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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Announced pregnancy.... was told to terminate

81 replies

northeasrer · 09/04/2023 01:44

I had a somewhat close friend who has been messaging me over the last few days over a love issue in his life.

I was a bit short in my responses (just giving smileys or whatever, not being rude) because I'm tired and had nothing else to add.... He bought this up and I responded I'm pregnant.

His response was basically to abort....

I'm really annoyed by this. I'm nearly 40, he's 26, he's a friend I meet travelling, so he's not close.

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 09/04/2023 01:46

This is why the block function on your phone and social media was invented.

Original poster
northeasrer · 09/04/2023 01:48

snitzelvoncrumb · 09/04/2023 01:46

This is why the block function on your phone and social media was invented.

Bang out of order? I made it very clear I would be keeping.

OP posts:
StagsLeap · 09/04/2023 01:49

Make up your mind — first he’s ‘a somewhat close friend’, then ‘not close’. Which is it? If an actual friend responded to my messages about a serious issue with emojis, I’d find it rude. His response seems disproportionate and rather mad, though. Is there something you haven’t said, like a backstory that this is an unwanted or accidental pregnancy?

snitzelvoncrumb · 09/04/2023 01:51

northeasrer · 09/04/2023 01:48

Bang out of order? I made it very clear I would be keeping.

Show quote history

Friends should be happy when you announce your pregnancy. I wouldn’t bother with him.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 01:54

Just block and drop him then since he's not a close friend.
You are nearly 40 and pregnant time to grow up and make some boundaries.

Isittimeformynapyet · 09/04/2023 01:58

What relevance does your being dismissive about his love issues have to his response to your sudden "I'm pregnant" announcement?

Strangely composed OP, OP. Very strange.

Original poster
northeasrer · 09/04/2023 02:00

StagsLeap · 09/04/2023 01:49

Make up your mind — first he’s ‘a somewhat close friend’, then ‘not close’. Which is it? If an actual friend responded to my messages about a serious issue with emojis, I’d find it rude. His response seems disproportionate and rather mad, though. Is there something you haven’t said, like a backstory that this is an unwanted or accidental pregnancy?

I gave him comments/my thoughts, was encouraging.... We had been messaging a lot over it.

Now he's telling me to stop a pregnancy.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2023 02:01

You start off by saying he's a "somewhat close" friend, but then you met through travelling so "not close." So which is it, and what do you give a fuck what they think?

Northernsouloldies · 09/04/2023 02:01

Not always the case. Depending on type of relationship baby in the mix is not always ideal. Op is 40 so surely she knows her own mind and if she's not happy with said friend, tell him too bugger off and his input ain't wanted.

JudgeRudy · 09/04/2023 02:04

Could it be that your friend wondered why you seemed off and you repliec because lm pregnant. Maybe he thought that pregnancy was bad news.
I'm usually quite blunt but whether it was a text or in person I would reserve judgement until I'd established what your plan was. If you had just told me I'm pregnant by text my default setting would be to think that's bad news.
Have you been trying for a baby? Do you have a partner? Do you lead a lifestyle that would lend itself to motherhood? If there's a no to any of these questions I wouldn't expect a 24 year old guy to think otherwise.
He's made a mistake. If he's been an otherwise good friend I wouldn't cur him out...just don't expect him to throw you a baby shower.

Original poster
northeasrer · 09/04/2023 02:04

Isittimeformynapyet · 09/04/2023 01:58

What relevance does your being dismissive about his love issues have to his response to your sudden "I'm pregnant" announcement?

Strangely composed OP, OP. Very strange.

We had been messaging and I left him on read last night because I was pregnant tired. It was nearly 24 hours until I responded (I forgot to message him today) and really thought he would have it figured out in 24 hours. English is also his second language.... so messages can be a bit hard/I change my communication style.

Be picked up on my short answer.... and I said "sorry I'm pregnant, a bit tired". I made it clear I'm not aborting,... he asked how far and if I've told my parents... I stated baby dad is very happy and so am I... and he still said I have time to abort.

