To think school lied to demonise my son?

[AnyoneandEveryone]

DS (15) attended a special school for 3 months last year. He had been in mainstream school before then. He has ASD and learning difficulties so had issues with following instructions and inappropriate behaviour which led to bullying. School did not care and were actively trying to get me to put him in a PRU.

Special school had a mix of abilities with DS being on the higher side.

The head seemed to take a dislike to him quite soon afterwards as she felt he was a bad influence on the other DC as he has been exposed to more mature stuff what with being in mainstream school and having older siblings. She had told me she was going to tell the local authority he needed a change of placement. Nothing was reported in terms of disruptive behaviour.

Last December I was called to collect him in the early afternoon. I asked why and was told that he’d been outside and was refusing to come in.

I arrived to witness 6 staff members (2 on each leg, one on each arm) carrying him facedown towards me across the playground! I was told he’d needed restraint as he’d been violent to a staff member.

I was in shock as he’d never been violent before or needed any kind of restraint. Just seeing him being carried like that absolutely horrified me. Can’t get that image out of my head sometimes.

I asked for a full written report of what led up to this and obviously said he wouldn’t be returning.

The report listed a weeks worth of incidences leading up to the day he was restrained (on a Friday). It detailed DS smashing up classrooms, threatening staff with a metal pole, swearing at staff, destroying other DCs work, running round the school and outside and trying to climb the school fence, threatening to throw a computer, writing on walls and loads of other stuff.

I had not been informed of any of this until they called me on the Friday and I would expect to be called to immediately collect him if my DS was threatening staff with a metal pole (very serious IMO) and would expect to be informed of any damage he’d done! Not a word was said about any of this until I read the report.

At his mainstream secondary, he’d never so much as sworn at staff or damaged anything.

It transpired that one the Friday, he’d gone out to the rear playground as he was anxious and had refused to come inside when told so was locked outside for 4 hours (this is their timeline) as staff felt he looked agitated. He had also climbed up onto the roof of an outbuilding, kicking off the roofing and been hitting a tree with a big stick. The ‘violence’ was him pushing past a staff member when he was let back in (he said he was very cold) and hitting her shoulder with his.

Why they didn’t call me when he looked ‘agitated’ and refused to come in I don’t understand. Why leave him outside for 4 hours in December?

AIBU to think this was very odd and school said this to get rid of him?

He is having to be homeschooled now so I can’t work as can’t find another school for him.

Thank you for saying this, 2ndGenerationHomeEducator.

20 years ago, I was very badly hurt by a 15 yr old boy when I was minding my own business in my classroom at break. A boy ran into my room, followed by the aggressor.

I was keeping well out of the way (unusually for me) because I thought that I might be pregnant. (Had tested myself, but the result was inconclusive, so was waiting a few days before taking another pregnancy test.)

I don't remember the next bit, though the notes that I wrote afterwards later informed me that I was punched in the stomach. Two male teachers who came to my assistance were also hurt.

It took the additional help of a non-teaching member of staff, an ex-policeman, to stop the boy.

15 yr old boys can be very strong.

As is the usual the aggressor tried to claim that he was the victim. To this day, I can't remember everything that happened. I can remember the start of the incident and then a senior boy shouting 'Come quick! Mrs AuldWumman is getting beaten up!'

I wrote it all up at the time, but now I genuinely cannot remember the assault on me.

What you describe really doesn't sound serious enough for a PRU place. But Mainstream and special school think that's the better placement. Are you sure you're not minimising his behaviour, maybe you don't see the side of him that school does, although clearly acting like a Ninja with sticks is alarming for other pupils and staff particularly if he's non-compliant. Maybe the SS has tried to clamp down on the inappropriate behaviour when the mainstream didn't have the staffing to do that, and now he's reacting?

op, this all happened last December, so nearly a year ago. And now you’re home schooling and unable to work due to it. I suspect you’re unhappy with the situation and that’s what’s causing your resentment over the school and now thinking they were lying and posting.

why can’t you find another school for him? How is the home schooling working? Do either of you get any respite? Is he able to mingle with other kids?

do you need support or advice on how to deal with local authorities and your options?

Op posted in April.

OP, you are looking to pick tiny holes in the school's actions, and ignoring the yawning chasms in your own parenting which have produced such a 15 year old. You do not sound to have one bit of empathy for the poor staff and students he has terrorised and hurt

Apologies, I know this is an old thread but I didn't see this at the time. I'm just stunned at the level of ignorance that could lead a poster to think ASD and learning difficulties are caused by parenting. @nighthawk99, you really need to educate yourself.

As for the suggestion that the school are using 6 members of staff for restraint out of the goodness of their hearts, again that displays a lack of knowledge. Unfortunately all too often badly trained staff find it much easier to use restraint to get a student out of the way quickly than to use the calm teaching methods and de-escalation techniques that are required to prevent matters reaching that level in the first place.