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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 21:25

Did your dad pay for the house in the first place?

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 21:28

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:23

Commenting to posters to RTFT isn’t ‘scoffing’ or tripping anyone up. It’s posted regularly on MN if it seems as though posters have just jumped in and have misunderstood as a result. People are posting based on the misleading title and there’s been a bit of a drip feed, that’s all. You misunderstood the point of one of my posts and tried to trip me up because you thought I was accusing people of something I was guilty of myself. You were wrong.

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If you say so, it must be true.
Congratulations on your dedication to ensuring PP are as committed as you are to absorbing every word on the thread, & interpreting those words only in an opinion you can agree with. It's a commendable effort & MN ought to create a special badge.

ttcat37 · 05/04/2023 21:29

Elvis1956 · 05/04/2023 19:53

And watch him waste his AND her mum's share which was clearly the mothers intention to prevent him doing.

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It’s his money to do as he chooses!! She has contributed zero, why is she entitled to any of it?

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 21:30

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 21:24

There’s just no good outcome here is there?

This is pretty much it in a nutshell!

@HomeTheatreSystem posits an optimum outcome I reckon:

In OPs shoes I'd give him his half of the house sale, tell the creditors he is now in a position to pay them some of what he owes them and then wash my hands of the idiot. The havoc and pain this man has created for his family can only be guessed at.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:32

Messyhair321 · 05/04/2023 21:22

Because the agreement was that he lives in it until he passes. And I think he'd have an argument because in theory the arrangement was that the asset is his to use until he doesn't want it anymore.
I think OP is wrong & this is why these sort of arrangements don't work - because people change their minds & arrangements are flaky

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But it’s not a question of him not wanting it any more. He can’t afford the upkeep. It depends on whether the OP can afford to take that on and whether there was anything in the agreement compelling her to do so. She can’t win here can she - if she passes ownership of it back to him, she will be making him homeless as it will be sold to pay his debts. If she sells it and moves him into a flat that he can afford to maintain she’s not honouring the agreement, and if she doesn’t give him whatever’s left from the sale, she’s grabby - even though she knows if she gives him money he’ll waste it, and that was what her mother wanted to avoid.

RandomMess · 05/04/2023 21:33

Perhaps you grey rock with "no that is the share of the house that Mum gave to me"

In effect that's what she did.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:34

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 21:28

If you say so, it must be true.
Congratulations on your dedication to ensuring PP are as committed as you are to absorbing every word on the thread, & interpreting those words only in an opinion you can agree with. It's a commendable effort & MN ought to create a special badge.

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You seem nice.

Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 21:37

RandomMess · 05/04/2023 21:33

Perhaps you grey rock with "no that is the share of the house that Mum gave to me"

In effect that's what she did.

In fairness the only information we have is that the house was signed over to the OP w a life interest for her father. You would like to think it would have been agreed who would maintain the house etc but there’s no more information about that. The OP hasn’t said what she agreed to when the house was signed over to her. Might be helpful if she could provide some more detail on that but I don’t think she will. If you own a house you are generally responsible for its upkeep. And of course it’s very very likely the property has increased in value since the deal was struck, depending on where the OP is potentially quite significantly.

Lellochip · 05/04/2023 21:42

ttcat37 · 05/04/2023 21:29

It’s his money to do as he chooses!! She has contributed zero, why is she entitled to any of it?

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He HAS no money. There is no money. There is a house, which he willingly signed away all rights to.

If he hadn't have done this, he would currently be faced with selling his house to clear some of his debts, living him skint and homeless, through his own fault.

If OP sells the house now, and gives him all the money you think he's owed, he would have to pay it all to his creditors, leaving him skint and homeless.

If OP does as she plans, it just leaves him skint. It's probably as good as it gets for someone who's obviously incapable of looking after their own financial shit.

BungleandGeorge · 05/04/2023 21:42

It sounds like you’d be much wiser to keep
the money and pay some of his essential bills
if Necessary. Otherwise the money will just go
to his debtors/ get frittered away??

ttcat37 · 05/04/2023 21:44

Lellochip · 05/04/2023 21:42

He HAS no money. There is no money. There is a house, which he willingly signed away all rights to.

If he hadn't have done this, he would currently be faced with selling his house to clear some of his debts, living him skint and homeless, through his own fault.

If OP sells the house now, and gives him all the money you think he's owed, he would have to pay it all to his creditors, leaving him skint and homeless.

