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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Saju1 · 06/04/2023 18:07

My parents did the same for me.

That is not your money until both of them die. If they didn't put it in your name, and they used it all, you would have nothing.

Your parent's worked hard for their money! Your so selfish, and it's not your inheritance unless they both die, so it's technically not yours yet.

They must be so disappointed in you.

Bekstar · 06/04/2023 18:13

Seriously your dad's not dead and your arguing about inheritance because he's destitute. Really maybe dad should sell up and leave you out of it.

Merrythoughts7 · 06/04/2023 18:13

Also, not sure you are aware, gifts are free from inheritance tax after 7 years, but only if the people making the gift do not retain any benefit in it. So legally, as your parents continued to live in the house, and then the money from it was used to buy your father a new property, it may well not be exempt from inheritance tax when he dies. You might want to check it out.

Chocolatehippychick · 06/04/2023 18:18

Thats awful OP! Your parents worked to buy the house. You're sounding entitled.
I never understand why people think they're owed an inheritance in the first place. You're really mean and YABVVVU. Exactly why I would never do what your parents have done. So selfish of you.

CountryMouse22 · 06/04/2023 18:24

TattiePants · 05/04/2023 15:47

You'd better hope he doesn't need any care in the future as there's no time limit for deprivation of assets.

I thought it was 7 years? I think she needs legal advice.

celticprincess · 06/04/2023 18:27

So basically the house was theirs. Had it not have been gifted to you then it would now be his. What would he do? He’d likely sell the house and buy another smaller property and use the profit (his profit) to live off. This is what you now need to facilitate with him. Sell the house and buy him a smaller property. Then put the profit in some kind of account where you can pay him a monthly allowance to live off - whilst potentially making some interest on it. Once he dies then you can do what you like with the rest of the money. It means your mother would get her wish that they are housed until they both die. And that he can actually afford to live.

I see there is a complicated back story. But think of this. What would happen if your dad had passed and your mum was still alive and making the exact same request?? I’d assume you would help her out as she sounds like the one who needed the money protecting. At the end of the day they stayed together until death. She could have divorced him and let him do what he wanted with his part of the settlement. But it sounds like part of her stayed with him for a reason and she wouldn’t want to see him destitute.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/04/2023 18:28

The house isn’t in the UK nor has the OP given any info on how it was dealt with (simply signed over, in trust etc) so all the advice is pointless - no-one can actually tell her anything useful legally without knowing those things.

pomers · 06/04/2023 18:34

I believe if you provide the accommodation, he should pay is own utility bills and food. As the flat is your asset the maintenance should fall to you. Your father is responsible for his own debts. Do not give him any money or lump sums, at most I would consider paying utilities

TattiePants · 06/04/2023 18:41

CountryMouse22 · 06/04/2023 18:24

I thought it was 7 years? I think she needs legal advice.

Show quote history

@CountryMouse22 7 years is only relevant for IHT purposes (assuming everything had been done correctly). If social care / a care home needs to be funded and it’s believed there has been deprivation of assets an investigation can go back as far as needed. The OP has since stated they’re outside the UK so the rules may well be different.

ZiriForEver · 06/04/2023 18:41

Adelyra · 06/04/2023 18:34

You all made a big mistake. Unless they paid you rent monthly which you declared as income, you've been evading taxes.
https://www.crane-staples.co.uk/news/inheritance-tax-can-i-gift-my-house-to-my-children-and-still-live-in-it/

Look into this before you go any further with the flat purchase.

Probably irrelevant, as at least the property is out of UK, and the family very probably is away too.
The question is discussing morality, not taxes.

Complexneedsmum · 06/04/2023 18:45

i would give every penny from my inheritance back for a day with my mum. I don’t know how you can see your grieving struggling father sink because you don’t want to lose the profit you made from your parents death! You didn’t earn this money, they did. Hope you wake up before it’s too late for you to make things right with your dad

Adelyra · 06/04/2023 18:49

OP doesn't say so in her post.

Morals are hard to separate from the country of residence. In France, OP might be expected to use her assets to pay for her father's needs for example.

Also how old is the dad? Does he need a carer? Does she live in the same country?

I don't believe we have to be kind to people who are not kind to us. So the toxic relationship does play a huge part in this equation.

Was the mother the driving force behind this asset transfer?

GUARDIAN1 · 06/04/2023 19:02

It's not yours while your dad is alive. If he agrees to move into a flat, fine and good - but I reckon he's entitled to benefit from the sale of the house. If he went into a care home you'd have massive bills to pay.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 19:03

Thanks for all of your helpful comments. The legalities are not important, everything is in order and UK law does not apply.

