Is it just my husband who can't...

[Silverbook]

plan or organise anything. Literally anything. It's so f@cking infuriating. I plan and organise everything - house/life admin, food, all finances, shopping, DC childcare, holidays, day trips, vet, car, house & garden upkeep etc If it's relevant we both work FT. Financially we contribute equally.

I often wonder what his life would look like if i wasn't here. I asked him once and he said that he's plan things then but why do it when I was able to. Part of me want to just stop but I don't want DC (or me!) to miss out

Overall he is a caring, hands on and hard working dad. I'm not disputing that but he is so unintentionally selfish with his lack of thought it drives me up the wall. I'm actually not even sure it is selfishness, he just seems happy to coast along and have no experiences whereas I really value experiences.

So next weekend I've booked short city break just for me and DC. I am aware of how petty this is but I'm so hacked off with him benefitting from everything.

I had to work mega early the other week, for the first time since DS started school, so I'd asked the school if DH could take him to breakfast club, which wasn't a problem. DH told me that he'd stick with his routine and drop him normal time. I had a call at just after 8am asking why the school gate was locked. I told him that he doesn't start school til 8.30, to which he responded he thought it was 8am! We never leave the bloody house til 8.15...completely oblivious!!

This is also my DH 100%!! I love him immensely and he is funny, kind and caring ….but I do everything! I’m the one who drives our lives forward in every way. If it was up to him we’d still be in our first house with no kids and not married. He’s a coaster and I’m a do-er. Ive come to realise , as someone else has said, that I can’t change him - we’ve talked and occasionally argued about it - but I’m just trying to make peace with it. It is extremely bloody annoying tho!

My ex was like this. I'd be run ragged organising the family, all the life admin... while he did sweet FA.

After we divorced and he got his own place, he miraculously improved. Mows the lawn, paints the shed... all the things I was constantly nagging about. His kitchen is still a mess though and I still do all the kids' school and club admin.

That said, I recently saw a relationship coach talking about confirmation bias and how, once you've decided DH is a lazy slob, you look for behaviour which proves your view. I realised that my ex actually used to cook dinner every night and put the kids to bed. It was right for us to split but, in hindsight, he wasn't the total Homer Simpson slob I saw him as being...

OH doesn't like hot places so I told him last year he had to organise our holiday as I hadn't. Next day he expected me to be ready and after a bit of frantic packing I found us in a b&b at Llandudno. A couple of days wandering on the prom and pier was followed by a drive to Blackpool for similar followed by Bridlington and so on. A little over two weeks trailing around seaside towns, he likes visiting piers and walking by the prom. This was followed a couple of weeks later with a week in a holiday camp with the grandchildren. Wasn't what I would have organised, but I did ask. If I hadn't pushed he'd have been happy down the allotment.

My husband is very much like this - however I cannot fault him in any other area of life and I’m quite happy planning everything and sorting everything because I probably do it better hahaha. Sometimes if things get too much I do ask him to help with something and he will. Although I do find it annoying that the weight of all the worries usually falls on my shoulders because I sort everything!

Is my husband out of order or am
i being too sensitive?

he said “please don’t get really upset with what I’m about to say but the dress you have on makes your tummy look really bloated”
he then suggested I got changed, I was abit annoyed but rather than apologise further he got very angry and said that he was trying to help me as he knows I worry about how I look, he said “what do you want me to do not bother next time and lie to you instead”

I'm sorry OP. Maybe you could give him something to take ownership of. It won't happen unless he does it, sort of thing. What about a task list with jobs split on there? He needs to see how big your workload is.

I'll bet he's lazy in the workplace too. Have you ever met any of his colleagues? I found out at my ex husband's Christmas works do how difficult he was to work with. It was a real eye opener to find out he was coasting there and at home.