Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 21:29

MoralOrLegal · 06/04/2023 21:25

You're not. And I was a complete arse, even namechanging just for this. Sorry; I was wrong! I hope that it all turns out OK for you.

Show quote history

Thank you.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 06/04/2023 21:30

I was envisaging him spending his last money on a one way plane ticket!

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 21:32

magicthree · 06/04/2023 01:46

So OP's father's creditors should just write off the money they are owed should they? You think OP is entitled to this money and they are not? The whole family appear to be lacking in moral fiber, along with yourself.

Show quote history

That's on the father - not the OP!! She didn't create the debts!!

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/04/2023 21:35

All the best @LetMeExplain , I think you're an absolute bloody Saint still trying to do right by a man whose behaviour must have been a source of endless heartache for you and your mum. He's incredibly lucky to have you but will probably never appreciate that fact.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 21:39

Thank you, @HomeTheatreSystem. You have actually moved me to tears now.

OP posts:
allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 21:42

Lemonyfuckit · 05/04/2023 22:44

This. Unless they pay rent (at a market rate) it's seen as a tax dodge because that's exactly what it is.

Show quote history

Unless you see IHT for what it is? DH and I have paid tax on our income all of our working lives, and used some of what was left of our salaries to pay for the mortgage on our family home. So, we kick the bucket at some time (hopefully far in the future) and we pass on in our will the home we've spent a lifetime paying for, living in and maintaining, but, our children have to pay tax again on what we've already paid tax on? Fuck that! And you think that's fair, why? Millionaires and billionaires can circumvent the tax system in so many ways - now I am presuming there's not a lot of multimillionaires posting here but WTF would average working people not try to find a way to stop the greedy fucking bastarding government from getting their grabby hands on more of what these people have spent a lifetime as the custodian of their property, in order to pass it on to their children?!

T1Dmama · 06/04/2023 21:53

Frozendaquiri · 05/04/2023 15:52

Disgusting, honestly. Your dad is destitute and you're so greedy that you won't give him any of his own money because you want it all for yourself.

This ^^

Makes you think no one should sign over property to their kids, mo ey makes people very greedy

NattyNatashia · 06/04/2023 21:59

You and your parents were just trying to evade/avoid tax, far enough I guess but it's not your inheritance, morally it's his asset to be used to see him through the rest of his life.

Complexneedsmum · 06/04/2023 21:59

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 21:21

No, you don't, but I'm fine. I'm not one bit frustrated, just despise bullshit.

Show quote history

🥱

Elvis1956 · 06/04/2023 22:01

ttcat37 · 05/04/2023 21:29

It’s his money to do as he chooses!! She has contributed zero, why is she entitled to any of it?

Show quote history

No but her mum was and so what she wanted(and dad agreed to) doesn't matter....he is a waster, mum made sure her daughter wasn't...

ttcat37 · 06/04/2023 22:07

Elvis1956 · 06/04/2023 22:01

No but her mum was and so what she wanted(and dad agreed to) doesn't matter....he is a waster, mum made sure her daughter wasn't...

Show quote history

Perhaps he didn’t agree and got railroaded? Even if he contributed less than 50% of that, he contributed more than OP. OP contributed 0.
It’s an absolute dick move for her to stop him having the money. Entitled and grabby behaviour.

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 22:12

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/04/2023 21:35

All the best @LetMeExplain , I think you're an absolute bloody Saint still trying to do right by a man whose behaviour must have been a source of endless heartache for you and your mum. He's incredibly lucky to have you but will probably never appreciate that fact.

I couldn't agree more!! Hugs, @LetMeExplain xx

You have been so gracious in the face of all the bitch comments. Go you!

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 22:13

Complexneedsmum · 06/04/2023 21:59

🥱

Show quote history

Sad, pathetic little specimen aren't we?? 🙄

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 22:15

NattyNatashia · 06/04/2023 21:59

You and your parents were just trying to evade/avoid tax, far enough I guess but it's not your inheritance, morally it's his asset to be used to see him through the rest of his life.

🙄

maeveiscurious · 06/04/2023 22:18

Don't forget capital gains it's due on you

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Complexneedsmum · 06/04/2023 22:29

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 22:13

Sad, pathetic little specimen aren't we?? 🙄

Show quote history

🥱

Justbefair · 06/04/2023 22:41

It's his money, I can't even comprehend how you could rcen think of not letting him have his own money! This is your Dad, brought you up, surely your love for him is more important than money, which u will get anyway?

This must be try to get a reaction thread as anyone with a heart wouldn't think twice, cruel and immoral. Also pretty sick if a joke, most of us love and cherish our parents and would do anything for them, when they pass it's the most excruciating grief. Do the best you can for them or u will regret it.

Oakyloaky · 06/04/2023 23:49

OP if you had not drip fed everything then people would have been more helpful!

HallieM93 · 06/04/2023 23:54

we all come to mumsnet for advice yet somehow every time one of us reaches out for help and advice it ends in being criticised and judged. you sound like a fantastic daughter and you should do what feels right to you and by your mum.

HallieM93 · 06/04/2023 23:56

ttcat37 · 06/04/2023 22:07

Perhaps he didn’t agree and got railroaded? Even if he contributed less than 50% of that, he contributed more than OP. OP contributed 0.
It’s an absolute dick move for her to stop him having the money. Entitled and grabby behaviour.

Show quote history

Sounds like the opinion of someone that has never been through inheritance trauma, try to be a little more sympathetic.

Somersetgirl1 · 07/04/2023 00:02

LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 20:04

Thank you for flagging issues that are completely irrelevant to me, then.

You updated to say you were outside of UK whilst I was typing post - takes me a time as currently have two fractures mending

JustAnotherManicMomday · 07/04/2023 00:18

Why does your father need to move? If you became legal owner then you are responsible for the up keep.

timesaretight · 07/04/2023 02:12

I'm pleased you're not my daughter.

changeme4this · 07/04/2023 03:34

Conflicted.

As a parent, if DH was gambler or such, I probably would have tied up my half of our joint property in a trust of some sort with our offspring as some sort of beneficiary, with DH entitled to live out his remaining single days in the property, and no possibility of him raising funds against my share of the asset…

as a SIL, I saw my MIL’s estate pay for a trust fund to park SIL’s inheritance away from her creditors and she declared bankruptcy. We came very close to supporting her consolidation loan that was supposed to save her, and we could have been taken under in the bankruptcy due to her compulsion to spend, live a good life and not earn.

In that scenario (IMO) she should have lost the lot and her creditors reimbursed.

if there is a share of the property your Dad is entitled to, then I would “forward” that to him whether that be tied up in a trust or property held by a trust or you having PoA over his financial affairs .. but your mum’s share, as her wishes seem very clear, should remain with you.