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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
BishopRock · 05/04/2023 20:59

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 20:50

I am still here, still reading your replies. It’s interesting to see all of the thoughts going around in my head laid out in all of the different posts.

Thank you to the posters who are acknowledging that this is a complex situation and that I am not simply a money grabbing monster.

Having read your more recent replies, I take back what I said about giving him a lump sum!

The intention was for your father not to use the house as collateral to fund his profligate spending and service his debts.

Job done. Provide him with a flat and don't waste another moment thinking about this. Your mother's wishes have been carried out, she's protected you from losing your inheritance like she lost the money she brought to the marriage. So everything is even.

There's nothing he can do about it, and he'll just have to live with his debts and spending habits. Please don't take any responsibility for them!

Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 20:59

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 20:50

I am still here, still reading your replies. It’s interesting to see all of the thoughts going around in my head laid out in all of the different posts.

Thank you to the posters who are acknowledging that this is a complex situation and that I am not simply a money grabbing monster.

As the legal owner surely it’s your responsibility to maintain the house. It it’s too big then sell it but the profits should go to your father. You’ll get the rest when he dies

BishopRock · 05/04/2023 21:00

Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 20:59

As the legal owner surely it’s your responsibility to maintain the house. It it’s too big then sell it but the profits should go to your father. You’ll get the rest when he dies

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Lol, no she won't!

sjxoxo · 05/04/2023 21:00

I find this shocking. It’s not your inheritance because your dad is still alive. What on earth makes you think you have control over his home??? Whether he’s crap with money or not is neither where nor there - it’s his money or lack of to do what he wants during his lifetime. I actually think your behaviour is a bit abusive to be honest.. what on earth has given you this impression that the house is yours now before your father has passed away?

Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 21:00

BishopRock · 05/04/2023 21:00

Lol, no she won't!

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She’ll have the property. The property will be in her name

HomeTheatreSystem · 05/04/2023 21:01

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 20:50

So it's not a tax dodge, it's a creditor-avoidance dodge.

Er - nope, that doesn't make it any more morally acceptable.

I accept the DF's financial fecklessness makes the OP's position more emotionally appealing though. Poor demi-orphan, protected from the storm only due to her mother's foresight ... much easier to swallow that as a reason OP should keep the asset rather than it going to the people & org's her dad still owes shedloads of cash to.

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Her mother had money too, which the father burned through. It sounds as if having cleared one lot of debt, they transferred the house to OP to avoid losing their home should the father incur debt again in the future. A wise move as it looks like he's carried on as before and now owes money again, more than the house value.

In OPs shoes I'd give him his half of the house sale, tell the creditors he is now in a position to pay them some of what he owes them and then wash my hands of the idiot. The havoc and pain this man has created for his family can only be guessed at.

Unsure33 · 05/04/2023 21:02

I am with you OP . the house is yours , but you can’t keep to the original agreement , but you are going to make sure your father has a roof over his head and will be comfortable and warm and in a property he can afford to keep maintained . The deed was done for a reason and I think you are keeping your side of it .

DogLover22 · 05/04/2023 21:03

Pure greed. Unbelievable.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:04

TattiePants · 05/04/2023 15:47

You'd better hope he doesn't need any care in the future as there's no time limit for deprivation of assets.

Not in the UK, and even if they were, the LA would have to prove there was a reasonable prospect of him needing full time care at the time the house was signed over.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:06

DogLover22 · 05/04/2023 21:03

Pure greed. Unbelievable.

Why is it greed ? He can’t afford to live in the house any more so the OP is honouring her side of the agreement by proposing to sell it and buy something smaller that he can manage. What else is she supposed to do ? If she signs the house back to him he’ll have to sell it to pay his debts, which she’s already said are more than the house is worth. What then ? At least her way, he’ll have a roof over his head.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:08

sjxoxo · 05/04/2023 21:00

I find this shocking. It’s not your inheritance because your dad is still alive. What on earth makes you think you have control over his home??? Whether he’s crap with money or not is neither where nor there - it’s his money or lack of to do what he wants during his lifetime. I actually think your behaviour is a bit abusive to be honest.. what on earth has given you this impression that the house is yours now before your father has passed away?

Er - because both parents signed it over to her legally ten years ago. She owns it.

DrPrunesquallor · 05/04/2023 21:11

For peace of mind I’d offer to pay expences for the move. Not because you have to, but just to make life less toxic.

CastlesinSpain · 05/04/2023 21:12

Was it set up in the wills in a property protection trust? Or given to the OP outright?

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 21:13

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 20:58

Sorry to disappoint you but I was perfectly aware that the OP is in the UK and DF is not. I was answering a poster who was accusatory in tone to the OP and clearly referring to the law on deprivation of assets as it applies in the UK. We don’t know what country DF is in, so we’re not able to comment on what might be the case there. Just contributing, not trying to trip posters up.

