To think school lied to demonise my son?

[AnyoneandEveryone]

DS (15) attended a special school for 3 months last year. He had been in mainstream school before then. He has ASD and learning difficulties so had issues with following instructions and inappropriate behaviour which led to bullying. School did not care and were actively trying to get me to put him in a PRU.

Special school had a mix of abilities with DS being on the higher side.

The head seemed to take a dislike to him quite soon afterwards as she felt he was a bad influence on the other DC as he has been exposed to more mature stuff what with being in mainstream school and having older siblings. She had told me she was going to tell the local authority he needed a change of placement. Nothing was reported in terms of disruptive behaviour.

Last December I was called to collect him in the early afternoon. I asked why and was told that he’d been outside and was refusing to come in.

I arrived to witness 6 staff members (2 on each leg, one on each arm) carrying him facedown towards me across the playground! I was told he’d needed restraint as he’d been violent to a staff member.

I was in shock as he’d never been violent before or needed any kind of restraint. Just seeing him being carried like that absolutely horrified me. Can’t get that image out of my head sometimes.

I asked for a full written report of what led up to this and obviously said he wouldn’t be returning.

The report listed a weeks worth of incidences leading up to the day he was restrained (on a Friday). It detailed DS smashing up classrooms, threatening staff with a metal pole, swearing at staff, destroying other DCs work, running round the school and outside and trying to climb the school fence, threatening to throw a computer, writing on walls and loads of other stuff.

I had not been informed of any of this until they called me on the Friday and I would expect to be called to immediately collect him if my DS was threatening staff with a metal pole (very serious IMO) and would expect to be informed of any damage he’d done! Not a word was said about any of this until I read the report.

At his mainstream secondary, he’d never so much as sworn at staff or damaged anything.

It transpired that one the Friday, he’d gone out to the rear playground as he was anxious and had refused to come inside when told so was locked outside for 4 hours (this is their timeline) as staff felt he looked agitated. He had also climbed up onto the roof of an outbuilding, kicking off the roofing and been hitting a tree with a big stick. The ‘violence’ was him pushing past a staff member when he was let back in (he said he was very cold) and hitting her shoulder with his.

Why they didn’t call me when he looked ‘agitated’ and refused to come in I don’t understand. Why leave him outside for 4 hours in December?

AIBU to think this was very odd and school said this to get rid of him?

He is having to be homeschooled now so I can’t work as can’t find another school for him.

OP, has there been an emergency annual review since all this happened? Does your local authority accept that this school was not suitable?

The mainstream school recommended a PRU and you got a place at a special school without an EHCP

Where do you get this from? He has a diagnosis of ASD and learning difficulties, the chances of his being in a special school without one are minimal, @electriclight? Equally, the chances of a PRU being able to meet ASD needs are very low. It's more likely that your son needs a school specialising in ASD, OP.

Overall it's pretty concerning but I feel there's more to this eg what was the inappropriate behaviour that led to the placement, they wouldn't put a child into special school because of bullying at that age (they have coped up to this point). What was he doing that was a bad influence, you alluded to "more mature stuff" were their safeguarding concerns? School is not the place for mature "stuff" mainstream or special!

They seem to have been having escalating issues but they are trained to deal with it and would not be expecting parents to come in unless it's pretty extreme. They are used to kids with lots of behavioural problems.

Why were they suggesting a pru if he'd never said boo to a goose at the original school? I wonder if a pru might have been the right choice for him OP.

There are many children with ASD who attend PRUs. The small class sizes, often only 3 - 4 kids, individual attention and expert staff can be transformative. I think you should have considered the PRU but it's also understandable given the negative perceptions most people have. It also sounds as though the special school was not the most suitable placement. If he is at the higher end of the schools ability range some of his behaviours could be exacerbated by frustration. Did he want to go to the special school?

I read soontobe60s post saying that he didn't have an EHCP and thought I'd missed that detail in the op, or that she'd seen it on another of op's posts.

