DSD doesn’t want to go to Russia (I don’t blame her)

[CatherineEarnshawsGhost]

Hello,

Just wanted to see what others think about this situation.

DSD (11) has three passports - A European one from her dad (not British, an EU), an Australian one and a Russian one. My DH’s exW is Russian and is planning a trip to visit family in the Urals during the Summer holidays. DSD’s mum is now in the process of renewing their Russian passports as I guess they have both lapsed.

I suppose it’ll be a bit of a rigmarole to get there as they’ll have to fly via Turkey to get to Moscow. When they do get there I think they’d have to rely on cash (Rubles) as western bank cards won’t work and their British phones will probably have to be switched off in advance because when the Russian phone company detects a UK phone number on their network they are likely to become highly suspicious and track that phone (I work in telecoms, this isn’t unfounded paranoia they can do this so probably will).

Now that DSD is aware of the plan she’s voicing the fact that she’s feeling a bit nervous at the prospect of going. Honestly I don’t blame her. DH is also quite worried and would rather they don’t risk it, but doesn’t want to stop his DD from seeing her GPs and GGM who is 89 (I think). Overall DH wants what’s best for his DD so that would probably mean not going to a hostile country which is currently at odds with the west. He’s just needs to diplomatically approach his exW for the best outcome (no idea how he does that so I’ll leave it to him).

AIBU for being a bit nervous about seeing DSD go off to Russia?

Anyone else experienced this (unlikely but just checking)

Thanks!

I don't blame DSD either but I think she'll be safe. The main risk is that DSD's dad would not be able to get her back if her mum decides to keep her there. DN's best friend at boarding school has a Russian friend with dual Russian/EU nationality who goes back there a lot in the holidays to see her dad in Moscow. Apart from the difficulty of getting there (no direct flights any more) she has been fine.

I don't think there is much to be done, I would suggest that you reassure DSD and keep things amicable with her mother.

Thanks @candieland

Are people assuming the ex wife is completely insane just because she's Russian or something?

Oh sorry, that isn’t the impression I was trying to get across. I think for her it’s the emotion that could be guiding the decision as she wants to see her frail GM and wants her DD to see her GGM one last time. I get it must be a difficult situation for her, and unfair that her ridiculous government have made it so difficult for their citizens to have a normal family life, while making life intolerable for Ukrainians and destroying their country also. It’s awful.

Of course it would. My question was in response to suggestions that the courts could block it. A question becuase I don't know if they can of neither child nor parents are British

I know of a case in my town, through mutual friends, where a child of about 7 was taken back to Russia by her dad after he picked her up from school and left the country. The mother is obviously distraught, but other than heavily controlled phone calls she hasn’t seen the child for 4 years and there is nothing that can be done as their whereabouts isn’t exactly known and the child has Russian citizenship. The father had it seems always been very reasonable in parenting matters, but rumour has it the wider family in Russia put lots of pressure on and he left. Even if the mum seems reasonable there is a chance she could be influenced.

Not the same thing, but I remember a lad (born abroad, parent moved when he was an infant, had dual nationality) who visited Turkey to see family and was conscripted into the army.

Bit awkward as he didn't speak Turkish.

As a Turkish national this was correct.

At the time we had a friendly and co-operative government and they let him off.

The current Russian government is not friendly and co-operative.

Russians are still travelling to Turkey for holidays, we had a whole hotel full of them growling at us there recently (might have been the blue and yellow beach towel 😁). I don't think she'd have any trouble travelling back to Turkey on her Russian passport. That said I wouldn't want to go there at the moment, or anytime in the foreseeable future and no way would I want my child being taken there either.

What is DSD's UK immigration status? Hopefully indefinite leave to remain or EU settled status? If not, she won't be allowed to board the plane to come back to the UK.

If she used to rely on her EU passport to enter the UK she can no longer do this since Brexit.

Sorry

my phone is being weird!

Same as others who have traveled to Russia this year, honestly itnis a fair but its totally safe. Lots of Russians I know are going back for short trips, my parents will be going for their third this year. The reality is it's fine. Yes, it is conducting a war and yes relations with the West are bas and yes travel is annoying but it is safe. Thats not to minimize what they are doing in Ukraine or the nastiness of the regime and yes I am an expert on this. Would I recommend it, maybe not. Would I stop it, again no. I would not be going back but thats due to the nature of my work and public profile rather than Russia itself. However, it's fine for ordinary Russians.

