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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband right to be embarrassed when I serve soup for lunch to guests

467 replies

MusicLass · 09/04/2023 06:44

This is a bit of a long-running joke in our house, but underpinned by genuine feelingsā€¦

i like making soups from scratch (E.g vegetable, lentil, minestrone) and try to make them tasty, nutritious and filling. For some visitors I make soups for lunch or dinner, for the same reasons above, plus I can make them in advance and just reheat giving me more time to be attentive to guests. I also either bake or buy nice bread and butter to go with the soup. Something for pudding would be offered too.

DH gets embarrassed when I serve soup to guests, saying itā€™s not proper food and itā€™s not being hospitable. He would expect a pasta or rice dish round someoneā€™s house, or meat.

He happily eats soup when itā€™s just us as a family.

AIBU to serve soup to guests? Or is he right? Generally he is more sensitive about social etiquette than me. Heā€™s also from a Mediterranean culture, which could be a factor here.

Thanks for reading and helping us to settle this!

OP posts:
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9
Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 08:57

I think it sounds lovely! I don't get why anyone wouldn't want a hearty soup with lovely bread and butter. It's just as filling as anything else due to the bread and I'd imagine very tasty.

But I'm vegetarian, perhaps meat eaters who like meat with every meal would find it lacking. Although no one needs meat for every meal.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 09/04/2023 08:58

Lunch or unexpected guest fine, invited for dinner? pretty poor form.

notacooldad · 09/04/2023 08:58

Sounds delicious. Nothing nicer than homemade soup!
There really is loads of stuff much nicer than soup, homemade or otherwisšŸ¤‘

Awful?? Jesus Christ. Surely a starting point for someone else cooking for you is gratitude. Even if itā€™s not perfectly to your taste or habits?
I said it was awful and I'm standing by my comment. I don't like soup. My friends know I don't like soup. I never order it or make it. Why should I show gratitude for something I hate and people know I hate it. Thankfully my friends never serve me soup and flipping things round I never serve them food they dislike.
Does his penis stop him from providing food for guests?
šŸ„± This worn clich!!! Ca t you come up with anything orginal when a man has an oponion or makes a comment about something? If I'm inviting my friends round while dh is working, why would he cook? He is still entitled to an opinion.
Whether I agree with it or not is another thing. If we are both having friends round, he hoovers, cleans everything if it needs doing- clearly his penis doesn't stop him doing that. I prefer to cook and we both have a say on what is being served.

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 08:59

Aprilx · 09/04/2023 08:16

I am sure it was quite clear to all of us that OP is not opening a tin of soup and people are commenting on home made soup. The point is, even home made soup is really not very hard at all and most people make a bit more effort for guests, particularly if inviting them for dinner.

Show quote history

and as i pointed out there are several quite fantastic soups which require hours more in the kitchen than flinging together pasta.

And can be way more filling than some other things people offer.

billy1966 · 09/04/2023 09:00

StillGotBabyBrain · 09/04/2023 08:47

A homemade soup can be amazing. I would do homemade soup as a lunch, served with a plantbased cheese toastie to dip in it, and maybe som houmous somewhere involved šŸ˜‹

I love making soups full of flavour and interesting veggie protein.

My kids' fav meal is my homemade tomato soup with pasta and lentils in it, crusty hot bread to dip in.

I wouldn't serve soup as a tea time meal to guests, though. It's a lunch meal and a substantial one if done well.

I've bought loads of parsnip to make spicy parsnip soup as a starter today, followed by spiced roast califower with tahini sauce and chermoula on a bed of houmous. Can't wait for lunch šŸ˜‹

That sounds so good.

Snoken · 09/04/2023 09:01

I think people who are saying itā€™s a cheap and low-effort meal has a very limited view of soup. The one I make which is a creamy saffron and shellfish soup has 16 ingredients including saffron, mussels, crayfish, prawns, lobster and lobster stock. It takes longer than making a seafood pasta or risotto and is more expensive than most meals I make. That served with levain bread is delicious and very filling.

Dery · 09/04/2023 09:02

Agree with most PP and your DH - soup with lots of crusty bread and some cheese etc - fine for lunch but not for dinner except as a starter. No matter how delicious the soup.

For me - inviting friends to dinner is not just about extending the normal family meal to them, unless itā€™s just part of an eveningā€™s entertainment, it is about making something special and going beyond what we would normally eat. Thatā€™s not from watching Come Dine with Me - Iā€™m in my 50s and for my parentsā€™ generation and mine, I would say that was the norm for a dinner party.

That said - if it bothers your DH so much, he can do the cooking.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 09/04/2023 09:03

That sounds a lovely lunch to me. My DH wouldn't be impressed though and would want something more substantial.

If your DH is from a Mediterranean culture then I think that is probably why he feels that way. Traditionally they do a meze or tapas style meal to share with lots of different things.

As PP's have said - if it bothers him that much he can do some cooking the next time you host!

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 09/04/2023 09:05

I'm just here to salivate over all the amazing soups people make!

SeanMean · 09/04/2023 09:06

I agree with your husband!

