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Original poster

To be offended by friends comment

118 replies

yellowbricklane · 09/04/2023 17:49

Hello,

For the past couple of years, I have been considering getting a family dog and have looked across many dog rescue shelters and gone through the appropriate verifications. I have fallen in love with a French bulldog and currently going through the process in getting the dog into our home. I told a very good friend of mine, who has always known that I've always wanted a dog (since growing up with them during childhood) and has been supportive. But she disapproves of our chosen dog. She said the following "I don't regard French bulldogs as proper dogs, they are more like designer handbags. I have never seen one run around or behave like normal dogs do. They are quite pretty to look at but that's all they are. A walking deformed handbag Confused. If that's what your after- go ahead and add it to your bag collection. But if you want a normal dog then I suggest you look elsewhere".

I find her comment very offensive. She has always been blunt, which I love her for and she is the only friend that tells me how it is. I honestly did not understand what she was trying to imply with her comment. At times, I feel like she drains on my happiness, any good things or opportunities that come my way she always puts a downer. How should
I respond? I didn't say anything when she said, but I want to tell how I truly feel. What do you all think

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 09/04/2023 18:14

I agree with your pal. And if this was a puppy, you'd be getting it with both barrels on here you still might but since this poor wee wretch is in fact a rescue and already HERE, I hope you give it a good, (if probably brief and riddle with ill-health), life.

grivelling · 09/04/2023 18:15

I agree with her. I don't think a true animal lover would get a dog like that because if all the concerns around their health, it's fuelling a breeding programme that shouldn't exist.

mbosnz · 09/04/2023 18:15

I hope you're planning on getting very well acquainted with your vet!

IntheJingelyJangelyJungle · 09/04/2023 18:17

Another rescue Frenchie owner here! Never thought I’d have one but we got asked 3 years ago to foster in a crisis and would never go back. For us the perfect dog (6yo and 9yo children). Very playful, loves her walk, can and does run faster than any of us and a very funny individual personality. However she also loves a long sleep and can happily forsake a walk for a day or two. She came to use aged 5 and shows no signs of slowing down. They need a lot of company though. They are companion dogs so really don’t like being alone for long periods.

As a breed they are food obsessed- so with their best big eyes adoring begging face they are at risk of weight issues. We have a ‘fed’ sheet to tick on the fridge or she would convince anyone she is starving/ hasn’t been fed.

Do be mindful of vet costs for rescues as they are prone to issues. Ours has had x2 eye ulcers and at risk of ongoing back issues (spinal surgery as a 2yo), neither of which are covered on insurance as pre-existing conditions. Airway surgery (BOAS surgery) can be extremely expensive and, again, not typically insured. Thankfully ours has no airway issues at all but I see lots of overweight inactive very flat faced Frenchies wheezing around the place…

Ignore your friends comments. She sounds smug and patronising AF… and somewhat ignorant about the breed. I’d point out to her that opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one but they don’t need to show it to everyone.

IntheJingelyJangelyJungle · 09/04/2023 18:20

Ps I do agree we shouldn’t be encouraging breeders by actively seeking Frenchies btw. I wouldn’t buy a Frenchie from a breeder (or lots of other breeds-mini Daschunds etc)… But that’s not a reason to leave existing dogs in a rescue shelter if you can offer them a good home.

Redebs · 09/04/2023 18:20

grivelling · 09/04/2023 18:15

I agree with her. I don't think a true animal lover would get a dog like that because if all the concerns around their health, it's fuelling a breeding programme that shouldn't exist.

Absolutely
And I hope you can afford the vet's bills OP

DrGregHouseFan · 09/04/2023 18:22

I have a long nosed frenchie so his breathing is a lot better than a flat faced one. He acts like a normal dog, gets the zoomies & his little legs go to fast that he ends up skidding like something from scooby doo.

But I recognise there’s a lot of bad breeding with frenchies a bit like pugs & it’s cruel. I wouldn’t get another dog after my frenchie but that’s nothing to do with the breed. It’s just a lot of commitment & hard to plan things around a dog. We love him though.

They are full of character & make good pets for kids. They love being with you & are like babies. Congratulations x

gloriousmulch · 09/04/2023 18:24

Well you did say she was blunt OP so she’s probably just being true to form! If you don’t think she has a valid point, shrug it off
and get on with your plans.

rwalker · 09/04/2023 18:27

They’ve been over breed and have numerous health problems it’s cruel
sooner the fashion for they dies out the better

furryfrontbottom · 09/04/2023 18:28

Your friend is being absurd, those things are not the least bit pretty.

Iwasafool · 09/04/2023 18:29

I know someone with a French Bulldog, personally I don't find them attractive but her dog is healthy, runs round, has a lovely nature and no breathing problems, possibly because she doesn't have a very flat face. The dog is 8 or 9 and they've had no health issues with her and they had her as a rescue when she was young.