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Whereas scoffing at PP to RTFT isn't accusatory or trying to trip posters up?

bridgetreilly · 05/04/2023 21:14

OP, I think you are entirely in the right. You misused the term ‘inheritance’ in your original post but actually the house is legally yours, with your father maintaining a lifetime right to live in it. But he will be far happier and better off in the smaller flat he has agreed to. He has no right to any of the financial benefits this gives you.

Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 21:15

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:08

Er - because both parents signed it over to her legally ten years ago. She owns it.

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Tbh it’s been a dodge. A creditors dodge at least. So no one here is a paragon of virtue. The father has clearly not been a great money manager but it’s not clear if he earned the money that paid for the house in the first place. Morally if it was tbqh the profits should go to him. No doubt there will be another dodge so it stays w the daughter and she eeks it out to him as he needs it.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:15

A lot of people also mentioning IHT liability, even though the property isn’t in the UK, so the OP hasn’t said anything about the value.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 21:16

In OPs shoes I'd give him his half of the house sale, tell the creditors he is now in a position to pay them some of what he owes them and then wash my hands of the idiot. The havoc and pain this man has created for his family can only be guessed at.

Fair comment @HomeTheatreSystem
It gives the creditors a chance at some of their cash back, washes OP's hands of that specific morally questionable avoidance, & relieves her of future responsibility for her father's financial irresponsibility.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:18

Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 21:15

Tbh it’s been a dodge. A creditors dodge at least. So no one here is a paragon of virtue. The father has clearly not been a great money manager but it’s not clear if he earned the money that paid for the house in the first place. Morally if it was tbqh the profits should go to him. No doubt there will be another dodge so it stays w the daughter and she eeks it out to him as he needs it.

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Definitely a creditors’ dodge, I agree, but I don’t think the OP is the horrible person people are painting her as. She’s trying to keep a roof over her dad’s head the best way she can. The alternative is to pass the property back to him and effectively make him homeless when it’s sold to pay his debts. There’s just no good outcome here is there ?

JupiterFortified · 05/04/2023 21:21

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 15:49

It's your inheritance, when they die. He's alive, therefore it's his until he dies. You are something else.

This is exactly what I think. Unreal from OP.

Run4it2 · 05/04/2023 21:22

This all sounds really hard - you have my sympathies. I think your proposal to buy a flat for him to live in sounds like a good outcome from his perspective - he'll have a place to live that is manageable and won't get taken away from him. I don't think there is a right answer re any leftover money

Messyhair321 · 05/04/2023 21:22

BishopRock · 05/04/2023 15:52

Doesn't the OP own the house and the terms state her parents can live there till they die?

I don't see what the issue is with the OP selling the house and buying something for her father to live in more happily.

Since her parents signed over the house, it's not the OP's dad's house any more, and if OP's parents were happy with the arrangement at the time it was legally drawn up, that's that as far as the house goes.

Are you allowed to sell it OP under the terms of the legal arrangement?

I can see both sides of this, but what's the harm in giving your dad a lump sum? It's not as if you'll be much out of pocket as you'll still have a flat as an asset that will increase in value over time.

Because the agreement was that he lives in it until he passes. And I think he'd have an argument because in theory the arrangement was that the asset is his to use until he doesn't want it anymore.
I think OP is wrong & this is why these sort of arrangements don't work - because people change their minds & arrangements are flaky

Eyerollcentral · 05/04/2023 21:23

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:18

Definitely a creditors’ dodge, I agree, but I don’t think the OP is the horrible person people are painting her as. She’s trying to keep a roof over her dad’s head the best way she can. The alternative is to pass the property back to him and effectively make him homeless when it’s sold to pay his debts. There’s just no good outcome here is there ?

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I haven’t said she is either. I don’t think any one has covered themselves in glory. I would have said the best way for the OP to keep a roof over her dad’s head was to maintain the home that she is the legal owner of, it does seem that she would rather realise some of the value now. It is distasteful to most people that she wants to keep the profits because it seems like her father likely paid for the house in the first place. Happy to be corrected if that is not the case. Another cautionary tales for the annals of the pitfalls of parents signing houses over to children to dodge any number of things…

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 21:23

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 21:13

Whereas scoffing at PP to RTFT isn't accusatory or trying to trip posters up?

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Commenting to posters to RTFT isn’t ‘scoffing’ or tripping anyone up. It’s posted regularly on MN if it seems as though posters have just jumped in and have misunderstood as a result. People are posting based on the misleading title and there’s been a bit of a drip feed, that’s all. You misunderstood the point of one of my posts and tried to trip me up because you thought I was accusing people of something I was guilty of myself. You were wrong.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 21:24

There’s just no good outcome here is there?

This is pretty much it in a nutshell!

OP posts: