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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 17:16

suburbophobe · 05/04/2023 17:08

And now I know what a bad daughter I am!

Please do not put yourself down OP @LetMeExplain.

I'm sure you have been a wonderful daughter (they wouldn't have signed the house over to you otherwise).

I hope you find a way out of this predicament. You can only do what is within your own limits.

Don’t worry, @suburbophobe , I said this tongue in cheek! I am the one who will need to be able to make a decision that I will be able to sleep at night with. I know that I am not a bad person 😉

I knew AIBU would give me a robust answer, that’s why I posted. Not sure what people expect me to reply to “you’re a heartless b*tch”? I am not, my dad’s lifelong right to live in my house would be transferred to my flat, a smaller place which he could afford to heat.

OP posts:
Mirabai · 05/04/2023 17:17

MakingitOver · 05/04/2023 17:10

@Mirabai Emotion is not part of legal documents and decisions. You could argue who is 'shafting' whom, as she was given the house, and all its value, with no codicil. Now, her father wants to move the goalposts.

Nothing to do with emotion, but ethics. And no you can’t argue about who is shafting whom here unless you’re stupid or immoral - it’s very clear.

memesndmoreme · 05/04/2023 17:17

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 17:00

I am not really after legal advice, as my dad and the house are not in the UK, it was more of a moral question. And now I know what a bad daughter I am!

Like I said, there is a back story to this that I don’t want to go into. I am the one who will have to live with the decision in the end.

Show quote history

So now you know your a bad daughter, are you going to do the right thing? And stop being greedy.

Ginmonkeyagain · 05/04/2023 17:17

Indeed. There can nly really be three options?

  1. the house was gifted with no reservations and is the OP is the owner and the father is a tenant. Therefore it is totally her house to do with as she wishes. The financial needs of her father are a separate issue.
  2. Some sort of legal trust was drawn up whereby the OP is the beenficial owner and the father gets lifetme residency, if it was drawn up well there may be provision for selling the property and continuing to provide the father with a home.
  3. It was an amateur agreement done on the back of a fag packet and mainly reliant on trust/guilt.

If is 1 how you act and how much money you give your father is down to your morals and relationship.

If it is 2 I suspect the Trust will dicate how you can act.

If it is 3 - then well - sorry it is going to be a mess, fiancually and morally.

Statusunknown · 05/04/2023 17:18

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:44

Glad that you and a handful of others see my point.

Also glad to know that for the rest I am evil incarnate 🤣

Show quote history

Gross

ittakes2 · 05/04/2023 17:19

Wow - I guess you don’t have kids! They put the house in your name likely to make it easier for you after their deaths……I guess they didn’t consider this scenario of needing to downsize. But they earned the money not you.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 17:19

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 17:14

He wants to have his cake and eat it now. It doesn't work like that. What "cake" has he had!? What cake does he have!? Can you explain to me the benefit to the OP's father of signing over his house to his daughter? That act was done solely for her benefit. You'd think she'd be grateful rather than begrudging him a roof over his head. Interesting how money exposes character.

Well it's quite clear to me. Their property clearly meant enough to the OP's parents 10+ years ago when they CHOSE to sign it over. One would presume they had legal advice on the implications. But now his wife has passed, Op's father has spent rings round him and now thinks he wants it back?

How is the OP begrudging him a roof over his head? She is happy to sell the house and buy a property more suitable for him. Even if she handed the house back to him tomorrow, he'd still have to sell because he can't damn well afford to live in it???

RB68 · 05/04/2023 17:19

I based my comments on UK rather than Ireland. But the get advice still stands. He could stay where he is and leave much more of a pickle when he does die

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 17:21

Does he want the money to pay off his debts? It was probably a smart decision of theirs to give the house to you years ago because your father would likely have lost it now because of what he owes.

Ginmonkeyagain · 05/04/2023 17:21

He could and as an adult that is his choice.

I dislike parents co opting thier adult children in to their financial messes and scheming. It's a form of controlling behaviour.

