Page 2 | To be fed up of hearing how everybody fancies partner's friend/former colleague

Unitedstatesofwhatever1 · 2023-04-07T05:28:12+00:00

According to him 3 of their mutual friends fancy her, one of them just took her to a ridiculously expensive restaurant and spent a fortune on her even though she has her own partner. When they used to work together my DP told me that many of the customers fancied her and would come in just to see her. Seemed like every other day there was somebody who fancied her. I'm a bit like, ok, I get it! I don't need to keep hearing that every man loves her. I'm not looking for other men to fancy me of course but I'm nothing special I guess. Looks aren't everything anyway, I don't know why I just don't need to constantly hear it.

Dyslexicwonder · 07/04/2023 07:36

Let’s just say an incredible catch knows her worth and does not date other people’s men.

This, if they are lining up you have nothing to fear.

Crumpetdisappointment · 07/04/2023 07:37

turn the tables and drool over a male at your work

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 07:38

Continuation…‘well what a pity you had to marry a hog like me, because you clearly can not stop yourself fantasising about this woman, and by the sounds of it she’s game with just about anyone, so off you fuck off and line up with the masses’….’But it sounds like you’ll need to wait it out till she’s done a few and then don’t come crying to me when she does not settle for ya, but accept that dinner from a new colleague.’

Say you have confidence enough not to need to be validated externally by who likes me and who doesn’t, you know yr worth as a person, and you also know you don’t want to be treated as second best. Not by your husband not by anyone.

candieland · 07/04/2023 07:40

I know this isn't the point, but is she objectively stunning?

Because when I was infatuated by someone (usually a straight girl crush) in my younger days, I used to think everyone else was equally so. Looking back, it was confirmation bias! So if she's not actually goddess-like at first glance, he must just be accidentally revealing his own obsession.

I mean if she is an actual goddess, that doesn't mean he's not a part of her fan club. But if she's not, all the more he might just be nursing a crush on her.

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 07:43

Either way tell him this nonsense must stop. Don’t want to hear about his crush no more.

The latter will startle him.

HelpsHeal · 07/04/2023 07:48

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 07:27

Mentionitis for sure. Prettier? My DHs OW was smarter. But here’s a catch. She looked me up on socials figured out she knew my type and then proceeded to tell him how she compares to me. She went on for ages about how she’s tall and how elegant it is to be tall only to realise I am taller then all of a sudden this was a bad thing. Working part time apparently was ‘bits and pieces’.

Anyhow it was useful to know all this after affair because it was the OWs way of triangulation and trying to place herself as this incredible ‘tall’ when needed’ catch.

DH used to come home and tell me off things like how ‘sweet’ my personality is, how he sometimes wished I was more ‘grown up’…eh? I was 17 yrs younger than OW.

aaaargh

Let’s just say an incredible catch knows her worth and does not date other people’s men. Him finding her sexually exciting and available has nothing to do with your worth. Next time he mentions her I would say ‘well what a pity you had to marry a hog like me, because you clearly can not stop yourself fantasising about this woman, and by the sounds of it she’s game with just about anyone, so off you fuck off and line up with the masses’.

Ugh. You've managed to make that all the women's fault to justify staying.

Nothing in OP suggest the woman is at fault here.

ExpensiveStudentLife · 07/04/2023 07:48

Is he wanting to make you feel ‘grateful’ in some way that he is with you and not her? Ugh.

i would be rolling my eyes and telling him to change the record. I am q confident (not a stunner) so would find this irritating rather than threatening.

ExpensiveStudentLife · 07/04/2023 07:52

HelpsHeal · 07/04/2023 07:48

Ugh. You've managed to make that all the women's fault to justify staying.

Nothing in OP suggest the woman is at fault here.

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Agreed. This poor woman; women making an enemy of her for no reason. Surrounded by sleazy, salivating leery men competing for her attention, in the workplace and elsewhere. I actually feel sorry for her.

HelpsHeal · 07/04/2023 07:58

ExpensiveStudentLife · 07/04/2023 07:52

Agreed. This poor woman; women making an enemy of her for no reason. Surrounded by sleazy, salivating leery men competing for her attention, in the workplace and elsewhere. I actually feel sorry for her.

