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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Truthseeker34 · 05/04/2023 22:42

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RosesInWater · 05/04/2023 22:43

Jumping in with no judgment.

OP, if the country is Ireland by any chance, I have knowledge of the tax system there through a past life involving UK/Ireland double taxation etc.

Although it seems to me that the matter is not so much about taxes as a moral question. I am not going to comment on that, (yet!) as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, only you OP.

Lemonyfuckit · 05/04/2023 22:44

earsup · 05/04/2023 15:51

If parents havent paid rent, there will be huge tax implications for this scenario, if you sign over house and continue to live in it, rent must be paid or its seen as a dodge !

This. Unless they pay rent (at a market rate) it's seen as a tax dodge because that's exactly what it is.

RosesInWater · 05/04/2023 22:45

Lemonyfuckit · 05/04/2023 22:44

This. Unless they pay rent (at a market rate) it's seen as a tax dodge because that's exactly what it is.

Depends on the tax laws of the country concerned though. It is not UK.

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 22:45

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 22:41

Can you explain to me how this was of any benefit to OP's father?

It stopped him becoming homeless years ago when he would have had to sell the house to pay off his debts. He's had a roof over his head all this time because the debt collectors couldn't take it.

Supersimkin2 · 05/04/2023 22:50

The OP’s DF can’t cope or manage money enough to live independently.

If DF had kept the house it would belong to debt collectors, not him. DF couldn’t sell it cos it wouldn’t be his anymore. And the bailiffs would take DM’s half too.

As it stands, OP has saved the house by owning it to zero personal benefit - DF lives in it. OP now proposes to rehouse DF in a nice flat DF can afford to heat.

DF benefits hugely- he’s housed and supported for life. Despite losing all his money with bad decisions.

Well done OP.

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 22:52

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 22:45

It stopped him becoming homeless years ago when he would have had to sell the house to pay off his debts. He's had a roof over his head all this time because the debt collectors couldn't take it.

How do you know this? Do you know the family?

ZiriForEver · 05/04/2023 22:53

It is interesting how hard is to decouple legal from moral.

"Elsewhere in EU" point of view - how it would be modelled here.
Deprivation of assets and inheritance tax avoidance aren't in play from local point of view.
Given the property ownership was handed owner, the will isn't relevant any more either.
You received conditional gift. Condition is life long right of stay for your parents and respectful behaviour to them. The condition is marked on the deeds, so if you would sell/lost the house their right od stay remains (and therefore lowers selling value).

As owner, you are responsible for maintainance (both paying and performing), tax and other costs of ownership. Depending on the conditions of the gift responsibility for utilities bill is probably theirs.
The idea is, that they are giving property ownership over early in exchange for you taking care of the property as of your own. You are getting rather significant value, so it makes sense to expect some small percentage given back for your parents benefit. The alternative would be for them to sell it and use the money for their own benefit, or apply for reverse mortgage, so you are still better off.

If the property doesn't work for your dad anymore, lawyer can help you with a new agreement where the right on the first property is lifted in exchange for something else (money, right on another property, but it must be beneficial for him).


It comes from our law, but I see it as reasonable and moral.
The early inheritance comes with strings attached and it is there to protect your parent's home.

In your case - not being able to care about garden isn't a reason to move him, you can cover that as an owner.
If you want to move him, there must be agreement. Agreement must make sense to both. In general, half of the gift value comes from him, so that is the part he should co-decide.


You are probably in different country, as you would know if you had right of stay registered, I'm just offering "how it would work" in another framework.

Lemonyfuckit · 05/04/2023 22:55

sandyhappypeople · 05/04/2023 16:06

Take heed of this people!!

it’s quite a common thing to hand down an asset to avoid inheritance tax/care home fees, seeing as the government want to shaft you for every single penny you’ve ever worked hard for, but it’s important to have a proper legal agreement in place or at least trust the person benefitting from it completely!