Fine for lunch but not ideal and definitely not for dinner!

HuggingtheHRT · 09/04/2023 09:06

Homemade soup and homemade bread for a lunch sounds lovely. (Not for a Sunday lunch or for a dinner - but a nice lunch!)

NatashaDancing · 09/04/2023 09:07

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 09/04/2023 08:58

Lunch or unexpected guest fine, invited for dinner? pretty poor form.

The thread title is

Is my husband right to be embarrassed when I serve soup for lunch to guests.

Of course it's fine.

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 09:07

Snoken · 09/04/2023 09:01

I think people who are saying itā€™s a cheap and low-effort meal has a very limited view of soup. The one I make which is a creamy saffron and shellfish soup has 16 ingredients including saffron, mussels, crayfish, prawns, lobster and lobster stock. It takes longer than making a seafood pasta or risotto and is more expensive than most meals I make. That served with levain bread is delicious and very filling.

that sounds amazing, care to share the recipe?

I think there are a lot of unimaginative posters here, especially the ones going on about minima effort (getting it out of the freezer. Presumably at some point someone had to make it...)

Also I'm surprised at the people wondering why so many answers are "well he can cook" - it seems obvious. If DH wants something other than soup, and OP has planned soup - he can cook something else or shut his yap and be grateful someone cooked something for him (which is, from the OP, not an Oliver Twist style watery gruel)

Silverbook · 09/04/2023 09:07

Homemade soup, bread and dessert is literally my ideal of a perfect lunch and quite often what Iā€™d make to host a casual lunch.

MysteryBelle · 09/04/2023 09:08

I want soup now. Soup and crusty delicious warm bread.

Mirabai · 09/04/2023 09:11

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 09/04/2023 09:03

That sounds a lovely lunch to me. My DH wouldn't be impressed though and would want something more substantial.

If your DH is from a Mediterranean culture then I think that is probably why he feels that way. Traditionally they do a meze or tapas style meal to share with lots of different things.

As PP's have said - if it bothers him that much he can do some cooking the next time you host!

Well thatā€™s Spain. Italy or France 3 courses is standard even for informal meals.

Food and meals are just taken much more seriously in other cultures (not simply mediterranean - itā€™s the same with Asian and Arab cultures) and if you invite someone to your house for a food - a very basic meal is slightly insulting. Thatā€™s why DH is ā€œembarrassedā€.

But equally heā€™s welcome to cook himself!

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 09:12

My late MIL used to make some amazing, and very filling, soups.

I can only think the negative posters on this thread have only eaten the kind of soup you would get as a starter (which would be thinner and less filling), and not had a main meal thick and chunky soup which is more like a stew than a soup.

Rewis · 09/04/2023 09:16

In my culture soup is very much a lunch food. For

Stravaig · 09/04/2023 09:16

Sending a big bowl of love to my fellow soup aficionados, there are some wonderful recipes here x

user1492757084 · 09/04/2023 09:16

If I were to be your guest, that would suit me brilliantly.

I LOVE soup. I love breads and butter with soup. If a main evening meal perhaps adding a salad or savoury muffin and some cheese afterwards.

The other reason, apart from taste, why I love soup is that it is not showy or hard to recipricate that simple meal. I feel confident to invite those people to mine. (I am not a good cook and I would ruin expensive ingredients.)

To wish to enjoy the company of friends rather than slave away in the kitchen is smart thinking.

FluffMagnet · 09/04/2023 09:17

Honestly? I hate most soups, especially anything "chunky". I would eat a bowl to be polite but only a tiny portion so would be starving afterwards. There is also rarely enough protein to keep me full. With soups, everything tastes of the same flavour, so if your guests don't like that flavour, they're stuck. Lunch - well in the UK light lunches are the norm. For dinner with expected guests? Only ok as a starter.

Favouritefruits · 09/04/2023 09:17

Soup is a nice lunch but I kind of agree with not serving soup as an evening meal, itā€™s ok as a starter but if you invite people around I think it needs to be more than a bowl of soup.

Dustyblue · 09/04/2023 09:17

Snoken · 09/04/2023 09:01

I think people who are saying itā€™s a cheap and low-effort meal has a very limited view of soup. The one I make which is a creamy saffron and shellfish soup has 16 ingredients including saffron, mussels, crayfish, prawns, lobster and lobster stock. It takes longer than making a seafood pasta or risotto and is more expensive than most meals I make. That served with levain bread is delicious and very filling.

That almost made me faint with desire. If someone fed that to me at any meal I'd be praising them for life.

Mirabai · 09/04/2023 09:17

Snoken · 09/04/2023 09:01

I think people who are saying itā€™s a cheap and low-effort meal has a very limited view of soup. The one I make which is a creamy saffron and shellfish soup has 16 ingredients including saffron, mussels, crayfish, prawns, lobster and lobster stock. It takes longer than making a seafood pasta or risotto and is more expensive than most meals I make. That served with levain bread is delicious and very filling.

I eat and make homemade soup all the time. There are some fantastic soups - and chicken or seafood soup would cover the protein angle. But OP is making vegetable, lentil and minestrone soup.

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