Show quote history

Exactly. She's being harassed.

Depending on whether I thought DH was being sleazy or just a sad old puppy, I might be inclined to warn him of the trouble he could get into if this obsession is obvious the her/colleagues.

user1492757084 · 07/04/2023 07:59

Some women can bake well and we all ask for the recipe, others win Olympic medals and we celebrate. Some are really generous, kind or can knit fabulous jumpers.
There are women at the top in every sphere. Looks and pleasant personality are just some areas where there will be honest praise and adoration.
Try not to be jealous but acknowledge her superiority in looks and her attractiveness to the opposite sex. This must have it's drawbacks. He boyfriend must be patient. (Think of her seeing men swoon and having to be polite.) She would welcome a female friend, I imagine. It's not her fault that she drew the lucky straw in looks.

PaigeMatthews · 07/04/2023 08:01

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 07:27

Mentionitis for sure. Prettier? My DHs OW was smarter. But here’s a catch. She looked me up on socials figured out she knew my type and then proceeded to tell him how she compares to me. She went on for ages about how she’s tall and how elegant it is to be tall only to realise I am taller then all of a sudden this was a bad thing. Working part time apparently was ‘bits and pieces’.

Anyhow it was useful to know all this after affair because it was the OWs way of triangulation and trying to place herself as this incredible ‘tall’ when needed’ catch.

DH used to come home and tell me off things like how ‘sweet’ my personality is, how he sometimes wished I was more ‘grown up’…eh? I was 17 yrs younger than OW.

aaaargh

Let’s just say an incredible catch knows her worth and does not date other people’s men. Him finding her sexually exciting and available has nothing to do with your worth. Next time he mentions her I would say ‘well what a pity you had to marry a hog like me, because you clearly can not stop yourself fantasising about this woman, and by the sounds of it she’s game with just about anyone, so off you fuck off and line up with the masses’.

What an awful thing to say.

did your husband just accidentally fall and his penis land in her? Was he hypnotised by her so couldn't control his actions? Did you invent an entire situation where your husband remains completely pathetic and yet somehow blameless through fear?

missingeu · 07/04/2023 08:09

I had this with my DH years ago. He would mention how wonderful S was, how silm, intelligent, funny etc. We had 2 small children at the time and I was working nights...He even told me what diet she had used!!!

Anyways, he invited her and her boyfriend round, she was pretty but in an average way but VERY FULL of herself and only herself. She flirted with DH in front of me. After she left, I said, that she was pretty but empty and if that interested him then so be it and he could ruin marriage etc for her.

I also informed him that I met many charming, intelligent, witty rich men but I didn't feel it neccessary to keep reminding him of the fact and that he could be an idoit at times. He got the message and I lost some respect for my husband for a while.

MrsRickAstley · 07/04/2023 08:11

Beauty is only skin deep.

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 08:16

Guys calm down…Men are at fault for sure and lots of women genuinely do get harassed. Falling into someone’s vagina is missing the point here, and a little overused in MN tbh

All I’m saying and this ain’t news to you is that the comparison may not be just coming from the guy. It can be a way of establishing the mistresses hierarchy so that they can feel secure. Actively trying to put someone else down is always a way of elevating yourself.

I don’t blame her. If I needed to break up someone marriage in order to get my man to myself I would probably play the same games.

SheWentWest · 07/04/2023 08:17

Jesus Christ poor woman. I feel sorry for her. Maybe ask him next time how he thinks he and his dribbling colleagues make this poor woman feel. Imagine awful men coming in just to ogle you.

Sometimeswinning · 07/04/2023 08:27

I don’t blame her. If I needed to break up someone marriage in order to get my man to myself I would probably play the same games.

Yeah course you would 🤣

HelpsHeal · 07/04/2023 08:35

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 08:16

Guys calm down…Men are at fault for sure and lots of women genuinely do get harassed. Falling into someone’s vagina is missing the point here, and a little overused in MN tbh

All I’m saying and this ain’t news to you is that the comparison may not be just coming from the guy. It can be a way of establishing the mistresses hierarchy so that they can feel secure. Actively trying to put someone else down is always a way of elevating yourself.