I don’t understand why your dad has to pay to stay in his own house though, why are you not covering the bills out of the ample equity, and putting support in place for him so he CAN manage to stay there?

Yes but if that asset is a house which is given, and the parents continue to live in it, then it's tax avoidance.

The terms of whatever agreement they have in place are somewhat irrelevant (albeit if you actually involved solicitors they should have pointed this out as it's wills and tax 101). If the OP is now the legal owner of the house, and it was given as a gift (rather than sold to them for market rate) and the parents continue to live in the house (don't pay rent at market rate) then the OP would be liable for the inheritance tax (and presumably care home costs too if they because relevant) (and I don't know whether a fine for trying to avoid tax).

That being it can't be in their will as part of their estate to leave to you if you already own it, it's no longer part of their estate.

The tax liability applies either way.

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 22:56

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 22:52

How do you know this? Do you know the family?

Eh. The OP said it herself. Her father's debts are greater than the value of the house.

Supersimkin2 · 05/04/2023 22:57

Uk law and tax burden doesn’t apply. House abroad.

Werehalfwaythere · 05/04/2023 22:58

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Lizzt2007 · 05/04/2023 22:59

sjxoxo · 05/04/2023 21:00

I find this shocking. It’s not your inheritance because your dad is still alive. What on earth makes you think you have control over his home??? Whether he’s crap with money or not is neither where nor there - it’s his money or lack of to do what he wants during his lifetime. I actually think your behaviour is a bit abusive to be honest.. what on earth has given you this impression that the house is yours now before your father has passed away?

Maybe the fact that she actually owns his current home and has done for the last 10 years? Try reading the ops posts, she does make it clear that the house was legally and fully gifted to her when both parents were still alive.

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 23:02

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 22:45

It stopped him becoming homeless years ago when he would have had to sell the house to pay off his debts. He's had a roof over his head all this time because the debt collectors couldn't take it.

How do you know this? Do you know the family?

FrumptyMumpty · 05/04/2023 23:05

If my family had signed over a house to me and they later asked for it back, I would give it to them - minus anything I’d put into it.

You are breaking the agreement by buying him a flat anyway. Let him stay in the house until it crumbles down around him.

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 23:05

You're malfunctioning, Becky. Reboot.

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 23:15

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 23:05

You're malfunctioning, Becky. Reboot.

Why don't you answer the question? You seem to be making some major assumptions.

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 05/04/2023 23:19

If he paid for the house it's a bit of a piss take to not give him any money, although I appreciate you not wanting to encourage him pissing it away with bad decisions.

BadNomad · 05/04/2023 23:20

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 23:15

Why don't you answer the question? You seem to be making some major assumptions.

I answered the first time you asked. Scroll up.

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 05/04/2023 23:20

It's not the same as somebody giving you a jacket and then changing their mind.

Wtfishappeningnow · 05/04/2023 23:23

I think of you are asking mumsnet about the morality of the situation then you already feel it isn’t great. You have to make a decision that you can live with the rest of your life without a shadow of guilt hanging over you.

DiscoBeat · 05/04/2023 23:50

Considering they did that purely to help you, ie avoid inheritance tax, you do have a obligation here imo. Deprivation of assets wouldn't come into it if it was ten years ago.

DiscoBeat · 05/04/2023 23:52

Can you not adapt the house so there is a micro environment/wet room etc? It would probably be cheaper than moving costs and he would get to stay in his house.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/04/2023 00:11

If you consider "his half of the house" as money he should have access to, I suspect that the flat more than equals that in value and he can live in it without fear of it being taken away due to bad debts.

The remaining "profit" from the sale of the house is your mother's share and she wanted YOU to have it.

So no need to be riddled with guilt. Your father is better off than he would have been if your mother's half had been left to you and his half had been taken up by debts.

adultdds · 06/04/2023 00:14

It's your house. Technically you could make him homeless. But getting him a flat is a good idea.

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