Settle my inheritance row!

[LetMeExplain]

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

Who gives a shit!

You came into possession of this house with, as you say, the CAVEAT that your parents live in the house for the rest of their days.

While it would be unfair of you to actively lose your own money that you've earned to keep up the house, if your poor dad can't afford the upkeep then you need to sell and provide.

The bottom line is your parents bought that house and promised it to you as inheritance. The fact that you own it is just a formality, I'm guessing to avoid inheritance tax? While it gives you the right legally to do what you will, morally you would be an absolute ghoul to turf your dad out to save yourself money.

Loads of people don't have inheritance because their relatives have higher living costs towards the end of life. It's just so strange to me how you have managed to frame this in your head. Your dad is still living!!

Op owns the house outright, if she buys the flat out of the proceeds of her house then dads debts will die with him. Her flat will not have to be sold to clear his debts.

Ignore the back stabbers who can't be bothered to read your updates and just on the back stabbing bandwagon.

Only you know the entire back story so, as has been said before, think hard about advice your mother would give if she could speak to you.

That will tell you if you ABU or not.

"It sounds like your mum wanted you to have to money and she knew what your dad was like (& that he's already wasted some of her money), "

My mum might also like me to have some money but if that money is needed to care for my dad then it would be immoral of her to give it to me when it's needed for his care. People may be good at managing money or bad at managing money, but to present someone being bad at managing money as a justification for simply give their money to someone else and depriving them of using it for their own benefit, seems like a very disingenuous way of framing the issue. An inheritance is what the children get when the parents have passed away and no longer need their own money. The father in this case is still alive. What's in the will is irrelevant because he's not dead yet.

Ah sorry, I've been too hasty in judging you.

For what its worth though, personally I feel like if your dad had put costs into the house over the course of your parents' life, I still feel like you are in the wrong.

It's almost like a conservatorship. Your dad is living, has a house, yes they promised it to you as inheritance, but the point again is, if your dad is still living, surely it's his right to the money, even if he is pissing it away?

If you changed the circumstances and instead of him being terrible with money he was getting dementia and needed to sell the house to pay for care, I think it would be easier for you to see the way the moral compass is pointing.

The principle IMO should still be that, he is alive, so inheritance claims fall by the wayside. It's not fair but at the end of the day it's not your money.

if your mum owned the house 100% before she died and had made all the payments on it maybe it would be different, but still...

The back story is actually irrelevant. I'm sure it's making the decision harder for the OP, but ultimately the principle is, why should inheritance take precedent over the living relative.

Unless they've been paying you a market rate for rent, on which you pay tax, this is tax evasion and likely to be discovered if you sell. That loophole was closed years ago

DotAndCarryOne2

I stand by my opinion.
There are red flags.
The OP comes across as entitled and self serving. There is no concern with saving her father from himself in that initial post. It smacks of being grabby.

You seem to have trouble accepting anyone’s opinion that isn’t yours.

There should have been a trust set up to avoid all this ugly behaviour.

Money doesn’t change people, it reveals who they are.

@DotAndCarryOne2 it is his house morally. And its his money to do as he wishes until he dies. If he decides to donate it to a pig farm or blow it all up the wall then that's up to him as he worked for that money.

Unless they paid market rent, then it's not outside the estate for IHT purposes. Not convinced the DF is paying market rent.

www.gnlaw.co.uk/news/gift-with-reservation-of-benefit-iht/

Got to be a boomer with this entitled mentality. Inheritance is not a right! The fact they signed it over to you was to try and help you avoid inheritance tax. Your dad has clearly lived longer than expected and you should be giving him every single penny. None of it is money you earned or deserve.

The inheritance issue isn't the most important thing here - you own the house and can dispose of it as you see fit. As you own it, it's not your inheritance except in the sense that your parents had a life interest in it. But that life interest, in the case of your father, can probably be ignored if you decide to sell. Do get legal advice in your country though, as these things can vary. I don't blame you for wanting to realize a house sale now. Your father will devalue your property if left in it much longer. Buy him a flat, give him an allowance etc. I don't think he has any say or claim on your profits though. It's your actual property.

Of course it's relevant.

ah sorry, just seen this isn't in the UK

And watch him waste his AND her mum's share which was clearly the mothers intention to prevent him doing.

I know you said your dad is very bad with money but that makes no difference here in my opinion. It’s his house and that of your mother. I understand they signed it over to you to avoid inheritance tax however it’s still their house. Your mum is dead so morally, it’s all your dad’s house. If you decide to sell and buy a flat then he should be entitled to the rest of the money and if he pisses it all off then so be it.
At the moment though, I still think you’re still getting a good deal as you can sell the house, buy a flat outright ( in your own name which will then be your inheritance when your dad dies) and give him the rest of the money to use as he sees fit which will be to fritter it away anyway but at least you still own the flat

OP irrespective of the moral positive you urgently need legal advice in the country where the house is (and possibly also in your country of residence) to avoid getting yourself into more of a mess with this.

You don't seem terribly clear on the legal position and there are so many ways you could get yourself (and/or your dad) into trouble here.

Depending upon the circumstances and the countries involved you could find yourself landed with a hefty tax bill, you could find yourself on the receiving end of action taken for failure to comply with your duties as a landlord, you could find yourself falling foul of deprivation of assets for care, you could be complicit in some kind of scheme to avoid creditors in bankruptcy, reported for financial abuse or even money laundering.

Where did you get the idea it was passed to the OP to avoid IHT? It was actually passed to OP because her father has been through several bankruptcies and even now, owes creditors more money than is tied up in the house. Had the house not been passed to OP, her parents would have lost the house to settle the father's debts. He'd now have nowhere to live. Instead of being grateful that the foresight of his wife and daughter has saved him from the worst of outcomes, the stupid twat still wants to carry on as he's always done.

I don't blame you at all for not wanting to fund your dad in this way.
Could you maybe offer him food shopping online, so you know he is covered and your still looking after him but in a way he cant spend it.

My DM pissed her divorce settlement down the drain. Went on cruises and bought a rundown dilapidated flat when the money nearly ran out. Social services eventually rehoused her into a HA flat and she claims benefits she's definitely not destitute as the council ensure she isn't . I want nothing to do with it. She's a tit but it's her choice to make as she has capacity.

If anyone offers her advice she calls them controlling.

YBVU! It is His money: he is alive and it is none of your business how he spends it!

If you read OPs posts (there's not that many) you will see how wide of the mark you are. IHT doesn't come into it at all. Had the house not been signed over to OP, her feckless father would have lost it in settling his repeated cycle of indebtedness and both he and her mum would have been homeless. As it is, he still owes more than the value of the house so any lump sum he receives would go to his current set of creditors.

It doesn't matter what your Dad does with money - until he dies it is HIS money and he can do whatever he wants with it.

And care is not cheap. We are having to sell my mum’s house to pay the 2k a week fees. If your Dad needs care OP, the local council will Sue you on his behalf to retrieve the money.