Settle my inheritance row!

[LetMeExplain]

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

Such a fucking shame words didn't actually fail you, because then you would have cleared off clutching your pearls and cleared off...

I hope one day you receive the gift of comprehension.

Neither are you. Think you’re a bit triggered here, rip off your parents too eh?

Her wastrel father possibly. Her mum who wanted to protect her daughter's future in a way she couldn't protect her own present, probably not.

Not triggered at all. Just call out bullshit when I see it.

On another note, I did name change for this thread and never posted on AIBU before, because of the somewhat crazy nature of the beast. Having done it now I got a glimpse into the reason why people troll others online. The pile on was quite spectacular!

Hear hear.

People are too stupid to read what is in front of them and too quick to rush to self-righteous faux outrage while clutching their pearls. Methinks a lot of them doth protest too much...

I would let him live in his house till he dies maybe move in with him if you are single or a couple. I live in my mums house with my husband and teens and pets. x

Definitely an option if we lived in the same country. Not feasible for us, though.

😂 alright, I can see you need somewhere to get all that frustration out. Hope you’re ok!

I'm just glad you have the emotional intelligence to cut through the crap, and the resilience to shrug off the dickish comments.

And of course you don't have to divulge every last detail of your situation and you would be very foolish if you did, even if Jill of Somerset or whoever is utterly affronted that you won't for their entertainment and personal satisfaction!!

I sense a lady who's had a lot thrown at her in life, and that this 'inheritance' is in many ways a millstone round your neck. Without wanting to say too much, my parents left a complicated 'inheritance' too, land, property, SN sibling living in said property, divided shares, complex trusts, to the extent that my generation is never going to benefit while having the headache of maintenance, the accountant, the responsibility for sibling - more bother than it's worth. All the while knowing that SN sibling would have got the lot in an equal world. And it would probably have been much 'cleaner'. I don't need any inheritance now - have my own home and a family reared etc. All the while seeing friends/family pass on their assets in a straightforward way - everyone shares, everyone's content with that.

It is what it is but I guess our fucked up challenge makes me more empathetic towards other peoples'.

Just remember @LetMeExplain the posters with the most bitchy comments here are the ones who are in blissful ignorance!

If you own the house and sign it back to him, it will get very messy I suspect. You need to try and avoid a load of tax whatever you choose to do. He has a right to live there until end of days. It doesn't mean he has a right to live anywhere else. Who would be paying the bills in a flat? You might need to be practical. This isn't your inheritance - they have "gifted" it to you already so you can do what you like with it, bar the agreement about end of days.

You haven’t given enough detail here.
You say your parents “signed the house over to you” . If this was done legally and you are registered at Land Registry as the owner of the house, then it is yours to do with as you want. You could sell it and render your Dad homeless if you wanted.
I would point out this was a stupid move on the part of your parents, as your father has now found himself at your mercy. Is this what your Mum and Dad envisioned when they “signed the house over”?
As for this caveat - was this a verbal agreement that you would make sure the serving parent had a home, or was the house put into some sort of trust?
If this transaction was done legally, you have to abide by what ever terms were drawn up.
I can’t help feeling that if this property was bought between your Mum and Dad over the years, it’s a bit mean of you to take your share of the “inheritance” before your Dad has died! If he wants to spend it any way he likes, he bought it, he saved the money, it’s his! How would you like it if your kids/prospective beneficiaries took control of your house during your lifetime and told you, you could live in a small flat and any proceeds were theirs!

@LetMeExplain was the house transfer to you done after one of your DF's financial fails? Was this your DM's last ditch attempt to keep a roof over their heads?

Given how feckless your DF is I would be extremely wary of giving him any cash. By the sounds of it he simply cant be trusted not to throw even a weekly housekeeping allowance away on booze/bitcoin/3 legged racehorses.

Is it possible for you to set up the flat so that you pay the utilities/local taxes etc? This way you have kept faith with your DM but you dont have to get involved with his life. If he fails to feed himself that is his responsibility.

TG someone with some actual intelligence! (Intelligent life is apparently scarce out there!!).

