that I wouldn’t follow his wishes. I wasn’t holding him hostage or impinging on his plans and movements.

Theres any number of scenarios where each person in a relationship will have a different preference, it just feels like if things don’t suit his needs it becomes a drama and spoils what should be a nice time. Not always drinking related.

OP posts:

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 11:11

Theres any number of scenarios where each person in a relationship will have a different preference, it just feels like if things don’t suit his needs it becomes a drama and spoils what should be a nice time. Not always drinking related.

Fucksake don't move in with him.
He will be constantly sniping at you to ensure that all his enjoyment is on his own terms.
He's using this drinks scenario to undermine you. Sounds like he uses other situations in the same way.

ShimmeringShirts · 10/04/2023 11:28

So you take 45mins to finish a drink? YABU for that and your username 🤢