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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Betaalpha · 06/04/2023 19:42

if your house, and your parents did this lovely thing of leaving it to you whilst they were alive, you probably need to pay for the bills. or your solution of downsizing him, and then paying bills for a flat is also ok. But only if he is ok with it. What will happen with care home fees? Also, do you have any siblings?

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 19:43

Somersetgirl1 · 06/04/2023 19:39

You havent saved on any inheritance tax - he lives there so the reservation of benefits rules kick in on his death. You were probably relying on gifting and your parents surviving for 7 years.....well he lives there so the 7 yr rules do not apply. You also presumably thought you were being cunning and outfoxing the local authority re care home fees. Gifts are a deliberate deprivation of assets, again 7 yr rule doesn't apply and care fees would be met from the house. As you have 'owned' it for 10 yrs you may very well have a capital gains tax if it has risen in value (the allowances have been reduced too). Furthermore if you own your own house and replace his with a flat, you will have to pay a higher stamp duty on 'your' second home. You don't mention any siblings, but if you do have any, this will cause you a whole heap of shit. (especially if they are as money grabbing as you). Worst of all is that you have completely trashed and abused your relationship with your dad.
I suspect you did all this without legal advice, because you know better.

I am a solicitor who deals with this type of thing and sadly there are many greedy adult children just like you. Your dad needs proper legal advice to get his house back

Thanks for your advice, @Somersetgirl1. I hope you do look at the details for your clients’ cases more thoroughly, as your advice does not apply to my circumstances.

OP posts:
JimnJoyce · 06/04/2023 19:44

@Somersetgirl1 are you a solicitor who is based in the OP's father's country of residence?

LaDamaDeElche · 06/04/2023 19:46

Sponging · 06/04/2023 19:30

@LaDamaDeElche not everyone does like their parents very much, not all parents are very nice. Having a child doesn't automatically make you a good person. I actively dislike my father and can understand why the OP might feel the same about hers.

@Younglady18 OP does not intend to make him homeless. She intends to buy him somewhere more suitable to his needs. He wants cash instead. That he can then waste and leave her or the state in whatever country he is in to pick up and deal with the fallout.

Perhaps she shouldn't have taken the gift of his house if she disliked him then?

JimnJoyce · 06/04/2023 19:48

@celticprincess he isnt going to be destitute though is he? OP is proposing to buy a small flat he can live in for the rest of his life. Because that way he wont have to use it to settle his debts.

nauticant · 06/04/2023 19:49

Hahahaha at your latest post @LetMeExplain.

There are plenty reading your thread who've bothered to read your posts, are applying a bit of common sense, and can see that you've been put into a difficult position.

nauticant · 06/04/2023 19:52

I am marvelling though at the mad posts where posters couldn't give a shit about what your circumstances actually are and are just piling in to attack you.

It's a good way to get that online rush of self-righteousness I suppose.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 19:53

nauticant · 06/04/2023 19:49

Hahahaha at your latest post @LetMeExplain.

There are plenty reading your thread who've bothered to read your posts, are applying a bit of common sense, and can see that you've been put into a difficult position.

Morally difficult - absolutely. Legally not so much.

OP posts:
HallieM93 · 06/04/2023 19:53

absolutely not, it sounds like if you hadn’t taken over the house your dad would have failed on payments and it would have been repossessed anyway. I’d help him out with bills if he’s struggling but on the basis he keeps the flat in a good state!

Somersetgirl1 · 06/04/2023 19:58

I am not advising you. I simply flag the various issues!!!!!!!!

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 20:04

Thank you for flagging issues that are completely irrelevant to me, then.

OP posts:
Whitchiteegrub · 06/04/2023 20:06

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

I think this is absolutely shocking and I can’t believe you could do this to your father. I’m not actually sure this can be for real.

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/04/2023 20:06

Somersetgirl1 · 06/04/2023 19:58

I am not advising you. I simply flag the various issues!!!!!!!!