I don’t blame her. If I needed to break up someone marriage in order to get my man to myself I would probably play the same games.

Oh dear, I don't think anyone genuinely happy/ pleased would be quite so bitter.

You should have let her have him.

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 08:55

OK guys leaving this thread so you can pick over the last few remaining bits of the whale carcass of what u perceive to be a wounded woman and so OP can get her thread back to what she needs it to be. But yeah the OP is in a different league by simply not dating other people’s men. That’s a stamp of quality and self worth. Mentionitis is not just preaffair it’s usually a few months in, as they reasses their position and try and justify their actions to themselves and to their wives. That colleague taking her out to dinner is probably him.

PaigeMatthews · 07/04/2023 09:03

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 08:55

OK guys leaving this thread so you can pick over the last few remaining bits of the whale carcass of what u perceive to be a wounded woman and so OP can get her thread back to what she needs it to be. But yeah the OP is in a different league by simply not dating other people’s men. That’s a stamp of quality and self worth. Mentionitis is not just preaffair it’s usually a few months in, as they reasses their position and try and justify their actions to themselves and to their wives. That colleague taking her out to dinner is probably him.

Surely other people’s men shouldnt be dateable?

look, you seem sensible but the mental gymnastics you are doing to justify your husband's affair are what people are reacting to. You deserve better than a man like your husband.

Queenofscones · 07/04/2023 09:07

And stop calling us guys.

OlympicProcrastinator · 07/04/2023 09:08

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 07:38

Continuation…‘well what a pity you had to marry a hog like me, because you clearly can not stop yourself fantasising about this woman, and by the sounds of it she’s game with just about anyone, so off you fuck off and line up with the masses’….’But it sounds like you’ll need to wait it out till she’s done a few and then don’t come crying to me when she does not settle for ya, but accept that dinner from a new colleague.’

Say you have confidence enough not to need to be validated externally by who likes me and who doesn’t, you know yr worth as a person, and you also know you don’t want to be treated as second best. Not by your husband not by anyone.

So you stayed with your cheating husband and are now lecturing other women on knowing their worth?

Ok then…

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 09:26

I clicked unfollow but it’s not activated.

So a lot of persons (not guys then) assume that to know your self worth you need to leave your marriage, scream ‘I’ve been cheated on’, LTB, separate, put yourself through hardship and only then let go of resentment and trauma. Not the case for all.

Firstly trauma will take 2 yrs to get over whether standing upright or in yr head it’s there to tear it’s ugly head.

Secondly, these things rarely have anything to do with you. And certainly have nothing to do with your life plan. If your spouse fucks up their life with gambling, alcohol, affairs, it’s got nothing to do with your marriage or who you are. A problematic marriage requires marriage counselling to resolve the issues. An affair is just as linked to your marriage as abusing alcohol is.

Anyhow I am living proof that you can go on to have a life and enjoy it and look forward to every day. And maybe he and his life plan did not coincide with mine at a time but that does not stop it from aligning again. I did not ‘stay’. Far from it. I allowed him to ‘stay’ and see his kids everyday, and for us to grow and look at the script and go ‘yep, it happened’ but just because it happened it does not mean the end and uprooting everything. And sorry if I can’t get upset by so many jaunts but that’s what happens when you have time and healing and have processed it all.

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 09:31

So you stayed with your cheating husband and are now lecturing other women on knowing their worth?

His actions were not deserving of having a wife and family and made it very difficult for we to want to be with him. But I allowed him to stay, yes. I have no regrets at all.

Self worth comes from within.

Feemie · 07/04/2023 09:31

Tell him you’re not surprised the unfortunate woman no longer works with him if half her colleagues and customers were slavering over her like dogs on a raw chop.

Whatthefnow · 07/04/2023 09:35

Not to sound big headed op but I have experienced this as the woman. We don't like it to be honest. There was a particular courier that used to collect from my job and my boss had to stop him from coming into the office one day to talk to me. I used to hide from him as he was fairly creepy.

As a plus, I've been seeing a former colleague for the last year and a half and I've never been happier.
He used to say lovely things about me all the time. Big difference from being creepy.