I think you have hit the nail on the head - that is also my impression - also get the feeling that the OP's DM brought more to the financial table than her DF - but I don't think the OP is going to share that, nor should she feel compelled to.

I don't think 'daddy' is the 'innocent' penniless widower practically on the streets that some posters would like to believe. I also believe that @LetMeExplain has every intention of doing her best by him, even if he doesn't deserve it.

Why not, you just did.

@allmyliesaretrue you are one of the perceptive, spot on mumsnetters! I am sorry that you have your own messy situation to deal with.

At the end of the day I actually don’t care about the money I gain from my “inheritance” (sorry about the confusion there), it is more about my strained relationship with my dad.

I think it’s time to change back to my usual user name soon and crack on with it. Onwards and upwards.

If DH and I signed over our detached 4 bed to our children and were fortunate enough to live for more than 10 years after doing so, then it would be perfectly reasonable for them to sell the family home for a smaller property more suitable for our needs in our latter years!

Indeed, our late parents left me and my siblings (albeit after their deaths) the family home shared equally but with the proviso that SN sibling could live there for life, or that the property could be sold to provide more suitable accommodation for them in the future should the circumstances change. All of which seems more than reasonable to me?

@LetMeExplain You probably didn't think that this thread would be so fast-moving, and unfortunately that means that lots of posters haven't read your other posts where you clarify and explain things. A few of those really change the way I interpret your original post, and I think that you have your dad's best interests at heart. Although I've mentioned it before, you might not have seen it during the pile-on yesterday; if it affects your financial planning about selling the house and buying a flat, you should bear in mind that if you are in the UK, you'll still be liable to Capital Gains Tax. (I didn't know this, neither did my parents when they did something similar, and it was a bit unexpected.)

@MoralOrLegal I did see your post, thanks for that. I was already aware of CGT. In the end with costs like capital gains tax and stamp duty I will be losing quite a bit of money while making sure to keep a roof over my dad’s head.

Yes, yes, I am a money grabbing abomination of a daughter, no need to get back into that. 😉

I've gathered that from the start @LetMeExplain, and I can't understand all the idiots who have piled on to abuse you and put you down as a horrible daughter, when from what I can see, you have been anything but!! I'm surmising that you and your mum put up with all sorts of mad schemes/failures to pay/financial misdemeanours on the part of your dad, and I feel that he's probably not a bad person, just a reckless one?

I get the feeling that your dad is now exerting psychological pressure to get his hands back on the money? I'm torn between thinking let him fucking at it (although I very much doubt that is even legally possible the way things are) and honouring the wishes of your dear late mum (not sure if your loss is recent, but either way losing your mum just fucking stinks and you are never the same as you were again, you but diminished). If you have children, and you don't have to say either way, I am sure your Dmum would have wanted you all to benefit from any good things she had in her life.

Our situation is what it is, it's been 20 years near enough and it's not going to change. I'll probably be long dead myself before it ever gets sorted out. It would have paid off our mortgage, ensured our kids didn't owe huge sums of student finance and enhanced all of our siblings' quality of life but hey it is what it is. We, as the saying goes, "have enough to do us" and our parents were hugely supportive in life. Even my one uncaring sibling (hates SN sibling!) would never dream of turfing them out.

I hope you can sort things out, and that you find joy in your life x

No, you don't, but I'm fine. I'm not one bit frustrated, just despise bullshit.

@LetMeExplain whatever you decide to do I would strongly advise keeping him living somewhere he cant drink/gamble/'invest' away.

This is to protect you. If you have a strained relationship you dont want him turning up on your doorstep with only the clothes on his back expecting to move into your spare bedroom.

Not only would this be disastrous emotionally, he could end up dragging you into his financial mess.

You're not. And I was a complete arse, even namechanging just for this. Sorry; I was wrong! I hope that it all turns out OK for you.

Fair play! Good to see someone acknowledge being wrong because it doesn't happen very often!

Thank God we live in different countries and he can’t just rock up in the UK! I will definitely be keeping him at arm’s length whatever we do. If possible, no/low contact will be the way forward anyway, after all the rubbish he has been getting up to since my mum died!