I agree, in our area you can't get a special school placement without one but didn't know if that was universally the case.

I read the OP 10 times and did an AS to see if she'd mentioned it on another thread (she hasn't)
So no idea why pp thinks OP's son has a draft one in place tbh.

This isn't true at all, where did you learn this?

@Soontobe60 where does it say there's only a draft ehcp? I can't find it in the OP.

What is the LA doing about his education?

You need to inform the Director of Children’s Services you are not EHE and they need to provide arrangements to ensure DS receives a suitable full time education and anything specified and quantified in F. You can’t be compelled to deliver or facilitate this provision.

If you haven’t already you also need to request an early review of the EHCP. If there isn’t an appropriate school have you considered EOTAS?

We don't think there is an EHCP. The OP hasn't said there is one. A pp thinks there is.

Why were you so against the pru?

Was there a discussion if the special school could meet his needs? Who decided the special school was a suitable placement?

Given OP’s DS attended a SS it is a reasonable assumption that there is an EHCP.

Well, yes.
And most of us would presume he has. There's just one poster who seems to have read a different OP to the rest of us! (And says there's a draft one only)

I know, I have read the thread. You replied to me saying “We don't think there is an EHCP.” so I replied it is a reasonable assumption there is one. 1 poster who seems to have misread the OP doesn’t change that.

What would the school gain from lying and wanting to exclude him? Unless he really was a problem and violent ?

Because , if they fucked up on that Friday, consciously or not, they could be in a lot of trouble, especially as a SEN school.

It can be easier to mitigate or justify certain actions (or lack of action) if there's a backlog of incidents.

Schools do cover up shit sometimes,even special schools, and while it's mostly minimising or hiding incidents, the opposite can be equally true.

DS didn’t get an EHCP until last summer (after a long fight) and I used that to move him
to the SS due to him being bullied. He had to stay in mainstream before that.

The PRU was suggested by his ‘outstanding’ secondary school as they didn’t support him getting an EHCP so he couldn’t get into a SS, despite not entering him for any GCSEs.

Behaviours were not doing homework, making inappropriate comments which were construed as racist/homophonic, spending a lot of time hiding in the loos when should have been in lessons, wielding sticks although he never hit anyone with them - pretended to do ninja stuff with them which was obviously inappropriate and constantly reported.

SS issues were talking and drawing horror film scenes and googling them on school PC.

Absolutely no violence ever reported aside from this weeks worth of report!

Racism and homophobia aren’t “mature stuff”, they’re bullying/harassment. And wielding sticks around and demonstrating martial arts moves with them, whilst not violence, is really intimidating for other children.

I don’t believe either of these schools has lied to demonise your son. I suspect your son’s behaviour is worse than you’ve previously been aware of.

I don't know how you can say there was no violence when he was wielding sticks in a school. I'm really sorry for your situation as it is very difficult but I do think you need to recognise that your son's behaviour is disrupting and upsetting for other pupils and staff in the schools he has attended and work with the schools to come up with a plan that works for everyone. Minimising his behaviour and assuming others are lying isn't going to help.

I would be asking about their restraint hold training.

All training we know of means no more than 2 staff will hold a child and remove them to a safe place which is a safe room for their safety, a third staff member may be present but does not put hands on the child.

In a special school there will be many children who have challenging behaviours. The staff should be training in trying to disrupt those behaviour and change their plans if they see the signs coming.

Restraint is a last resort, here in Scotland there is a whole new relook into when it's appropriate to restrain children within educational establishments.

What do you mean by 'construed as' racist and homophobic?

making inappropriate comments which were construed as racist/homophonic
You're minimising like billyo, here. There are very few ways comments that are not racist/homophobic can be "construed" as such.
Is this an example of his knowledge of more mature themes?

It sounds appalling managed but that does not mean they lied. Yes they should have told you about all incidents and they don't sound skilled in managing distressed behaviours.