Dahliass · 05/04/2023 17:23

Horrible greediness he's not dead yet OP it's his money !! You are being abusive.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 17:23

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 17:21

Does he want the money to pay off his debts? It was probably a smart decision of theirs to give the house to you years ago because your father would likely have lost it now because of what he owes.

Agree with this. Doubt he'd even use it to pay off his debts. Would run right through it and then run up more debts. Just compulsive behaviour for some.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 17:23

Dahliass · 05/04/2023 17:23

Horrible greediness he's not dead yet OP it's his money !! You are being abusive.

Oh do keep up!!!

Whatdayisitalexa · 05/04/2023 17:25

Your house your maintenance bill, he's entitled to stay if he wants. If he's happy to move it's not on him to spend any money. If he is downsiding you are quids in early

Firsttimemum2023 · 05/04/2023 17:25

If this sort of arrangement is made via a trust in the UK the typical approach is that the surviving parent gets the “lifetime interest” in the property/its value. This means that, where downsizing is required, the person in OPs position must invest/but another property with the money released, and the parent benefits from the growth/interest/rent, which is seen as comparable to how they’d previously benefited from the property’s value by living in it.

I’d see this an an appropriate compensation for the dad. This sort of thing really ought to be discussed and decided upon before changing the home ownership in the first place though.

slowquickstep · 05/04/2023 17:25

Heartless and money grabbing come to mind. I would be devastated if my child was so cruel to their father after my death.

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/04/2023 17:26

So you are a grabbytax dodger who is now trying to do your dad out of a comfortable living in his final years.

Nice 😳

My advice is find your conscience and be a decent human.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 17:26

Again, I can’t quite keep up but the house was originally put in my name because my mum knew that he would just piss it all away. As I said, there is a bit of a back story involving a man who cannot deal with money and several bankruptcies…

OP posts:
RB68 · 05/04/2023 17:27

I don't find you heartless but by agreeing to this you have handed yourself a bit of a poison chalice. Best thing would be to get your Dad a solicitor, get yourself one and have a discussion about how to move forward - I do think you will end up with Dad in the flat but as that is to both of your advantages you need to agree who meets the costs. Fundamentally your Dad has nowt so as long term this is also to your advantage I think you have to swallow the costs.

Even if he paid the costs it would be adding to debts by the sound of it and if he dies with debts the creditors (people he owes money to) can ask for his financials to be gone through going way back to look for "deprivation of assets" and possible reverse the actions and lay claim to the house anyway. Best to sort now and resolve than leave yourself a mess to sort with probate. The mention of the property in the will is of no use as its been signed over anyway so its not an asset to be willed anywhere

venus7 · 05/04/2023 17:27

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 15:49

It's your inheritance, when they die. He's alive, therefore it's his until he dies. You are something else.

This, completely. Shocking behaviour and attitude; seems to be more frequent now......entitled offspring.

Dahliass · 05/04/2023 17:27

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 17:23

Oh do keep up!!!

Show quote history

Even if he does piss it all down the drain unless he lacks capacity you shouldn't restrict someone's access to what is their money.

Glitteratitar · 05/04/2023 17:28

Have you paid anything towards the house for you to see it as your profit?

Ginmonkeyagain · 05/04/2023 17:29

@RB68 I did wonder what is happening to the creditors. It hardly seems fair the OP's dad can run up debts and simply avoid paying them by signing his assets away.

Dahliass · 05/04/2023 17:29

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 17:26

Again, I can’t quite keep up but the house was originally put in my name because my mum knew that he would just piss it all away. As I said, there is a bit of a back story involving a man who cannot deal with money and several bankruptcies…

If he is crap with money and has had multiple bankruptcies it's not up to you to control the money. If your DF has mental capacity he should be free to make unwise decisions.

RB68 · 05/04/2023 17:29

its not nec tax dodging at all. You can leave a property to a child worth 500k before IHT is payable. It sounds more like Mum managed finances and kept him on a tight leash as he was in the true sense a bit feckless with monies so she did it to ensure he wasn't left potless (and homeless)