OP posts:
MyMumIsOnMN · 09/04/2023 02:04

Unless he's the father of the child, his opinion counts for nothing. I’m surprised someone of your age needs to come to MN to find this out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2023 02:04

There's a piece missing. No one texts someone out of the blue to abort without any context. Unless they are a proper psychopath.

Either he's incredibly angry with you. Or there's something about your situation which means a child would be a terrible idea. Or he actually is a psychopath.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2023 02:05

MyMumIsOnMN · 09/04/2023 02:04

Unless he's the father of the child, his opinion counts for nothing. I’m surprised someone of your age needs to come to MN to find this out.

Even if he is it counts for nothing.

Original poster
northeasrer · 09/04/2023 02:10

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2023 02:04

There's a piece missing. No one texts someone out of the blue to abort without any context. Unless they are a proper psychopath.

Either he's incredibly angry with you. Or there's something about your situation which means a child would be a terrible idea. Or he actually is a psychopath.

He didn't ask anything,... that's what I don't understand.

Im not going to make it public until I know the pregnancy is progressing well etc. he lives in a different city and I'm not on social media so he won't be talking to my family/write it on my feed etc.

He's in this country by himself (refuge form iran) and I've helped him a lot and feel for him. So that's why I said we are sort of close - he's here by himself and not his choice.

OP posts:
MyMumIsOnMN · 09/04/2023 02:14

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2023 02:05

Even if he is it counts for nothing.

Show quote history

I disagree, although we are going off on a tangent. The father of the child is allowed an opinion. Whether the mother is if the same opinion or not is another matter.

MyMumIsOnMN · 09/04/2023 02:16

I can only assume he knows of your two previous terminations and assumed you would follow the same route with this one? Maybe something lost in translation. Could he have misunderstood that you are suggesting he could be the father of the child?

Original poster
northeasrer · 09/04/2023 02:18

MyMumIsOnMN · 09/04/2023 02:16

I can only assume he knows of your two previous terminations and assumed you would follow the same route with this one? Maybe something lost in translation. Could he have misunderstood that you are suggesting he could be the father of the child?

I told him that all concerned were happy..... and no we've not had sex

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 02:21

Perhaps he just thinks you're not mother material, although really it's none of his business, why would you want to remain friendly with someone like that?

Original poster
northeasrer · 09/04/2023 02:35

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 02:21

Perhaps he just thinks you're not mother material, although really it's none of his business, why would you want to remain friendly with someone like that?

Quite rude if he thinks that. I've got a good job, financially stable with my own job, I don't drink, car..... like seriously I've shown him nothing but care.

OP posts:
EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 09/04/2023 02:48

Could it be a response related to his upbringing or religions beliefs? Perhaps beliefs around having children out of wedlock if that applies to your situation? There will be a rational in his own mind for his response, his response isn't about who you are it's about who he is, what he thinks and believes.

FrumptyMumpty · 09/04/2023 03:00

You skirt around the words he used to tell you to abort so I’m wondering if he was basically giving you the typical “going to ruin your life” speech.

It’s not as if a baby’s life is actually hanging in the balance because of his comment.

You met him travelling so the thing that you have in common probably won’t be happening with a baby.

Plus if you’re single a baby is going to be more all consuming.

Not saying that he’s not a total nob but you snubbed his drama, he snubbed your drama.

ZombieMumEB · 09/04/2023 03:00

You obviously weren't giving this man enough of your attention - so his solution is to abort, so you can be more focused on his needs.

What a selfish entitled arse.

Gymnopedie · 09/04/2023 03:22

ZombieMumEB · 09/04/2023 03:00

You obviously weren't giving this man enough of your attention - so his solution is to abort, so you can be more focused on his needs.

What a selfish entitled arse.

Yup, as above. He's clocked that you don't have as much time for him now when you're pregnant, and that you'll have a lot less when the baby is here.

(Does the above also apply to financial support you give him?)

Bloopsie · 09/04/2023 03:27

Why you talking to wierdos, no normal person would advise to take a life in a casual conversation.