If OP does as she plans, it just leaves him skint. It's probably as good as it gets for someone who's obviously incapable of looking after their own financial shit.

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The sheer entitlement baffles me! He paid for the house. If he wants to sell it and spend the money at the pub and bookies, whatever. It’s his. Not hers

Lellochip · 05/04/2023 21:45

ttcat37 · 05/04/2023 21:44

The sheer entitlement baffles me! He paid for the house. If he wants to sell it and spend the money at the pub and bookies, whatever. It’s his. Not hers

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He already "sold" it, to her, for free.

ttcat37 · 05/04/2023 21:49

Lellochip · 05/04/2023 21:45

He already "sold" it, to her, for free.

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It doesn’t change that he paid for it- so many grabby entitled people around.
Earn your own money if you love it so much.
I love watching my mum piss her money up the wall on whatever she wants. She’s old and she’s enjoying herself. She earned it. None of it is mine

TuesdaysChild2 · 05/04/2023 21:49

Your poor dad! If you're worried that he'll squander the profits then manage it for him - pay his utilities, maintenance of flat, and a monthly budget for general expenses. Please do the right thing!

Jada1234 · 05/04/2023 21:51

Reading this has shown me you just can’t trust ANYONE 😩

MojoDaysxx · 05/04/2023 21:53

You've got to do what is morally right. Not what is right for you, but what is right for an elderly parent.

bridgetreilly · 05/04/2023 22:04

It’s his money to do as he chooses!! She has contributed zero, why is she entitled to any of it?

It’s her money to do as she chooses! She owns the house, why is he entitled to any of it?

Tigger1895 · 05/04/2023 22:06

Just leave him in the house, at the end of the day it’s still his till he dies.

ClairDeLaLune · 05/04/2023 22:10

The house is yours and you have the right to do whatever you want with it. However, you have a tenant for life. You are therefore obliged to provide that tenant with somewhere to live, and if they incur costs in moving I think you should meet those costs. I don’t think you should give your dad the profits from the house sale though, because the house is yours. But you can’t have it both ways. Pay his costs.

MakingitOver · 05/04/2023 22:11

How old is he @LetMeExplain ?

I'm concerned he has dementia and is not capable of making financial decisions and looking after himself.

Does he have 'capacity' as it's called to make decisions over money?

Thedogscollar · 05/04/2023 22:17

@LetMeExplain
Your level of entitlement is quite staggering.
This is so bad on so many levels I don't quite know where to start.
All I know is you should be ashamed of yourself.

Supersimkin2 · 05/04/2023 22:35

I’m with OP. Daddy’s drunk
the lot and now he’s come back for more from his darling DD.

OP, I know a couple who gave their home away to DC or the bailiffs would have had it. Mummy paid, Daddy drank.

Not uncommon - the Dads in both situations are insanely entitled.

Both DMs knew the burden of their addict relations would be inherited by DC, so they got the house too. That’s fair.

Damage limitation is essential if you don’t want addiction or bad decisions to take the whole family down.

Your DF’s the greedy one here. Not you.

Either way, guess who’ll be bailing the old heartsink out for decades. I’m so sorry for you.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 05/04/2023 22:40

Bloody hell OP, your behaviour is disgusting. Your dad is still alive and he is struggling for money and you want to keep HIS money to yourself? If the caveat was that they keep the house until the end of their days then that means the value of the house too now that he is selling...you'll have to wait and see if there is anything left once he is passed...this has to be a wind up but if it's not you should really give your head a shake....

Yazo · 05/04/2023 22:40

Wow, surely he should be able to sell the house, but a flat and use any equity on whatever he wants. If there's anything left that what you inherit?! Sorry OP don't agree with your point of view at all. Doesn't matter if he's bad with money, my dad was and what does it matter?

BeckyBeehive · 05/04/2023 22:41

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 17:19

Well it's quite clear to me. Their property clearly meant enough to the OP's parents 10+ years ago when they CHOSE to sign it over. One would presume they had legal advice on the implications. But now his wife has passed, Op's father has spent rings round him and now thinks he wants it back?

How is the OP begrudging him a roof over his head? She is happy to sell the house and buy a property more suitable for him. Even if she handed the house back to him tomorrow, he'd still have to sell because he can't damn well afford to live in it???

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Can you explain to me how this was of any benefit to OP's father?

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