Qhaecciarr · 09/04/2023 18:29

I freely admit to being a bit of a Judgy McJudgypants when it comes to breeding dogs for profit as a general rule (and especially breeds like Frenchies, who are deliberately bred with deformities affecting their quality of life by people who claim to be dog lovers) but since you're adopting not buying a puppy, how can you be judged negatively? Remind your friend that adopting a dog is a great way to make sure you're giving a dog who needs a loving home just that, and since your dog expenses are non of her business she can feel free to keep her mouth shut going forwards. Enjoy your new doggy friend!

Beelezebub · 09/04/2023 18:30

Why is everyone offended these days? It’s a dog. That you don’t have yet. She voiced an opinion, you don’t agree and probably find how she said it a bit rude or unwarranted (I personally would have found that wording unnecessarily to the point). And now you’re offended. She hasn’t said anything about you personally or said anything offensive at all.

Can someone pass me a teacup? I need to put a storm inside it. Then I’ll carry it up the mountain that is forming from the molehill I can see from the window.

mybeautifuloak · 09/04/2023 18:31

QueenSmartypants · 09/04/2023 17:57

I wouldn't put it like your friend has at all and find the comparison ott but she has a point. I believe the breeding of French bulldogs should be totally overhauled, its utterly cruel to the poor creatures and I think anyone who opts to get a puppy Frenchie is contributing to - and continuing- the cruelty.

The breeding is only done because of aesthetic trends hence where her comments of designer handbags come in.

I'm sorry, but I actually find the continued breeding of these dogs with their dreadful disabilities offensive.

So you would rather the rescues are PTS?

Iwasafool · 09/04/2023 18:32

Sarvanga38 · 09/04/2023 18:05

Have to say, her comments are pretty spot-on, even if you don’t like them. Would you not rather be very clear what you’re asking on before you choose this breed to rescue? You will certainly need to make sure you have very good insurance, which won’t be cheap.

(The thing I find interesting is that dogs don’t even seem to recognise French Bulldogs as dogs - very odd.)

In what way don't other dogs recognise them as dogs? If I go for a walk with friend and her French Bulldog other dogs react just like they used to react to my collie.

Dibbydoos · 09/04/2023 18:36

Of course, they behave like normal dogs cos they are a dog, how bloody ridiculous.

Bless you for saving that little Frenchie, I hope you're really happy together.

Your DF has an opinion, its just that. Don't dwell on it, it's irrelevant.

ladydimitrescu · 09/04/2023 18:36

Well she was blunt but she's not wrong.
Frenchies are hideously bred and riddled with health problems. They can barely breathe and they don't act like normal dogs because they can't.

oneleggedspider · 09/04/2023 18:39

They can be difficult/ expensive to get insurance for, but if you're prepared for the vets bills and its a rescue animal then take no notice of her. It's better with a loving home than stuck in a shelter.

MissingMoominMamma · 09/04/2023 18:40

Thank you for rescuing, rather than buying from a breeder.

Maybe point out to your friend that if people didn’t rescue dogs, they’d spend their lives in kennels.

lljkk · 09/04/2023 18:43

At times, I feel like she drains on my happiness, any good things or opportunities that come my way she always puts a downer. How should
I respond?

This is Key part of OP ... is she a fun supportive friend in other ways? Can she ever praise or be happy or see positives? You also say you appreciate her bluntness. But not worthwhile if it's at expense of your own wellbeing.

supersop60 · 09/04/2023 18:45

You say 'Nevertheless....'
Presumably you have researched to breed problems, and you are doing a good thing by rescuing one.

happyumwelt · 09/04/2023 18:45

I agree with her tbh, but do understand that you are rescuing, rather than buying, and that does make a difference - it isn't the dog's fault and he deserves a home.

The family of a girl my dd went to primary school with bred from their French bulldog and all of the puppies died because they were unable to breathe. It was shocking, but they just shrugged it off.

My dogs won't interact with French bulldogs - they actively avoid them.

I'd be prepared for vet bills and possibly some open judgement from other dog owners.

MissMaple82 · 09/04/2023 18:45

French bulldogs are bloody awful dogs. I don't know ant that are well behaved either

SwishSwishBisch · 09/04/2023 18:47

Everyone seems to be focusing on your friends critique of the breed, which isn’t even the crux of your post.

A blunt friend can be extremely valuable at times, but if her input is regularly making you feel low about things (which are frankly none of her business) then I do think you need to speak up.
If she’s always as plain spoken as she is with you, she shouldn’t object to being challenged on her phrasing as I’m sure you won’t be the first person to call her out on it.
”Thank you for your opinion but I don’t find the negative angle you’ve taken constructive, so let’s just leave it” or something like that. You’re better positioned than any of us on how to word it.

HappyMe6 · 09/04/2023 18:49

While I think they are cute we have friends that have got them, it breaks my heart when I hear them struggling to breathe in the heat, so I wouldn’t have one myself simply cos of the breathing difficulties a lot face

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