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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be offended by friends comment

118 replies

yellowbricklane · 09/04/2023 17:49

Hello,

For the past couple of years, I have been considering getting a family dog and have looked across many dog rescue shelters and gone through the appropriate verifications. I have fallen in love with a French bulldog and currently going through the process in getting the dog into our home. I told a very good friend of mine, who has always known that I've always wanted a dog (since growing up with them during childhood) and has been supportive. But she disapproves of our chosen dog. She said the following "I don't regard French bulldogs as proper dogs, they are more like designer handbags. I have never seen one run around or behave like normal dogs do. They are quite pretty to look at but that's all they are. A walking deformed handbag . If that's what your after- go ahead and add it to your bag collection. But if you want a normal dog then I suggest you look elsewhere".

I find her comment very offensive. She has always been blunt, which I love her for and she is the only friend that tells me how it is. I honestly did not understand what she was trying to imply with her comment. At times, I feel like she drains on my happiness, any good things or opportunities that come my way she always puts a downer. How should
I respond? I didn't say anything when she said, but I want to tell how I truly feel. What do you all think

OP posts:

Mincedpies · 09/04/2023 18:50

You can be as offended as you want but Frenchies are riddled with health problems. As a breed it’s cruel to continue breeding them. I know you’re rescuing rather than buying but your friend is right in her assessment.

PP have commented that their Frenchies have no health problems but trust me, they will. I wish I was wrong writing that but I’m not 😔

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 18:53

Yeah... not the best breed, tbh.
Do yourself a favour & REALLY look into the breed so it won't have to be returned to the rescue.

BeetleBailey · 09/04/2023 18:54

Are they the breed that looks as though it's walked into a bollard?

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/04/2023 18:58

She has a point.

And taking on one of them does encourage the breeding of them.

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 18:59

She was rude, but right.
French bulldogs are bred for deformities that cause them to suffer. If you buy one you're supporting their continued produiction by puppy farms.

HanSB · 09/04/2023 19:00

I think your friend could have put it more kindly but it is true what she says. You will have to expect the breed to live around 5 years, have many health problems. They are a breed that would not exist without human intervention as they require caesarians to give birth. Overall it’s not a breed that should be supported but have become trendy and that’s why she has described it as a handbag dog, treated like a fashion accessory compared to say a working dog breed

Messyhair321 · 09/04/2023 19:05

If you're getting a french bulldog even a rescue I'd get a very good insurance policy, they notoriously have disc problems & it costs a lot of money to rectify.

Grumpi · 09/04/2023 19:09

WTAF is up with the people on this thread?

The dog already fucking exists. It’s an adoption of a rescue dog. What is the point in saying half the shite that’s been said “she’s not wrong” - what she’s not wrong that the dog looks like a handbag? The dog doesn’t look like a handbag. I’ve never mistakenly picked one up in the park thinking it was my clutch.
I think cockapoos look like Will Ferrel but they’re clearly not Will Ferrel are they.

OP, you’re going about it the right way, adopting rather than buying a puppy. Of course you should research the breed but you should do that regarding ANY breed, even the middle class wankers and their chocolate labs and cockapoos should be researching.

Puppy breeding is abhorrent but the issue already exists. So the pointless comments upthread about “over breeding” are pointless. Someone needs to adopt them, what is the alternative? Let them all die in shelters?

Your friend sounds like one of those “take me as I am” arseholes who confuse being offensive with being honest. They were absolutely offensive, entitled to their opinion of course but being entitled to think what you like and then being entitled to voice your opinion are different things entirely

UsingChangeofName · 09/04/2023 19:10

Beelezebub · 09/04/2023 18:30

Why is everyone offended these days? It’s a dog. That you don’t have yet. She voiced an opinion, you don’t agree and probably find how she said it a bit rude or unwarranted (I personally would have found that wording unnecessarily to the point). And now you’re offended. She hasn’t said anything about you personally or said anything offensive at all.

Can someone pass me a teacup? I need to put a storm inside it. Then I’ll carry it up the mountain that is forming from the molehill I can see from the window.

Excellent post.

Grumpi · 09/04/2023 19:12

HanSB · 09/04/2023 19:00

Alternative option then please?

Option for the dogs who already exist and are currently in shelters.

be really interested to hear what should be done with these handbags, if not adopted.

Grumpi · 09/04/2023 19:13

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 18:59

She was rude, but right.
French bulldogs are bred for deformities that cause them to suffer. If you buy one you're supporting their continued produiction by puppy farms.

GO back and read the thread FFS

ITS A RESCUE

sadsack78 · 09/04/2023 19:13

As others have said, this breed of dog has a set of health problems and ethical issues around it. However, you are rescuing a dog from a shelter, therefore not giving money to a breeder who will continue the practice.

Tbh honest the most important thing when adopting is making sure you're a good fit with the animal, that you can take good care of them for years to come and you have the right kind of home for their needs and temperament.

It sounds like you've taken a lot of care to think this through. If you can give that dog a happy life and you're prepared to take it to the vet and walk it, then go ahead.

You mentioned your friend often rains on your parade. In a backhanded kind of way, maybe this is a sign you're making a good decision that will make you happy? I doubt she'd take the time to moan and make you feel like shit if she thought you were doing something that would make you unhappy and ergo as unhappy as her, where she wants you to be!

Grumpi · 09/04/2023 19:15

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/04/2023 18:58

She has a point.

And taking on one of them does encourage the breeding of them.

So put them all to sleep then?

Genuinely interested in the alternative to adoptions?

leave them all in kennels to die without a family, or maybe let them be adopted on the provision they don’t walk them outside in public as to not support the breed

PlantKi1ler · 09/04/2023 19:18

French bulldogs are known to have health problems because of the way they have been bred to look. But I think her comments are really harsh considering the dog is a rescue.

