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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be offended by friends comment

118 replies

yellowbricklane · 09/04/2023 17:49

Hello,

For the past couple of years, I have been considering getting a family dog and have looked across many dog rescue shelters and gone through the appropriate verifications. I have fallen in love with a French bulldog and currently going through the process in getting the dog into our home. I told a very good friend of mine, who has always known that I've always wanted a dog (since growing up with them during childhood) and has been supportive. But she disapproves of our chosen dog. She said the following "I don't regard French bulldogs as proper dogs, they are more like designer handbags. I have never seen one run around or behave like normal dogs do. They are quite pretty to look at but that's all they are. A walking deformed handbag Confused. If that's what your after- go ahead and add it to your bag collection. But if you want a normal dog then I suggest you look elsewhere".

I find her comment very offensive. She has always been blunt, which I love her for and she is the only friend that tells me how it is. I honestly did not understand what she was trying to imply with her comment. At times, I feel like she drains on my happiness, any good things or opportunities that come my way she always puts a downer. How should
I respond? I didn't say anything when she said, but I want to tell how I truly feel. What do you all think

OP posts:
IntheJingelyJangelyJungle · 09/04/2023 23:10

Atethehalloweenchocs · 09/04/2023 20:35

As well as their health problems they are notoriously hard to train. So she is not wrong, but perhaps not tactful.

In my N=1 experience of taking on a 5yo rescue FB dog (at short notice, unplanned, she was surrendered to a vet friend when her owner died in the first wave of covid) and they needed to find a home as shelters weren’t taking in animals; I’d say this is tosh.

Ours came with few manners, hasn’t been walked a lot in the lead up to her owners death, had be passed around several interim homes before being surrendered… and had a habit of eating poop 🤢 Within 3months she was happy, had identified herself in the family human pack, sits to request, amazing recall and constant willingness to please. She was a massively positive in our house. The old adage ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ was not true. She’s not super bright but easily learned very good behaviour.

She costs us a lot… but as a rescue dog (we didn’t plan on having) I balance this in my head re what a puppy of any breed from a reputable and ethical breeder would cost.

Given a good home these rescue dogs can have a really excellent quality of life.

surreygirl1987 · 09/04/2023 23:17

She has a point.

blebbleb · 09/04/2023 23:27

I wouldn't say that to a friend but I do agree with her. So overbred and poor things can't even breathe properly. They often suffer from so many health issues.

ohsuzannah · 09/04/2023 23:29

I would never get a French bulldog. Friends have one and I hate hearing the way he breathes. A lot of bulldogs are the same because of the pushed in face.
My choice of dog is a miniature dachshund. We've had 4 but lost 2 last year. You get very attached to you and once they move in they own you, also they are stubborn and will only learn things if it suits them!
These are the 2 we have now, the dapple girl is 9 months old and the Black and Tan boy is 11

PartingGift · 09/04/2023 23:32

Not sure if anyone has already mentioned this, and maybe you already know from your research, but French bulldogs can't really swim at all. My friend had one who drowned when they let them off the lead near some water and they jumped in after their ball 😔. My friend wasn't aware of this until it was too late.

Goodread1 · 09/04/2023 23:36

..mmm I wonder if there is more behind her Bluntness attitude Tell it as it is then?

I bet my bottom dollar she expects you to be allmost people pleasing her view points,

But she is hyper senistive to any potential perceived critism directed at , when in reality she probably takes things wrong way really ....often

People like her as Annoying fxck really 🙄

You have to fit into their idea of perfection

KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 23:56

furryfrontbottom · 09/04/2023 18:28

Your friend is being absurd, those things are not the least bit pretty.

I agree! Everything your friend said was true I think, apart from them being pretty. Horribly ugly in my opinion.

that said, it was tactless of your friend to say that.

EmptyBoxes · 10/04/2023 01:43

My choice of dog is a miniature dachshund

Which can have their own set of health issues but doesn't change your mind about them right? So respect others choices.

