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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of hearing how everybody fancies partner's friend/former colleague

91 replies

Unitedstatesofwhatever1 · 07/04/2023 06:28

According to him 3 of their mutual friends fancy her, one of them just took her to a ridiculously expensive restaurant and spent a fortune on her even though she has her own partner.
When they used to work together my DP told me that many of the customers fancied her and would come in just to see her.
Seemed like every other day there was somebody who fancied her.
I'm a bit like, ok, I get it!
I don't need to keep hearing that every man loves her. I'm not looking for other men to fancy me of course but I'm nothing special I guess. Looks aren't everything anyway, I don't know why I just don't need to constantly hear it.

OP posts:
Crumpetdisappointment · 07/04/2023 06:30

does he fancy her?

Original poster
Unitedstatesofwhatever1 · 07/04/2023 06:31

He's not said so but would never admit to that. Probably thinks she's 'stunning' like every other man apparently.

OP posts:
Crazycatlady19 · 07/04/2023 06:33

I'd probably give him a look and ask why I need to know this information tbh.

WhenDovesFly · 07/04/2023 06:44

I think I'd feel uncomfortable too. The fact he keeps telling you validates that he sees her as gorgeous too. Sounds as though he may fancy her a bit himself.

I agree with pp. Next time he says something similar, ask him why he feels the need to keep telling you how stunning/sought after she is.

BoneBrothByDayDonutByNight · 07/04/2023 06:51

Does he just talk about her looks or is it the classic mentionitis that kicks off The Script?

CantAskAnyoneElse · 07/04/2023 07:01

Yanbu, that sounds very annoying.
And kinda sounds like he’s part of her fanclub, that’s not a nice feeling.

Off topic: I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be one of the gorgeous women who always have men falling in love with them…
Must be nice!

YouJustDoYou · 07/04/2023 07:04

Dp fancies her.

YouJustDoYou · 07/04/2023 07:05

WhenDovesFly · 07/04/2023 06:44

I think I'd feel uncomfortable too. The fact he keeps telling you validates that he sees her as gorgeous too. Sounds as though he may fancy her a bit himself.

I agree with pp. Next time he says something similar, ask him why he feels the need to keep telling you how stunning/sought after she is.

This

PaigeMatthews · 07/04/2023 07:06

Your dp clearly fancies her. Tell him firmly to stop telling you.

Hiddenvoice · 07/04/2023 07:10

Sorry but sounds like dp likes her and just likes bringing her up into conversations so he can think of her.

Id ask him next time he brings it up, why you need to know and why he cares so much.

KatherineJaneway · 07/04/2023 07:12

Maybe he is dropping hints? Nudging you to wear more make up, wear different clothes etc.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 07:15

KatherineJaneway · 07/04/2023 07:12

Maybe he is dropping hints? Nudging you to wear more make up, wear different clothes etc.

Nah he's telling her he fancies this lady and is openly admitting that she's the type who'd possibly go on a date with him if he paid.

BluetheBear · 07/04/2023 07:17

he fancied her!

tell him it's weird he keeps talking about her

thegrain · 07/04/2023 07:19

BluetheBear · 07/04/2023 07:17

he fancied her!

tell him it's weird he keeps talking about her

I agree. Or ask him if he's trying to ask you for permission to take her on a date?

Holycow23x · 07/04/2023 07:20

The beginning of "Mentionitis"

Mocky · 07/04/2023 07:20

Mentionitis. Tell him to fuck off.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 07:21

How long have you been with your partner? Sounds like this might have been going on a while.

Shoxfordian · 07/04/2023 07:23

He fancies her too - he’s disrespectful; don’t put up with this shit

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 07:27

Mentionitis for sure. Prettier? My DHs OW was smarter. But here’s a catch. She looked me up on socials figured out she knew my type and then proceeded to tell him how she compares to me. She went on for ages about how she’s tall and how elegant it is to be tall only to realise I am taller then all of a sudden this was a bad thing. Working part time apparently was ‘bits and pieces’.

Anyhow it was useful to know all this after affair because it was the OWs way of triangulation and trying to place herself as this incredible ‘tall’ when needed’ catch.

DH used to come home and tell me off things like how ‘sweet’ my personality is, how he sometimes wished I was more ‘grown up’…eh? I was 17 yrs younger than OW.

aaaargh

Let’s just say an incredible catch knows her worth and does not date other people’s men. Him finding her sexually exciting and available has nothing to do with your worth. Next time he mentions her I would say ‘well what a pity you had to marry a hog like me, because you clearly can not stop yourself fantasising about this woman, and by the sounds of it she’s game with just about anyone, so off you fuck off and line up with the masses’.

Dyslexicwonder · 07/04/2023 07:32

Sometimes women and men are just so beautiful it becomes a topic of conversation, perfectly normal. Not being able to cope with your partner mentioning how gorgeous some one else is smacks of insecurity to me.

Morewineplease10 · 07/04/2023 07:32

Excellent response @Sittwritt !

Are you tied to this guy op? This is so tedious, he's making you feel insecure, but if you ask him outright if he fancies her, he'll deny it 🙄

thegrain · 07/04/2023 07:33

Dyslexicwonder · 07/04/2023 07:32

Sometimes women and men are just so beautiful it becomes a topic of conversation, perfectly normal. Not being able to cope with your partner mentioning how gorgeous some one else is smacks of insecurity to me.

A one off mention sure. But repeatedly banging on about it?

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 07:34

Look for us it wasn’t the end. But he’s crossing the line here badly and as you have shared so much in the past he feels comfortable telling you everything. Like you are his mummy confidante.

Say when shit hits the fan you are one of those couples that probably has the best chance of making it as you have a good conversation about what goes on in your lives. But a joke is a joke and this one ain’t funny.

If stuff is going to happen it’s not worth worrying about. But you can say things like ‘you know, when it comes to affairs at work, the first port of call is mentioning the person you’ve identified as a potential day in and day out. So you can deny it all you like but I’ve let you carry on like this for ages, so just tell me what’s going on.’

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 07/04/2023 07:36

Me and my partner will both happily say if we think someone we know is pretty but if he kept bringing up one person, I'd think it was weird. There's no need for it. Sounds like he fancies her too but just obviously won't admit it.

Crumpetdisappointment · 07/04/2023 07:36

why dont you suggest he invite her round so you can see for yourself?

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