My father is definitely not a little old widower who worked hard all his life to buy the house. If that were the case I am sure I would feel different about the situation!

OP posts:
Reigateforever · 06/04/2023 19:03

You say the house isn’t in the UK. Different inheritance laws in different countries. It depends where the will was written and how long between the death of your mother and you becoming the legal owner of the house.
A will written in one country doesn’t always cover the property in another.
House in France, means half the house is yours even though your father is still alive. He can stop you selling and vice versa The French cannot disinherit their children.

Gymgo · 06/04/2023 19:07

Why don't you sell the house and spilt it 2 ways , if he so bad with money and if your mum would have wanted you to have it and not him

TheaBrandt · 06/04/2023 19:10

This folks is why every half decent private client solicitor advises against transferring assets to your children during your lifetime (perhaps bar cash gifts you can manage without and gift without reservation well before care is on the horizon).

LaDamaDeElche · 06/04/2023 19:16

I am not really after legal advice, as my dad and the house are not in the UK, it was more of a moral question. And now I know what a bad daughter I am! From a moral standpoint - you didn't pay for the house, you aren't owed an inheritance, your parents probably didn't think this situation through when they signed it over to you. Imagine your dad needed to go into a home, would you sell the house to pay for that and accept that you wouldn't be getting an inheritance at all and that the money should go back to him in that situation? If the answer to that is no, you are morally bankrupt. If he needs money and a smaller flat you should give him what he needs and if that leaves you with nothing, so be it.

LaDamaDeElche · 06/04/2023 19:18

LetMeExplain · 06/04/2023 19:03

Thanks for all of your helpful comments. The legalities are not important, everything is in order and UK law does not apply.

My father is definitely not a little old widower who worked hard all his life to buy the house. If that were the case I am sure I would feel different about the situation!

You didn't work all your life to buy the house either though. You don't sound like you like your father very much.

TizerorFizz · 06/04/2023 19:19

@TheaBrandt Exactly. People are very stupid.

Olsi1009 · 06/04/2023 19:21

I think if it were a case of your father and mother bought this house through hard work etc equally, then I would be saying if he needs to borrow money from the pot to live then he should until he passes and I'm sure under those circumstances you would have no qualms doing this.
However, due to the circumstances I think I do agree with you to some extent but I would possibly provide some help in some ways. So downsize to the flat and if he genuinely needs help with living costs, ask him to have you manage his money/bills where you can decide what he actually needs or if he does indeed have the money - if he doesn't, maybe pay the actual bill instead of giving him cash. I personally couldn't see my father genuinely struggle financially whilst I was sitting on a pile of cash that came essentially from his home.

Younglady18 · 06/04/2023 19:22

This was a legal loop hole which I believe may have been closed now. So many people have done this to avoid care costs.
My mother was given this option & refused as she said it was immoral for the state to possibly pay for her care costs when she had funds (in her property) to pay.
Naturally parents want to leave as much of an inheritance as they can to children but I have heard recently that care homes make thorough investigations & children are often invoiced.
Yes, legally you could sell the house & make your father homeless but your parents trusted you to look after their affairs until their passing in the event they couldn’t.

Sponging · 06/04/2023 19:30

@LaDamaDeElche not everyone does like their parents very much, not all parents are very nice. Having a child doesn't automatically make you a good person. I actively dislike my father and can understand why the OP might feel the same about hers.

@Younglady18 OP does not intend to make him homeless. She intends to buy him somewhere more suitable to his needs. He wants cash instead. That he can then waste and leave her or the state in whatever country he is in to pick up and deal with the fallout.

Somersetgirl1 · 06/04/2023 19:39

You havent saved on any inheritance tax - he lives there so the reservation of benefits rules kick in on his death. You were probably relying on gifting and your parents surviving for 7 years.....well he lives there so the 7 yr rules do not apply. You also presumably thought you were being cunning and outfoxing the local authority re care home fees. Gifts are a deliberate deprivation of assets, again 7 yr rule doesn't apply and care fees would be met from the house. As you have 'owned' it for 10 yrs you may very well have a capital gains tax if it has risen in value (the allowances have been reduced too). Furthermore if you own your own house and replace his with a flat, you will have to pay a higher stamp duty on 'your' second home. You don't mention any siblings, but if you do have any, this will cause you a whole heap of shit. (especially if they are as money grabbing as you). Worst of all is that you have completely trashed and abused your relationship with your dad.
I suspect you did all this without legal advice, because you know better.

I am a solicitor who deals with this type of thing and sadly there are many greedy adult children just like you. Your dad needs proper legal advice to get his house back