Horribly ugly in my opinion.

I couldn't say that of any animal. People however... Plenty of ugliness on this thread alone. But imagine talking this way of humans or nationalities. Just wouldn't be tolerated yet sentient beings with nicer souls than 99% of posters on this thread are free game.. Interesting.

CJsGoldfish · 10/04/2023 02:50

Did she really say all of that?
Either way, she isn't really wrong. I 'get' her handbag comment. They are 'trendy' these days. It's cool to have a frenchie 🙄
Which means more demand. People need to stop adding to that.

ashitghost · 10/04/2023 02:55

I agree with her.

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 10/04/2023 02:59

She is right !

Emotionalstorm · 10/04/2023 03:29

Your friend is right but she should have kept quiet and just said nice things.

Murdoch1949 · 10/04/2023 06:57

There are health issues with French bulldogs, so beware vet bills. Also due to their popularity via celebrity dogs, their breeding has not been careful, so more genetic problems will be present. I'd avoid them.

THisbackwithavengeance · 10/04/2023 10:25

I agree with her as well but I wouldn't go shooting my mouth off to a friend who had adopted one either.

She was rude and her remarks were uncalled for. I hope you told her!

DangerNoodles · 10/04/2023 10:41

In your shoes OP I would be wondering why a 'desirable' breed like a Frenchie is in a shelter, even from a puppy farm it wouldn't have been cheap. Frenchies are notoriously hard to train and often face expensive health problems. I'm a cat person so I don't have experience of dog shelters but when I was going through the adoption process I found that one or two shelters were so over run that they were quite pushy and trying to get us to take on cats that were not a good fit for our family. I don't know if dog shelters are the same, but I would want answers before taking the dog on, I suspect this dog is either out of control or poorly.

Your friend is blunt but I think her advice may save you trouble down the line.

RMNofTikTok · 10/04/2023 12:46

I agree with your friend. They are that deformed they can't breathe properly. And actually, as someone who cares about animal welfare, I wouldn't sustain a friendship with someone who cares about an animals aesthetics that much they are prepared to put an animal through a life time of suffering because they can't breathe properly, all because a squashed nose "looks cute".

If someone had gone to a rescue with a view of adopting any dog and were matched with a deformed pedigree, id be cool with that. But seeking out a certain breed? It's odd.

SlideDownAspen · 10/04/2023 23:16

But seeking out a certain breed? It's odd.

Whats odd about seeking out a certain breed? Like a working dog in an apartment would be stupid right? Or would you suggest people research the breed and get an appropriate breed for their situation?

I wouldn't sustain a friendship with someone

Might be a bullet dodged for the individual. I think being judgemental of others choices over what suits their life better a worse trait. And to hate on an animal simply because of its looks...mmm ok. I'm sure you're a stunner too.

FawnFrenchieMum · 12/04/2023 06:42

DangerNoodles · 10/04/2023 10:41

In your shoes OP I would be wondering why a 'desirable' breed like a Frenchie is in a shelter, even from a puppy farm it wouldn't have been cheap. Frenchies are notoriously hard to train and often face expensive health problems. I'm a cat person so I don't have experience of dog shelters but when I was going through the adoption process I found that one or two shelters were so over run that they were quite pushy and trying to get us to take on cats that were not a good fit for our family. I don't know if dog shelters are the same, but I would want answers before taking the dog on, I suspect this dog is either out of control or poorly.

Your friend is blunt but I think her advice may save you trouble down the line.

A few years ago I’d have agreed with you but being involved with fostering for a Frenchie rescue, lots and lots of them are lovely dogs. They are either ex breeding dogs them self, rescued or dumped once they have finished with them or they were got in lockdown as a fashion accessory and have now realised they don’t have time for them.

Frenchies are stubborn and hard to train but they are also the most loving and rewarding dogs when you get it right.

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