IDKandIDC · 09/04/2023 19:19

Your friend is right, they are a trendy breed that is being bred to their own detriment.

saraclara · 09/04/2023 19:20

I think this is due to how many die young that brings the average age right down. If they have got past the first year or two. Then they are likely to live to 7-9.

Oh, well that's okay then 🙄
I'm not sure what point you thought you were making there, but it's probably not the one you intended @FawnFrenchieMum .

EmotionalSupportHyena · 09/04/2023 19:22

She’s pretty blunt but not wrong.

Make sure you have super duper insurance because they are prone to back issues as well as breathing problems. Cost one of my mates a fortune!

https://sevneurology.com/blog/french-bulldog-ivdd/

Adoption means there is nothing morally wrong in your choice of quirky pup though.

5 Things Every French Bulldog Owner Needs To Know About IVDD | Southeast Veterinary Neurology

French bulldogs are known for developing intervertebral disc disease (IVDD). Our vet neurologist explains how to give your dog the best chance for recovery.

https://sevneurology.com/blog/french-bulldog-ivdd/

OriginalUsername2 · 09/04/2023 19:22

I agree with her. They literally look and sound deformed because they are.

ToWhitToWhoo · 09/04/2023 19:30

Is she aware that this is a rescue dog? If you were buying it from a breeder, I think she'd have a point, as they are often bred to be very unhealthy, with serious breathing problems, and this should not be encouraged. But this issue does not apply to a rescue dog!

saraclara · 09/04/2023 19:41

I was appalled that my brother bought a French bulldog. But I've not said anything because it was done and dusted before I found out, and we don't see each other often, so that kind of conversation isn't something I'd want to have.
If I knew that a friend was intending getting one, I'd express my surprise, and my concerns for such a dog's quality of life. But if it was a rescue, I'd probably keep my trap shut, or at least only mention the problems from the perspective of how the friend would manage them.

But I'd love to see the breed become extinct. Those poor dogs...

FawnFrenchieMum · 09/04/2023 20:07

saraclara · 09/04/2023 19:20

I think this is due to how many die young that brings the average age right down. If they have got past the first year or two. Then they are likely to live to 7-9.

Oh, well that's okay then 🙄
I'm not sure what point you thought you were making there, but it's probably not the one you intended @FawnFrenchieMum .

I was meaning if it’s a rescue, it’s probably past the risk of a premature death. I was not saying this isn’t an awful thing in its own right. I was talking about this specific dog. You will see from my other comments. I am involved with fostering for a frenchy rescue so well aware of the issues with mis-breeding.

SkyeBlue28 · 09/04/2023 20:12

I think your friend was rude. If you have fallen in love with a dog then you should go for it. It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into it. I’m not a dog person so I know nothing about French bulldogs. If there are drawbacks to that breed of dog I think it’s ok for a friend to have a chat with you about them. However your friend was very blunt and rude.

YouOKHun · 09/04/2023 20:14

Well done in going for a rescue dog and clearly doing your research - I wish others would be as thorough. I expect your potential rescue dog is the victim of someone who didn’t think it through and found out their new fashion accessory was quite hard work. There are lots of responsible French Bulldog owners of course but FBs have attracted the wrong people recently, with Lockdown increasing the amount of cruelty and subsequently rejected dogs. I read somewhere that fashionable small breeds have been particular victims.

I do agree with your friend to a point though it sounds more like she likes to bring you down than have an honest conversation. I have to say that I’ve seen some FBs really suffer with all sorts of problems from an early age and they can be very expensive to insure. You may spend a lot of money at the vets on a regular basis. But if you’ve done your research you’ll know that and be ready for it.

If I had my way no one would be allowed to breed dogs in a way that introduced such potential suffering and there are some breed that should be allowed to die out.

chocolatemademefat · 09/04/2023 20:17

Well she was definitely lying about them being pretty. They’re not. Why do you put so much emphasis on her opinion anyway? Do you REALLY want this dog if her thoughts on it matter?

SardineStitches · 09/04/2023 20:20

And I hope you can afford the vet's bills OP

I've got 4. Only vet bills have been desexing and vaccinations... Just because they are a certain breed doesn't mean the automatically have issues.
But this is always a call card for those with no experience with the breed.

They’ve been over breed and have numerous health problems

I guess finding a good breeder can avoid this.. Like with any breed. Any badly bred dog of any breed can have issues. My 4 don't. But the comments on this thread by those who have know idea apart from the bad stories they've read are humerous. I'd only be concerned by the one in the OP as it is a rescue and so the breeder and breeding is unknown. It may well have been surrendered due to the individual health of that dog not just because of its breed.

My 4 are like normal dogs, not sure why they wouldn't be. They play with each other and are lovely natured dogs. Eldest is almost 7 and none of them have any health issues. Many people including some vets believe any frenchie has issues just because they are frenchies. I have had the odd vet tell me they need airway surgery when they don't simply because of the breed they are, not because it's required.
There are a lot of dog breeds that can have well known issues for their specific breed but that doesn't mean they all do. I also have cavaliers who are known to have heart conditions, mine don't and they're 10. Never had a problem. Though I have seen those awful oodle mixes needing to be put down due to the issues common to the other breed it's bred with even though an oodle breeder promises that by crossing them and making a mutt they won't have these issues. A good friend had a cavoodle that died due to the heart condition common to cavaliers... But no one mentions those issues, oodle mutts are for some reason popular and people pay thousands to dodgy backyard breeders (as an oodle isn't a breed and are not bred by reputable registered breeders) for the privilege of owning the mess and that seems more acceptable than people buying whatever breed suits their lifestyle from a good breeder... Sure that makes sense.

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