Sorry but child has genetic links to Russia. You cant bleach that out of her and can't brush a dictatorship into people of such a decent. Its Putin and his cronies that's are lunatics not all Russians.
OP you can advise your DH but ultimately this is something for him and his ex to sort out, putting the child's best interests at the heart of. Hopefully they will make an informed decision.

I was Yaroslavl' too! (94-95) tho was at Uni of Exeter. How funny..

@SuperDrooper I think it’s that she has indefinite leave to remain, definitely one of the two…

We used to go when it was USSR, it was hell to get passed airports etc with KGB all over the place but once through there it was fine apart from queuing for miles to get food on a daily basis.

As a dual citizen (UK and Russian) I can't see what is all this fuss about. My family (including kids, all with dual citizenship) were in Russia (Moscow and St Petersburg) this Christmas. Yes, the travel was long and expensive, but there were not a single problem with safety or the trip back to UK. Not a single one. Everyone on both border sides (actually triple sides, as we travelled through Turkey) were very nice. If her mum doesn't have russian bank account, she can exchange dollars and euros in the banks (not british pound though), also she can buy russian sim-card very easily at the airport and talk to youh DH by Whatsapp. Lots of British/Australian/USA expats are still living there without any problems, just check youtube for their videos. So please, calm down, your DSD will be absolutely fine and hopefully will remember her GGM

There is absolutely no way my DC would be going to Russia at the moment. For every story that of people that say “it’s fine” “I’ve been” - what about dual citizens in Iran who are locked up for show/trumped up charges? In a dictatorship It only takes someone with power to take offense or be pissed off with your step-daughter or her wider family and she’s in jail/prevented from leaving the country. Insanity to even consider it at the moment (especially as you say they have the opportunity to meet up in dubai).

@Panicmode1 how amazing! And you were there at a crazy time!! I was there 2009-2010.

I lived on Prospekt Tolbukhina (пр. Толбухина) above a Perekrestok (the supermarket).

I also worked with a really nice guy who studied Russian at Exeter sometime in the 90s, maybe slightly before you though.

Countries do not know what passport you enter another country on, so they cannot give or withhold assistance on that basis.

Most treaties and diplomatic norms do not place obligations on a host country to accommodate consular enquiries and requests in relation to someone who is a citizen of the host country. And right now, such norms could not be relied upon between Russia and a european government anyway.

@SometimesMaybe do you know of anyone who has recently traveled there or even spoken to Iranian who do indeed go back and visit. In reality this situation is unlikely to change any time soon. Families will continue to travel and it is safe enough. I wouldn't recommend it if you are male or written on the subject of Russian security as I have but for regular people - mostly no one cares

I would be very concerned that the mum had plans to stay in Russia with your step daughter as well as all the other concerns voiced in this thread

I’m never one for conspiracy theories or hysterics, but I would be very concerned. Putin has pretty much kidnapped thousands of kids who thought they were going on a camp. Never to return to Ukraine.
You’ve had some great advice of this thread. I just wanted to offer some support!

I can appreciate your DSD's mum wanting to see family but in the current political climate it's not exactly safe.

What about if when your DSD steps on that plane it's the last time you see her for a long time?;they might get into the country but what if they can't leave?

YANBU at all to be nervous about it. Can't the trip be postponed until Russia is no longer at war (if ever)? Travel to some parts of Russia is strongly discouraged at the moment; and I would be nervous about a child going there at all, right now.

@Duckingella

What about if when your DSD steps on that plane it's the last time you see her for a long time?;they might get into the country but what if they can't leave?

Pretty shit to be honest.

Look at the advice for both Australian and the other nationality passport she holds, if both say do not travel then that should be sufficient for the courts to consider issuing a travel ban for her. If relatives want to see them, meeting up in turkey would be a good compromise. All that said I suspect that it would be pretty safe where you say they are going, just hide those other passports

I bet they don’t see the issue at all - they think differently. Older generation generally believes what is said on state TV. I wouldn’t trust their judgement and their intentions, not because they are bad people, because they are brainwashed.