Flagging issues that are irrelevant given the house and father are not in the UK.

nannykatherine · 06/04/2023 20:16

Wow
but he’s your Dad !!!
You would rather see him suffer ..
as stated it’s still his money

landbeforegrime · 06/04/2023 20:17

some really horrible messages on here. just comes across that people are jealous that you have "inherited" a house. I don't think people can really think you are evil and money grabbing, honestly they just come across as bitter and resentful their parents haven't done the same for them. your mum knew what she was doing. you look after your kids and do everything for them, it doesn't stop when they are adults. if it were me i would 100% want my adult child to benefit and keep everything. i think your dad is being selfish and ridiculous. why wouldn't he want to provide for his daughter. it's mad he would prefer to squander money than do everything to look after you and give you the world. isn't that what loving parents do if they can. your house. you know what your mum wanted. respect her wishes and tell your dad to politely "do one".

Bernardo1 · 06/04/2023 20:17

If, as you repeatedly say there is 'a Back story' you're not prepared to divulge (relevant facts), then I really don't know why:-

  1. you post

  2. why we bother to be interested or comment.

Peony26 · 06/04/2023 20:21

I actually think you should sell, give him his half, you keep your moms half and leave him to it! She obviously wanted you to have it, but he will treat you as if you stole it because he can’t cope with his own money. So let him carry on with his own half and don’t be there to pick up the pieces

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 20:24

Bernardo1 · 06/04/2023 20:17

If, as you repeatedly say there is 'a Back story' you're not prepared to divulge (relevant facts), then I really don't know why:-

  1. you post

  2. why we bother to be interested or comment.

Without divulging potentially outing details this thread has actually helped me get things straight in my head, which was my reason for posting in the first place.

I am pretty sure that most posters on mumsnet don’t bare their soul and whole back story but post about one certain aspect of their lives only.

I understand that it would be interesting for people to know the whole story, but I don’t want to tell it. Some people are very perceptive, though, and their answers were bang on target!

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 06/04/2023 20:27

Bernardo1 · 06/04/2023 20:17

If, as you repeatedly say there is 'a Back story' you're not prepared to divulge (relevant facts), then I really don't know why:-

  1. you post

  2. why we bother to be interested or comment.

And yet here you are Hmm

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 20:28

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/04/2023 20:27

And yet here you are Hmm

Show quote history

😂

OP posts:
allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 20:33

Bernardo1 · 06/04/2023 20:17

If, as you repeatedly say there is 'a Back story' you're not prepared to divulge (relevant facts), then I really don't know why:-

  1. you post

  2. why we bother to be interested or comment.

So. You posted. Why???

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 20:34

nannykatherine · 06/04/2023 20:16

Wow
but he’s your Dad !!!
You would rather see him suffer ..
as stated it’s still his money

No. It's not.

gardenflowergirl · 06/04/2023 20:36

It's not your inheritance until your parents both die. If your father needs any care as he gets older and social care get involved, they will do a financial review to see what he can afford to pay for, they will see what you have done with his assets. There is such a thing as 'deprivation of assets' which people try to do to avoid having to pay care home fees. No one is allowed to give their property away like this, if you take his money the court of protection will step in as your father is a vulnerable adult and you could be taken to court by the public guardian on behalf of your father to get his assets back so he can pay for what he needs care wise.

Pepsi2001 · 06/04/2023 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

allmyliesaretrue · 06/04/2023 20:41

Complexneedsmum · 06/04/2023 18:45

i would give every penny from my inheritance back for a day with my mum. I don’t know how you can see your grieving struggling father sink because you don’t want to lose the profit you made from your parents death! You didn’t earn this money, they did. Hope you wake up before it’s too late for you to make things right with your dad

You are not the OP. And my very practical mother would haunt me forever if I threw away my inheritance that was always meant for my parents' much-loved children and grandchildren to benefit from for the sake of a day!! Talk about melodramatic....

Do you know what? One miserable 24 hour fucking DAY would never be enough anyway, no matter?!

Projection isn't helpful, at all. Why don't you RTFT before you bring out the tiny violins...