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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
amiold · 09/04/2023 17:50

I wonder if they'd have usually ordered champagne if they were paying themselves.

Cozzadelsol · 09/04/2023 18:02

I find anyone on this post who thinks what they did was OK, absolutely baffling!!

Your friend takes you for a nice lunch, regardless of where the lunch was, Manhattan, London, Timbukfuckingtu.

You then repay their generosity after they have gone back to work, scamming them for more, a couple of glasses of champagne and dessert, whatever.

They are NOT your friends OP

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 18:04

Tandora · 09/04/2023 17:43

Not sure why you have to resort to personal insults when confronted with a perspective that differs from your own…

Show quote history

I didn’t mean to insult you - I genuinely thought this might have been written by a young person who thought it wild to pay $300 for lunch. I apologise.

aloris · 09/04/2023 18:05

It's not a business lunch so why would your work pay? It would be fraudulent. Surely your friends recognise what an awkward position it would put you in, if you tried to pass off your social lunch as a business lunch. You could even be fired. That alone should have stopped them.

JudgeRudy · 09/04/2023 18:16

CFs and liars. I do not believe any of that nonsense for a minute. In situations like this my rule is to bounce it back to the offender. If communication is by text this gives you 'thinking time'. Let's them come up with a 100 convoluted explanations, but ultimately it's a case of "lm really not understanding this room tab thing, but it doesn't really matter...lm out £170 for your drinks/deserts which presumably you intended to pay for. The hotel has been paid so you just need to reimburseme me and the 'mix up' is sorted. What's your plan?"

I doubt you'll get it but you might get some. Chalk this up to experience.

321user123 · 09/04/2023 18:45

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:15

Good for you. I still don’t think that it can be assumed for the average person (teacher) that if they saved the cost of lunch they obviously must have 70£ to spare.

Show quote history

I’m sorry, but then don’t spend money you don’t have?
where I come from I only spend what I can afford.

Why so many on this thread feel entitled to OPs money?

Ktime · 09/04/2023 18:51

Please make sure you get the money, OP.

Also, I would be complaining to the hotel for allowing people to charge drinks to your when you weren’t even there. Is that normal?

CementTrucker · 09/04/2023 19:15

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 16:04

I don't understand how @Tandora thinks it's tacky and ostentatious to buy a nice lunch for her friends, but that it stops being tacky and ostentatious if she's prepared to shell out another $140 for stuff they'd sneaked onto her room account.

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I’m not following the logic either, but there seems to be a sense of the op getting what she deserves if she’s vulgar enough to treat her friends to a good meal. Hence, if you’re going to spend $300+ it’s rude to quibble over more.

My top tip for those who feel uncomfortable or insulted by someone spending on you is to politely decline, not accept the offer and then take advantage by racking up another bill.

321user123 · 09/04/2023 19:19

Acheyknees · 09/04/2023 16:07

It's irrelevant whether the meal cost 30 dollars, 300 dollars or 3000 dollars! OP had left them to go back to work. Why would they order champagne and desserts if they couldn't afford to pay? Why is it OK for OP or the company to pay? Why not order a coke or coffee if they wanted to stay. It's obvious they ordered champagne because someone else was paying!

THIS!
But also.. everyone going on about this wealth disparity and bla bla bla.

Did everyone forgot that OP said that the friends weren’t given the chance to pay which then should mean they intended to not pay and therefore should be coughing up the money stat?!

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 19:21

Haven't RTFT, but I wouldn't WANT to accept their damn money now.
It's worth it to get rid of false thieving 'friends.'

Pinkishpurpleyblue · 09/04/2023 19:22

Have they not replied yet OP?

AcrobaticCardigan · 09/04/2023 19:35

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 09/04/2023 11:33

"Then when I queried the amount, they said they had 'asked me if they could stay'... but I'm not sure what that has to do with them charging things to my room...?"

They've assumed that your company have paid the bill for lunch, not you.

It sounds like she's asked "are we ok to stay for a couple in the bar afterwards?" Thinking it would be covered by your room bill, and you've said "yes, of course" wondering why she was asking your permission.

It's possible it's a misunderstanding. Of course you know your company wouldn't pay for them but they probably think it's all glamour and flashing the cash working for a big bank in NYC. After all, you invited them to meet you in the 5 star hotel you were staying at and splurged on a 300 dollar lunch whilst talking to two teachers about tech budgets in the banking industry.

They've been impressed by your hotel, excited to be on their trip and amazed at the "perks of your job"

100% this!

They’re your friends OP. You know them, their general attitudes and what they’re like. Is the type of behaviour you’d expect from them? If not it’s perhaps worth a conversation. I do think when they asked if they could stay for a drink, they assumed it would be added to the tab - that’s why they asked! However, I do think a further dessert and champagne is overdoing it somewhat. I have read your posts, but I do wonder if by saying work covers the hotel they have assumed it extends to food & drink spends in the hotel and misunderstood what you said about you covering the meal. They still may have thought it was on expenses.

I say this, as I couldn’t imagine ordering champagne and a second dessert on a friends tab, even if they were loaded.

washinwashoutrepeat · 09/04/2023 19:36

Beyond rude of them. They had to sign for it, which clearly shows that they were aware.

And anything other than a 'I'm so sorry!!! Let me send you the money immediately!' is unacceptable. Regardless of time difference. (I could not sleep until it was settled, personally).

I could not get past this, tbh

Anniegetyourgun · 09/04/2023 19:57

I can't get my head round the OP's DH expecting her to even want to remain friends with a pair of thieving CFs. Mind you I can imagine my XH making some similar remark, but I couldn't get my head round a lot of the things he said either...

It's doubly depressing that the light-fingered friends are teachers. I hope they're not teaching ethics or citizenship classes to a set of impressionable youngsters - or if they are, that they are teaching them the right thing to do rather than what they would do themselves. Sometimes hypocrisy is the lesser of two evils.

Mothership4two · 09/04/2023 19:59

321user123 · 09/04/2023 18:45

I’m sorry, but then don’t spend money you don’t have?
where I come from I only spend what I can afford.

Why so many on this thread feel entitled to OPs money?

Show quote history

Lots of jumping through hoops trying to make excuses for them where there really is no justifying what they did.

Blondewithredlips · 09/04/2023 20:04

It looks like an act of dishonesty. I would be reporting to their employers in UK if they are teachers.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/04/2023 20:04

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 19:21

Haven't RTFT, but I wouldn't WANT to accept their damn money now.
It's worth it to get rid of false thieving 'friends.'

Accept the damn money AND get rid of the false thieving 'friends'

321user123 · 09/04/2023 20:11

Mothership4two · 09/04/2023 19:59

Lots of jumping through hoops trying to make excuses for them where there really is no justifying what they did.

Show quote history

Exactly. Absolutely bonkers.

invoicing the “friends CF”and going no contact after for me.

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 20:13

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/04/2023 17:22

Oooh so much victim blaming here...

She chose the hotel because its the hotel she is staying at - I assume using that hotel meant more time to see friends given the OP was working, and not on holiday. She hasn't randomly picked a really expensive hotel restaurant!

OP made it bloody clear only her room was on expenses - the fact she charged the meal to her room does not mean the meal was included in her expenses - I know when I used to check out of a hotel I'd have the bill split between company card and my own card, so anything I had charged to the room for the sake of convenience was covered personally.

CF's then go to a totally seperate bar and charge to her room, to do this they've signed in her name... thats not an accident, that cannot BE an accident. That was intentional.

If by some wild stretch of the imagination it were accidental, in the giddy throws of a holiday drunken spree... when you sober up that same day you realise, contact friend, apologise and send money... You don't STFU and hope you get away with it unless you're a cunty fucker.

So either way... these two are a pair of cunty fuckers.

CF's then go to a totally seperate bar and charge to her room, to do this they've signed in her name... thats not an accident, that cannot BE an accident. That was intentional.

Intentional.

And fraudulent.

Not sure why you have to resort to personal insults when confronted with a perspective that differs from your own…

Not an insult @Tandora - a speculation based on observation.

i consider myself very privileged, so have no reason to feel jealous.

Nobody said you were jealous. @BlueHeelers said "envious". It's not the same thing.

Bunnichick · 09/04/2023 20:13

Have you heard from them OP?

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 20:21

321user123 · 09/04/2023 19:19

THIS!
But also.. everyone going on about this wealth disparity and bla bla bla.

Did everyone forgot that OP said that the friends weren’t given the chance to pay which then should mean they intended to not pay and therefore should be coughing up the money stat?!

Show quote history

Exactly!

If they had genuinely intended to pay they would have texted "Sorry - our bar bill was erroneously charged to your room. Please send your bank details and we'll transfer the money asap"

If they genuinely forgot then as soon as OP pointed it out they would have been mortified and again just asked for details to make the bank transfer. They wouldn't be slithering around like a paired of greased eels trying to avoid paying.

1offnamechange · 09/04/2023 20:37

Just to clarify - in order to charge things to the room, would they have had to say your name, or just the room number. Doesn't make a difference in terms of them being cheeky fuckers, but from the hotel's POV, if you only have to mention a room number to get away with not paying it doesn't seem very secure! Anyone could just walk off the street and say 'Oh charge my bill to room 20!'

Bethany7 · 09/04/2023 20:42

That is so very cheeky indeed anyway but you had also just kindly paid for their lunch out of your own pocket?!?
Incredibly rude indeed.
Please do update us and let us know if they pay up.

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2023 20:50

aloris · 09/04/2023 18:05

It's not a business lunch so why would your work pay? It would be fraudulent. Surely your friends recognise what an awkward position it would put you in, if you tried to pass off your social lunch as a business lunch. You could even be fired. That alone should have stopped them.

Absolutely. The financial services sector is actually very hot on this - put crassly, if you can’t be trusted to be honest with small sums of money like expenses, how on earth can you be trusted to manage large sums of money for others? They’re obviously not stupid women, nor are they kids. No excuse for that behaviour.

Daftasyoulike · 09/04/2023 20:57

Disgraceful behaviour on the part of so called friends, although I can't help wondering why you didn't refuse to pay it OP? I would have asked to see the signed bill, and then said that's not my signature, and I didn't authorise it, so please can you take it off my bill. It would then be up to the hotel to prove that you had given your agreement, which you clearly didn't.